>Chronic Loneliness

>In April 2007, a gunman killed 32 students at Virgina Tech.
Cho Seung Hui’s actions were purely the result of terminal loneliness.
Unable to find anyone like himself he was caught in the trap where you see happiness all around you but are without hope of ever experiencing it yourself.

To paraphrase Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein, “Men have an equal amount of love and rage. If they are unable to satisfy one, they will indulge in the other.”

Most people who have never experienced chronic loneliness will not understand his situation. To most people, love and relationships come easily. But to a few, love is virtually impossible. Sometimes the person you need cannot be found. Not because they don’t exist but merely because you just don’t know how to find them.

In a situation where the person is extremely shy and self conscious, there is just no way to reach out. Frustration builds and turns to anger as the person searches himself to find the reason for his loneliness. Often the person doesn’t realize the problem is self imposed and can only blame the ones that appear to him to have abandoned him.

Seeing others experience love only drives him deeper into frustrated rage. Unless psychological help is received the pressure can increase to the point of explosion.

I can attest to this myself because I am in the same boat. I am lonely and frustrated without any way of getting the basic human requirement of friendship. Until recently, I was angry at everyone. Years ago I was told that I was frustrated but it didn’t make any sense to me at the time. Only years later did I realize what it meant. Unfortunately it took me 20 years to figure it out on my own. Even if the person who told me why I was frustrated, I probably wouldn’t have believed him.

Fortunately I did not reach the point of psychological explosion. I did freak out right before my self revelation. I hated everyone and everything. My blood pressure was way up and I have noticeably worn down the tips of my teeth from night grinding. I have extra bone growth on my gums from clenching my teeth. I had to consciously hold my teeth apart. I kept my tongue between my teeth until it hurt. I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. Tears would roll down my cheeks as I sat in the dark all by myself every night hoping that the television would temporarily relieve my anger.

I think I can best attribute my understanding to a few books I bought in desperation to diagnose my problem:

Self-Esteem: Third Edition” by matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning

When Am I Going to Be Happy?: How to Break the Emotional Bad Habits That Make You Miserable” by Penelope Russianoff

Self-Defeating Behaviors: Free Yourself from the Habits, Compulsions, Feelings, and Attitudes That Hold You Back” by Milton R. Cudney and Robert E. Hardy

How to Win Friends & Influence People ” by Dale Carnegie.

Self Esteem is the root. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t hate yourself.

Before my revelation I often fantasized about going on a killing spree but always made sure that I did not have a gun available. Even now, I would like to have a gun for protection but I would not trust myself not to use it improperly. I can understand the need for guns and also the need for gun control. I don’t know what the answer is and I hope someone figures it out soon.

We should not underestimate the power of loneliness on the human psyche. If you know someone who is shy and lonely, please help them. They cannot help themselves. The worst thing that you can do is tease them and ignore them. They need to be included even if it is against their will.

If you are the one in the trap, read the books mentioned above before you do anything else. I’m not going to tell you to get out there and make friends because I know it just doesn’t work that way. As soon as I figure out a way, I will tell the world. I’m still going on the hope that there is someone out there for me. I just don’t know how to find her or him.

I am posting this because I know it to be true but others don’t seem to be able to see it. The normals just can’t understand.
Poor Cho acted in the only way that was left for him. It was unfortunate for him and the others that nobody cared enough to be a friend to him long before things got so bad.