I think I am insane

OK.  The other day in a fit of loneliness I posted an ad on Craigslist with a nice long sincere description of what I was looking for in a friend.

Today I got a response from what sounds like someone who might be nicely compatible with myself but I am unable to get myself to write back.  I’ve been lonely for SO long that I may be afraid to change my life even if it is for the better.

Even though I say I’m lonely I’m not sure that I am.  In fact I’ve admitted a number of times that I prefer my life this way even as part of me is dying inside.  I literally don’t know what to do.  I am still at war with myself.   Yes, it is partially shyness and fear of meeting new people as well as the fear of change.  I have a life planned around my loneliness.  I’ve spent 44 years building my castle of sadness and I might be happy in it.  Can being sad make you happy?  That’s doesn’t sound good at all.

In the end, I don’t want to meet new people.  I want the people I know to be what I need but that’s impossible.  How messed up is that?  Send some men over to take me away because I think I may be totally insane.

 

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