Outlook not so good

I’ve been doing pretty well lately with the end of summer heat relief and an attempt at maintaining a positive attitude about life.  I’ve made the decision to stay in Texas for one more year and that too has relieved the stress of drastically changing both my life and that of my mother.  I’ve even doing OK at attempting to spend time with friends even though I have not been successful at obtaining any of their time.

I am worried that even if I try my hardest, next summer will be, if anything, more damaging to my psyche than ever.  This past summer brought me to within a razor-thin line between life and death.  Oppressive heat and crushing loneliness is an unbearable combination.  The heat will return again and I fear loneliness is unavoidable.  I can take one or the other but not both at once.

I think that this may be my final winter.  I may either kill myself or completely snap before the next summer is over.

I wish somebody would help me.

 

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