>The more you think about it the more it makes sense.
How one perceives the world has everything to do with what it really is. Am I lonely or am I independant? I’ve always felt split into two halves: One that desires to be alone and the other that desires not to be alone. My independant side has always been dominant yet the lonely side is always nagging. I have always felt that I am SUPPOSED to be with others because that is the way “society” works. Could it be that that is only a single way of being? It is not a requirement or a law. It is only a perception of life laid down by the masses.
Deep down I don’t want to be around others. Especially those who do not meet my strict requirements compatibilty. In reality I would only be truely satisfied with a clone of myself. That’s obviously not going to happen.
In order to beat loneliness you must just not be lonely. Blasphemy, you say! Well, let’s give it a chance. For the last few days I’ve worked with the understanding that I am NOT lonely. I have actively supressed thoughts of longing for others. It’s not going to happen anyway and I’m really just wasting valuable years drowning in my circular thoughts. It has been effective in controling my anger and promoted me to a level of happiness that I would never have thought I would experience.
There is truth in the simplicity of the old joke, “Doctor, It hurts when I do this.” The doctor then says, “Well don’t do that.” Can it apply do a psycological infestation as well? So far it has been working for me.
Try this: Tell yourself that you are not lonely and think of all the things you can do when you are not plagued with time burglars anyway. Let the nagging feeling drop into the background where it becomes mingled with the white noise. It’s still there but it can’t immediately hurt you. Let it stay there. There’s really no reason it HAS to be in your face. Just let it simmer way back there for now. In the meantime up front, look at the world with new eyes. Look for the beauty wherever you can find it. The Trees, the sky, the dirt.
You can set a time limit: I’m not going to worry about loneliness for a month. I’m taking a vacation. I don’t HAVE to worry about it during this time. I’m free until the last day of April. Mark your calendar so you will know that you are on vacation. Really step out of your lonely self at this time and just relax. Let life flow around you. It is as it is and I don’t have to do anything about it. Enjoy it.
When your vacation comes to an end you might extend it for a while. Wouldn’t a year off be great. Let’s just not worry about it for a year.
It might just work out that after your vacation is over that you have come to the conclusion that you can go on even longer. You might even feel a level of happiness. What would happen if you just stopped forever? Are you still lonely or are you independant?
I’m on my extended vacation from anger right now and I’m a few days into my vacation from loneliess. I’m not angry anymore. Will I soon be not lonely anymore? Let’s find out..
Wow. That was a long post but it feels good to get it out of my brain so it will stop swirling around in there bumping into other things.