>Desperately need a vacation


Boy do I need a vacation.  I have 15 days of vacation time saved up from work but don’t know where to go.  I would go to the beach but if I can’t get naked, what’s the point?  Resorts are expensive and not really that good if you go alone.  I considered driving through small towns in East Texas.  I’ve never been that way.  That is still on my list but I’m not sure it will be fulfilling. I don’t want to just stay home.  If I do that I’ll just sit there and work myself up into a lonely desperation.  That happens enough every Saturday already.  Really have to get away.  I don’t really want to fly somewhere.  Too much trouble and it’s not really much different from where I am.  I’m getting seriously frustrated.  It’s almost more of a vacation to not stress about it and just go to work.  Some people say Las Vegas but that’s not my style.  If you don’t drink or gamble there’s not much else.  I hear prostitution is legal there.  Not sure if that is true.


>Movie Desensitization

>I was going through the DirecTV guide the other day looking for movies to record. I came across “Phantazm”. I said to myself, “Ooo! A Scary move!” so I set it to record. Tonight I am trying to watch it. OH MY GOD! Did this really pass for Horror in 1979? It’s almost comedy! And boring! Let me tell you. I had to keep fast forwarding through the long passages where people are just walking around to bad scary music. They could have cut an hour out of this movie. I think the script was probably just two pages long too. Very little dialog.

I’m mostly just wondering at what point in time did horror turn to comedy? Apparently sometime between 1979 and now. Maybe it is desensitization? Maybe the poor acting and effects back then just don’t compare with now. Either way I was disappointed.

>A little snap

>Today a coworker mentioned the fact that he was thinking about finding a kennel for his dog while he and his wife are at work. I was of course flabbergasted at this notion. He thinks the dog gets lonely in the house alone. I kind of snapped at that point. I said, “I’m home alone all the time and nobody gives a shit!” I almost yelled it out. Kind of struck nerve with that subject. I hope they don’t think Im totally crazy.

>The Life/Death Confliction

>The monotony of daily life drags on.  I have at least two weeks of vacation saved up but have nowhere to go.  Vacation is a valuable thing.  It should not be wasted on something that isn’t worthy.  I would like to go and spend a few days at the Smithsonian in Washington D.C.  I guess I’ll plan on doing that in the fall.  I asked an old friend who lives in D.C. and actually works at the Smithsonian to recommend a good hotel within walking distance.  She doesn’t respond.  Good thing we have Google.  Google is my friend.  Google is my Family!

Basically I’m bored with life.  I still wish for death before I go to bed every night.  I have a conflict though. I’m not afraid of death but I AM afraid of dying.  Partially the possible pain or unpleasantness and partially wondering how long it would be before anyone finds my body and what a mess it would be by that time.  The cats will probably eat my face if I die at home.   Being dead does not bother me.  For most people, they seek religion make them believe that death is the beginning of a new life with their departed family and friends.   Whatever floats your boat is fine with me but I wouldn’t want that. Personally, I believe that death is the end.  There is no afterlife. You just evaporate into nothingness.  That’s what I want.  How much would it suck to have to spend eternity with a bunch of people you have nothing in common with or have to spend it alone.  I have enough of that now.  To spend eternity that way would surely be Hell itself.  Many people would define Hell as being alone forever.  That is why I consider Earth to be Hell.   I must have been really bad in my previous life. Evaporation sounds really sweet.

Now, life is short enough as it is so I don’t see any point of ending it sooner than necessary.  Even though it means many more years of suffering you might as well experience it.  You only get the one chance so why waste it.  You’ll be dead soon enough anyway.  Let the suffering continue…

>TV Addiction?

>I was listening to the Coast To Coast AM radio show.  The subject was gaming addiction.  It was interesting how people can become totally addicted to video games to the point of killing themselves or others if the game is taken away.  I used to play games but they got too complex for me and I gave it up.  I was raised on the Atari 2600 where you had a joystick and a button. Having to remember a bunch of keystrokes and things is just too much for me to do. 

It made me wonder a bit about how much time I spend watching TV.  Am I addicted to TV?  It is hard to say for sure but I would say no because I don’t watch TV because I HAVE to.  I watch it because I have no alternatives.  It’s too hot to go outside.  I’m too tired after a long day at work. What are the alternatives?   It would bother me to miss a favorite show but I know the DVR has my back.  I can catch up anytime if something more important to do came up.  (Though it seldom does.) 

No.  I don’t think I am addicted to TV.  It just saves me from sitting alone in the darkness like a good friend should.

>Beggars can now be choosers.

>There is an old phrase, “Beggars can’t be choosers”.  It means that if you have to beg for stuff then you should be thankful for whatever you can get.  It looks like times have changed.  Here in San Antonio a local news station is collecting supplies for those who have lost everything in the Rio Grande floods.  They listed all the things they were accepting including clothing.  They have the never to specify NEW clothing.  Like used clothing is not good enough for these people who have nothing.  It really chaps my hide when charities don’t accept used clothes.  If everything I had was wiped out I sure hope I would not turn down used clothing. Underwear, maybe but not shirts and pants!  What is this world coming to?  How stuck up can you be?

When they beg for toys for children around Christmas it is always for a “New”, “Unwrapped” toy.  WTF?  Why?  Many used toys are better than new ones.   It’s no wonder that other countries hate Americans.  They don’t have ANY toys and we are requiring NEW toys.  How stuck up are we?  I hate this planet.