>Pipe organ music rules!

>I often enjoy a late evening of listening to the NPR radio show “Pipe Dreams“.
It’s best streamed over the internet and listened to on my surround sound system in the dark.
Turn up the volume and you are there in the hall with the huge instrument. There’s something special about pipe organs. The amazing complexity and monstrous size give it soul. Nothing better than the ear candy wail of the big pipes. It’s a trip through time and civility.

I’ll never play the organ or even the piano. I play the Oboe so I know music but my fingers just don’t move the way they need to when playing a keyboard. At least I can appreciate it. That’s what matters.

>So long old friend.

>Friday I had an accident in my good old 1993 BMW 325is. The right front fender is smashed and the passenger door is sheared off. Major bummer. It was a reliable friend for 13 years. I wasn’t hurt since I was only going less than 25 MPH. The airbag went off. I was wondering if it was still good after all these years. Now I know.

If I removed the front fender and put on the spare tire it would be drivable. I could probably replace the fender and door myself since I’m pretty good at welding and bodywork but I’ve been thinking about getting a new car and I guess now is a good time. I think I got my money’s worth out of it having had it for so many years. I’m getting an estimate for repair on Monday but I’ll be it will be $5000 or more. The car’s bluebook value is only like $300o at the most if it was in excellent shape. Time to let it go.

I’m thinking about either a 2005 Toyota Prius or a 2005 BMW 325i. Both are priced at $17,000 at CarMax. I’ll go test drive them both this week. So far it’s a tough call. I like the Prius’s Priusness and I like the BMW’s reliability and luxury. I’ll see which one speaks to me during the test drive.

You know. A major life situation like this totally takes your mind of the little stupid things that you think about all the time. Makes them feel petty and wasteful. I’ll take a lesson from this. Don’t sweat the dumb stuff and it’s mostly dumb stuff. We should take a step back often and look at the big picture. We are only a speck in the universe and exist only for a blink of the eye.

>A little preparation

>I was watching “The Unit” last night where a terrorist team had attacked the town with chlorine gas. Of course those who had gas masks were OK. I thought. I wonder how much a gas mask costs.

I looked on the internet and found them unused for only $7.90. Surely worth that just in case so I ordered one and some spare filters. Now I’ll be ready in case we are attacked with chemical or biological weapons. Couldn’t hurt huh?

If you want some you can get them cheap here.

>Perception is Everything

>The more you think about it the more it makes sense.
How one perceives the world has everything to do with what it really is. Am I lonely or am I independant? I’ve always felt split into two halves: One that desires to be alone and the other that desires not to be alone. My independant side has always been dominant yet the lonely side is always nagging. I have always felt that I am SUPPOSED to be with others because that is the way “society” works. Could it be that that is only a single way of being? It is not a requirement or a law. It is only a perception of life laid down by the masses.

Deep down I don’t want to be around others. Especially those who do not meet my strict requirements compatibilty. In reality I would only be truely satisfied with a clone of myself. That’s obviously not going to happen.

In order to beat loneliness you must just not be lonely. Blasphemy, you say! Well, let’s give it a chance. For the last few days I’ve worked with the understanding that I am NOT lonely. I have actively supressed thoughts of longing for others. It’s not going to happen anyway and I’m really just wasting valuable years drowning in my circular thoughts. It has been effective in controling my anger and promoted me to a level of happiness that I would never have thought I would experience.

There is truth in the simplicity of the old joke, “Doctor, It hurts when I do this.” The doctor then says, “Well don’t do that.” Can it apply do a psycological infestation as well? So far it has been working for me.

Try this: Tell yourself that you are not lonely and think of all the things you can do when you are not plagued with time burglars anyway. Let the nagging feeling drop into the background where it becomes mingled with the white noise. It’s still there but it can’t immediately hurt you. Let it stay there. There’s really no reason it HAS to be in your face. Just let it simmer way back there for now. In the meantime up front, look at the world with new eyes. Look for the beauty wherever you can find it. The Trees, the sky, the dirt.

You can set a time limit: I’m not going to worry about loneliness for a month. I’m taking a vacation. I don’t HAVE to worry about it during this time. I’m free until the last day of April. Mark your calendar so you will know that you are on vacation. Really step out of your lonely self at this time and just relax. Let life flow around you. It is as it is and I don’t have to do anything about it. Enjoy it.

When your vacation comes to an end you might extend it for a while. Wouldn’t a year off be great. Let’s just not worry about it for a year.

It might just work out that after your vacation is over that you have come to the conclusion that you can go on even longer. You might even feel a level of happiness. What would happen if you just stopped forever? Are you still lonely or are you independant?

I’m on my extended vacation from anger right now and I’m a few days into my vacation from loneliess. I’m not angry anymore. Will I soon be not lonely anymore? Let’s find out..

Wow. That was a long post but it feels good to get it out of my brain so it will stop swirling around in there bumping into other things.

>A Thank You note to my readers

>I big thanks to those of you who have commented on my notes. Even though I am writing this purely for myself it is nice to know that I have at least a small audience. It feels good to be heard in a world where you are drowned out by so many others. I hope by writing this that I am helping others as I help myself. More on this later. Thanks all!