The usual question has come back to haunt me. “What am I supposed to do?” I’m still stuck as usual but banishing the thought is only a temporary solution. It is bound to return.
Here I am, all alone in a 1400 square foot house in suburbia with a two car garage and a dead end job with no motivation. The status quo is in perfect equilibrium which makes change so difficult. As in Newton’s First law: An object at rest tends to stay at rest unless acted upon by an external force. I am an object at rest but there is no external force.
There is an internal force of desire that is equal and opposite to another internal force of fear of change. They cancel each other out.
Enough analogy. I’m trapped in my life.
I need to make a major change and kick my ass into action. I need to quit my job, sell my shit and move. My big problem here is that I don’t know where to go. How does one find a new place to live while one still has a job? Any attempt to visit other places to evaluate their acceptability would be difficult due to time restraints. Sure I could take a trip every few months but it could take a lifetime and a lot of money to do it this way.
The obvious solution is to assume you will be successful and quit, sell then strike out into the world.
That’s a big thing. A VERY big thing. People have done it before. Why couldn’t I? I have so much shit it could take months to get rid of it. Perhaps I should make a list of keeps and sells. That might make it easier. I’ve already done level 1 and level 2 purges on crap so I don’t have a lot of useless junk. It’s mostly useful in the long run but not applicable to the search time. I guess I would have to store what I didn’t want to sell.
I could get a truck and camper to make the search less expensive. Gas is quite expensive on a truck though but other people don’t seem to care.
An RV would be best. Maybe I can get a used one cheap. I might look into that.
It’s hard to get my head around the consequences of making such a big change. How could it be a bad thing though? Suck vs living. I’m deep in suck right now. I need to live before I die. I’m in a rut so deep that when I look up I can only see a slit of light far above my head.
Man, this is difficult. I wish I had someone to talk to about this. Someone who might understand and be supportive. Talking to yourself about this kind of thing is an exercise in futility due to the equal and opposite forces.
I need to calculate my finances and see just how possible it is to do this. I’ll probably talk myself out of it but I”m trying to keep an open mind.