>This blog has three purposes.
1. To give me somewhere to dump my brain so it doesn’t just build up inside. It kind of makes me feel like I have someone to talk to even though they seldom ever talk back.
2. I hope to attract the attention of someone like me, no matter how small the possibility, so I won’t have to be alone forever.
3. To help me understand myself.
Q: Who is the blog intended for?
A: It is intended for the internet masses so that I might find someone like me. It is NOT intended for people I know. If you know me personally, please do not read this. There are many things I would prefer you not to know since you probably won’t understand. There’s a fine line between having your friends and family know or not know how messed up you are. What if they find out and make fun of you? That would suck more than anything ever sucked before. What you really want is to be able to tell them and have them understand and help you because that’s what you really need. I can only hope it works out that way.
Q: Why are you so lonely? Can’t you just go out and get some friends?
A: If I knew why I was lonely for sure then I might be able to do something about it. I hope to make sense of that as I go. No. I can’t just go out and get some friends. I would not enjoy being around people who have nothing in common with myself. It would be worse than death.
Q: Have you seen a Psychiatrist?
A: No. I’m afraid to. The nature of Psychiatrists is to make you do the things you don’t want to so you will fit in with all the rest of the humans. I don’t want that. I want to be alone but not lonely.
Q: Why are you like that. Did you have a bad childhood?
A: I don’t know. I don’t think my childhood was too bad though I remember having these feelings of not belonging since I was in elementary school. Maybe it was because my father died when I was 9. I just don’t know.
Q: Is it helping? Are you getting better?
A: I think it is. I feel much better a few years later after starting this blog. Go look at the first posts and you will notice the anger. I feel much less anger now. I have made many breakthroughs on my own. It may take my whole life and I may never achieve my goal but life is a journey anyway, right? I’m a patient person so a little at a time will eventually get me to the top of the mountain.
Just in case someone wants to contact me you can send a message to chtuff at yahoo dot com.