>Where the Beautiful Women Aren’t.

>Something I came to realize during my vacation in Colorado is that I may not be gay after all.  All my life here in San Antonio I have not been attracted to women. The problem is actually that the women here are not attractive!  I’ve always suspected this but never really got the proof. 

One of the first things I noticed upon arriving in my destination Colorado town was, “Whoah!  White people!”
Here in SA where the population is 99 percent mexican you get used to what you see.  The majority of mexican women here have that trashy slut look.  That really doesn’t do anything for me.  It turns me off.  I noticed that girls in Colorado had an intelligent, quality beauty.  I couldn’t believe it.  Now I can’t say that it is only Colorado women since that is all I’ve seen in many years.  It could be all northern women.

Wow. I wonder how my life would have been had I not been born in a sea of ugliness.  Apparently ugliness is not a turn off for mexican men or we would not have so many.  Yes, I’m sounding racist but what can I do?  The soul likes what it likes and dislikes what it dislikes.  You can put the lipstick on the slut but she’s still a slut.  Of course she already has WAY more lipstick on than she needs.

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>A Breath of Fresh Air

>I just got back from a week vacation in Colorado.  I had been lusting after a small town and went to look at land and houses.  Here’s a little report:

The first day after I plane trip I arrived with a headache.  I bought some aspirin and went driving around to look at some of the land I selected on the internet.  It was nice but the road to get to it was rather rough and steep.  Not bad but might be pretty rough in the winter with snow and ice.  I won’t count it out but I’m not sure about it. 

On the Second day I got a haircut and talked to the stylist about life there.  I got a lot of great info from her and a good haircut too.  I met the real estate agent and became disappointed and frustrated from what she had to tell me.  Prices too high in most cases.  I drove around to look at some of the houses she gave me to see but the choices were either too close together or far too expensive.

On the third day I continued driving around to see if anything looked good.  I must have driven every street in the county.  If I had double the money I could sell my current house for I could buy a mobile home.  Something wrong here.

I drove up the highway to a nice scenic overlook.

A little further down the road was small road up the mountain to another scenic overlook where it was snowing.  I really like snow.

After that I came back to town and spent a few hours in the hot springs.  I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s nothing that isn’t awesome about Colorado.

On the fourth day I drove to the next town and rode the steam train.  That had to be the best part of the trip.  I love steam engines more than snow and I got to have both at the same time!  The ride was very scenic though the mountains by a river to a small town where we had lunch.  I couldn’t take my eyes off the engine that was built over 100 years ago.  As an amateur mechanical engineer I was captivated.   The complexity and the simplicity.  The sound of the steam.  The smell of the coal.  The machine is truly alive!  Nearby in the train yard another similar engine sat dead.  It really felt dead.  There’s nothing more awesome than a working steam engine.  I want one!
After the we returned to the starting town I visited the railroad museum.  Most excellent!  Just barely saw everything before they started turning out the lights to shoo us away.  I drove the 58 miles back to the hotel and saw the moon rise over the mountains.  I tried to take a picture but then remembered that you can’t take a picture of the moon.   There was a dead deer lying in the road.  It was dark and I didn’t see it in time to swerve and ran over it.  I tried puling up on the steering wheel to jump over it but that doesn’t work in cars for some reason.  I expected the front bumper to be damaged but was lucky to find no visible damage when I got back to the hotel.

By day 5 I had pretty much used the place up.  It was good because I went to lunch then came down with a headache again.  I took some drugs and slept for a few hours, watched some TV then went to bed.

On day 6 they were forecasting a snowstorm but it fizzled out and the sun came out.  I was going to spend the day watching movies and the snow out the window but since it was nice I went to the hot springs again.  The temperature was near freezing but the water was so nice and warm/hot that it felt like maybe 55.  I enjoyed that very much.

The next day was the trip home.  I got up at 5:30.  It was 23 degrees and I scraped the frost off the windshield and warmed the car up.  I checked out and drove to the airport.  Missed the flight check in by one minute so I was on standby for the next flight.  I got lucky and got on.  After landing in Denver I was on standby for the next flight to San Antonio.  I got lucky again beating out 3 other standbyers.  It was obviously my lucky day so I should have bought a lottery ticket.  I might have been able to afford a house if I won.

I learned a few lessons from this trip:
1. The grass IS always greener on the other side of the fence.
2. Wherever you go, There you are.
3. Go on more vacations.

I came home with a new attitude toward life and my home town.  It may suck but it is easy and affordable. 
I hope I can maintain this attitude.  It feels good.

>Neighborhood noise again!

>Now that we are having some cooler evening temperatures, we are able to wrench open our windows and let the cool air into the house to save some money on air conditioning.  Unfortunately, cooler air is not the only thing coming through the window.  Noise! 

During the summer the hum of the air conditioner and the woosh of the ceiling fan covers what noise may creep past the sealed windows.  In the Spring and Fall you get to listen to the noise flow freely through the screen.  In the distance a small dog barks.  Barking, Barking Barking..  Never stopping.  It’s not the dog’s barking itself that really bothers me.  It is the fact that the owner, only feet away, doesn’t make him stop!  How can he be both deaf to all the noise and inconsiderate of the neighborhood? 

At 11:30pm somebody decides to play basketball.  Bang.  Bang.  Bang.  Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang……..  Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang. Bang………   Bang. Bang. Bang…..
Each thump of the ball against the driveway resonates my head.  Hey you bastards! I’m trying to sleep here!

The dog barks some more and a Harley burbles by in the darkness.

I know when it is after 4:00 am when the roar of traffic ramps up.  It’s sounds like the roar of the ocean but with a single V8 wave that never stops.

Then around 7:00 the school busses and garbage trucks make their thundering appearance on the aural tapestry.  If you have the day off, you will not be expecting to get much sleep.

What bothers me most is that it doesn’t bother anyone else.  The oblivious zombies continue their daily dance unaware of anything beyond their precious “Lifestyle.”  Uncaring in the million cookie-cutter boxes on postage stamp lawns that surround me as far as the eye can see.

>The Incredible Shrinking Universe

>Remember the episode of Star Trek the Next Generation where the universe was shrinking around the ship?  Nothing outside the ship existed and eventually parts of the ship disappeared as the universe shrank further.

Lately, my universe has been getting smaller and smaller.  I am finding it hard to think straight.  My thoughts are cloudy and hard to concentrate on.  Everything is foggy.  Things I once felt strongly about now have no meaning.  People I once cared for make me want to run away and hide.  Places I used to enjoy now seem repelling. 

I’m not sure what to do.  I feel that I am rapidly aproaching a crossroads in my life.  Do I take the safe path and continue to be miserable or throw caution to the wind and start fresh?  I want to take the fresh start road but such a major change is extremely scary.  The life I have tediously built for myself is not my own.  It is somebody else’s.  My life is modeled after what a person should do.  Not what a person wants to do.   It is not me.  That has to be why I feel this way.  It must be why the Universe has gotten so small.

The big problem here is that I don’t know what IS me.  This is a situation where I don’t think anyone else can help me.  Only I can figure it out.  The life I desire is not compatible with this planet’s social design. I’m not sure I can pull it off with the odds so stacked against me.  The right thing to do is to just try it.  If things don’t work out there are two options.  Return to regular, miserable life or ending it all.  Who knows.  I might somehow be successful.  I have always done well with coasting through life.  If I really need something, it comes to me by itself.   It doesn’t work that way with things I want.  Only things I need.  Actually, things I want do usually come to me if I wait long enough.  It is the things I want that don’t exist that obviously don’t know the rule. 

I wish I could clear some of this fog and make more sense of my thoughts.  I must be missing information.  When you are missing information your thoughts swirl trying to complete the puzzle but they can’t because pieces are just not there. 

Am I rambling?  I told you I was foggy. This really isn’t helping.

>The Mirror of Erised

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I was watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s stone.   I got to the  scene with Harry and the Mirror of Erised.  It made me think…  The Mirror shows us our deepest and most desperate desire of our heart.  What would I see?  I would really like to know since I really don’t know what my deepest desire is.  If only I knew I would have something to work towards.  How does a person live without knowing what he wants?  Let me tell you, It is difficult.

>The Great Salt Conspiracy

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A few years ago I found out that I had high blood pressure.  It can be partly contributed to stress and partly to salt.  I’ve brought my stress levels down and am making daily strides to further reduce it.  It is only recently that I realized how much salt I’ve been consuming.  Salt is required for the body to function but in large amounts can cause serious health problems.  The National Academy of Sciences recommends that we consume a minimum of 500mg per day to maintain good health. In reality we consume about 3,500mg per day.  That is Seven times more than we need.

Excess salt is removed by your kidneys.  With excess levels of Salt, the kidneys can’t keep up and the salt builds up in the blood drawing in more water.  More water in the blood increases the volume and raises the blood pressure causing damage to arteries, the heart and the kidneys.

I thought I was doig well by never adding salt to my meals.  It turns out there’s a ton of it already there. The problem here is that it is very difficult to avoid salt.  It is in everything.  Look at the labels of stuff you eat every day.  You will be amazed.  It is even in things you would never expect to find it in.  There is 170mg of salt in the green tea I’m drinking right now.  In the TEA!  Wait, What?  Why? 

Think your bowl of soup is healthy?  Think again.  Can’t they just leave the salt out?  We can add it ourselves if it is absolutely necessary.

Almost everything that is processed contains salt.  The only way to truly cut down on your salt intake is to prepare all you food and drink yourself using raw materials.  That’s a lot of work for someone like me who doesn’t cook.  I guess it is time to learn. You will have to do what you can to cut back as the government and corporations force the salt down our throats.