Hopelessness is mine

This morning the alarm went off and I didn’t care.  I finally dragged myself out of bed, got dressed and went to work.  I got there about 9:30 instead of 8:00.  The boss saw me walking in and I didn’t care.  He asked me how things were going and I told him things suck.  My job is killing me with boredom.  He had no advice for me.

After lunch I finished watching the movie I started earlier then got up and went home.  I didn’t care.

I got home and mowed the grass and attempted to prevent the rust on my front door from growing back by giving it a coat of polyurethane.  Don’t know if it will work but if it doesn’t then I’ll need to get a new door.

I spent the next three hours searching in vain on the internet to find people like myself.  You would think that with a whole world out there I could find people with the same interests but eventually became frustrated and angry that nobody shares my loves or writes negatively about them.

I don’t know why I bother doing that to myself.  I know I’m alone on this planet but something keeps making me hope.  It’s a pointless endeavor.  I thought by starting this blog so many years ago that someone would find me.  Nothing.  1,235 posts later and I might as well have not bothered. There’s nobody out there except zombies and robots.

People talk about hope all the time.  I never understood what they were talking about. Maybe now I understand.  But they are wrong.  There is no hope.  Hope is a delusion with which we cover our heads  to protect us from the darkness.