So we know why I don’t have any children but why don’t I have a wife? Why don’t I at least have a girlfriend? The reasons are numerous and valid.
Starting back in the early days, I would have to first blame my father. Dying when I was 9 and leaving me without a father figure obviously screwed up my manliness
I grew up lacking the required social skills. Not drinking or dancing or being able to relate to the opposite sex kept me away from parties and other socialisms further expanding the rift between myself and the rest of the world.
In order to deal with the mental anguish I became rather superior with respect to the common people. A problem I deal with to this day. Having only my homebody mother to compare the women of the world to I came to see women who went out partying and drinking as low-class. Quality women would not drink. How crude! Obviously the only kind of women I would be attracted to would be another homebody like myself. That in itself is a big problem.
I know a few girls who might be suitable but they show no interest in me other than occasional friendship. Perhaps it is my ugly exterior. Maybe they can see my ugly interior that has slowly curdled over the decades.
My low self-esteem makes it all the more difficult. If a girl ever does show interest in me I immediately think she has an alternate motive. Anyone acting like they would want me must be after money or worse. I can’t even imagine sharing love with someone. I cannot even remember touching another person’s hand in any fashion other than a handshake or an accidental brush. I imagine feeling the soft skin woman. It must be nice.
Another problem I have is that I don’t feel like a 45-year-old man. I feel like a little boy trapped in time. How can I be expected to be attracted to a 45-year-old lady? She would be ancient and ugly. Gross.
Boy, am I screwed. But I’ve pretty much come to accept the facts now. I am going to be alone for life. I have become accustomed to being alone and 90% of me prefers it that way. It’s the damn 10% that won’t lay off. I hope it dies one day and leaves me in peace. I hear lobotomies are wonderful but you can’t get them very easily anymore.
I’m just going to have to go with the flow. Maybe one day love will find me. Some day I will meet a female ogre who can love someone like me. I just won’t hold my breath.