>Dave…My memory is going…

>I wonder if I’m going to have Alzheimers when I get older. I wonder if I have it now. I am having a really hard time remembering things. Even as I look back on my old posts here they seem like they were written by somebody else. I all like, “Wow. Did I write that?” I may even repeat blog entries because I forgot that I wrote about a certain subject already.

Maybe I can attribute it to selective attention. I know I don’t pay attention to things that don’t directly interest me. Today I found a piece of notebook paper with someone’s phone number on it next to my wallet and keys here in my house. The name says TOM but I have no idea who Tom is or why I would have his number. I’ve never seen it before in my life but here it is in my house in a location I look at every day. It wasn’t there the day before so it is new. Is this weird or what?
Maybe it’s something I’m eating or drinking. I don’t think it’s the fluoride because 90% of the water I drink is reverse osmosis filtered. I don’t eat much fast food so I don’t think it’s the government’s drugging of the meat patties. I don’t get flu shots so I don’t think the government’s mind control drugs are getting into me this way either. It could be the stuff they are spraying into the air from high altitude planes.
I kind of like my memory problem though. It helps me wake up every morning to a new world having forgotten much of what happened the day before. I can enjoy movies that I like over and over. After a few years it’s like watching it new. Books too. You may think I’m exaggerating but it’s true. Ok. I don’t forget them totally but I do forget much of them so they’re almost new.
I wonder if slipping into full Alzheimers might be a good thing for me. Do you know someone who has it? If so, do they forget that they are alone? (If they’re alone). I know they forget their relatives and friends so I’m thinking that it may work for me. Are they generally happy inside their heads? I could go for that.
Is anyone else out there like this?

>Love is for other people.

>It’s entirely possible that love is not meant for everyone. I am working on accepting the fact that I am not one of the regular people who are allowed to have such things. It’s not really that hard since I’ve never experienced it. You can’t really miss something you never had. To tell the truth, I’ve really never yearned for love. It was always friendship that I desired. I never went looking for love because I wanted a friend first. You can’t have friends when you have love. They just don’t work simultaneously. So it’s pretty easy to let go of love. I think it’s more of a movie prop anyway.

>The End Draws Near

>For the last few days this mid-September the high temperatures have been only in the mid 90s here in San Antonio. It’s actually a real relief from the record 58 day over 100 degree summer. The atmosphere has a feeling of relieved stress. The mornings are ALMOST to the point where you can drive to work with the windows down and the air conditioner off. Lows in the upper 60s may sound good but the humidity is near 100 percenet ever morning. Weathermen are predicting an actual cool front this coming Tuesday. It may be the first real relief of the fall. Millions of people are looking forward to it with great expectation of ushering in a time where they can leave their air conditioned houses and enjoy the strangeness of the outdoors.

>A Different Angle

>What if I’m not actually lonely? What if I am just responding to society’s pressure to desire human contact? Is it maybe an external force? What about the desolate emptiness I am feeling? Is friendship really the answer? I’m not so sure. There must be something else. Maybe I can just let it go. Letting it go won’t fill the hole though. Hmmm. This is deceptively complex. I feel like the answer is in a dimension I can’t wrap my brain around. I’m pressed against the membrane but cannot reach through it. There has to be more.

>No more Fat Talk

>I just saw a story on the local news about people (especially women) should refrain from talking about being fat. Talking about it only makes it worse. Now you may be expecting me to talk about how stupid this is but I am not. This is something that I’ve felt for a long time. People are so self-conscious about their weight and body looks that they end up wearing long clothes in 100 degree weather. Now THIS is stupid. I like to see chubby women wearing tiny bikinis. Anyone who can not worry about how they look is in a good frame of mind. Many years ago I was staying at a condo on the beach with my family and there was a chubby boy, around middle school age, wearing a little green speedo. I thought that was the coolest thing I’ve ever seen.

Back in the 70s clothes were getting smaller for both men and women. Suddenly everybody became worried about how they look and clothes got big and baggy. This pissed me off because I expected us all to be naked by the time the 2000s came around. Such a disappointment.

>The Alternative

>This morning I woke up wanting to go somewhere. The weather wasn’t so great but I just felt the desire to drive. I spent about an hour searching the internet for things to do in South Texas today. I scoured Google Maps looking for somewhere interesting to visit nearby. Unable to find anything that grabbed my attention I began feeling desparate and depressed. I gave up and went to Subway for lunch. I felt much better after lunch and spent the rest of the day at home doing stuff. I cleaned up the back patio and pressure washed all the mold off the cement. I finished authoring a few DVDs of movies I recorded off my DVR for saving. Cut the grass. Watched some TV. Overall it was a good enough way to spend Saturday by myself. Better than work, right?