Why don’t I have children?

cldrnSo I’m 45.  Why don’t I have children?  Let’s ignore the fact that I have no wife or girlfriend.

Today I went out to do a little shopping for my brother, his wife and my young cousinettes. I don’t know if we will be exchanging gifts this year but I want to at least give Christmas a chance. I didn’t try really hard but I got some decent stuff.  It’s the thought that counts anyway.  I read an article entitled, “How to be an awesome uncle.”  Well, I am far from awesome but I should at least give it a basic attempt.  If I was closer to the little grommets I might feel something more.

I decided to splurge on lunch at the Red Robin.  Let’s not get into the fact that paying $15 for a burger, fries and drink is outrageous enough to make our grandparents spin in their graves.

While I was sitting all alone at the table contemplating life I watched a mexican couple across the aisle from me.  The had finished their meal and were playing with their little baby on the table.  Cute little monkey with stick-up hair on top.  The baby spent a lot of time staring right at me while the mother held it standing up facing her on the table.

My curse of invisibility is only penetrated by small children, animals and fortunately waiters and waitresses.  Babies can see me and look at me intently.  It might be because I am so funny looking.  I smiled back and waved at him.  The parents did not even attempt to look at where the baby was staring.  I think they might have been cyborgs.

To get more to the point:  Why don’t I have children?  Until I hit my mid-life-crisis it was not really important to me.  In fact pure logic and observation indicates that people cannot afford to have children.  It costs around $30,000 to raise a single child not including college.   I can’t afford that.  I would be a working drone until I die.  Some people have multiple children.  There must be a lot of billionaires in this city.  I only make about $60,000 a year.  I want to retire early.  It never made any logical sense to me that I could support children.

There’s also the problem of caring for them.  I would insist that my wife stayed home and raised them properly.  If not, she could work and I would stay home.  I think I prefer the latter.  Either way.  We would not both work.  But supporting children on a single income is even more difficult.

Other than the overwhelming financial difficulties, I would enjoy bringing up a son.  We could have so much fun.  But what if it was a girl?  I would still love her but would never be able to connect at the level I need.  I can’t spend $30,000 and not have someone I can play with.  The odds are 50/50.  I can’t afford those odds.

I could adopt a little boy.  That would probably be impossible since  single 45-year-old men are all sex offenders.

I would most like to have a single desperate woman with a child move in next door.  All the good stuff without the financial responsibility.  It is possible since the house next door is going up for sale again.  Still, pretty unlikely.

I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.  Life gives you what it gives you.  There are other things in the world besides children.  I wonder what they are?

I wonder what it would be like to be a normal person with a family.  I can’t comprehend.  Living in this alternate reality really gets me down sometimes.