Listening to the rain

rndrpsInstead of going to bed, I opened up both sides of my french door and pulled my recliner over to sit and look out at the back yard.  The rain is falling gently as thunder and lightning roll across the sky.  The cat is upstairs under the covers on the bed.

I can’t describe how beautiful the sound of raindrops hitting the ground is.  The fresh, cool, moist air wafting in the doorway.  I don’t even care that bugs are coming inside the house.  It’s wonderful and I hope it doesn’t stop anytime soon.

Rain is the best thing that Earth has to offer.   It makes me feel like a new person.  I feel 90% happier already.  Listening to my recording of rain just doesn’t cut it.  Thank you rain!  I love you so much.  Don’t be such a stranger!


Wet April in San Antonio

santnordrApril 2013 has been an unusually moist month for San Antonio.  Having suffered drought and heat for uncountable years, this year is looking to be less painful.

I’ve had almost two inches in my yard this month.  Not bad.  The weather has been cooler than usual for April as well.

I sure hope this keeps up for the rest of the summer.  It will be a welcomed relief for the land and a serious relief for my sanity.

My Happiness Project

AHIchartI feel that it is time I do something about my happiness situation.  Wallowing in it is not making it any better.  I have found a few resources that I think might help me out.  I started with a recommended happiness test at AuthenticHappiness.  The chart you see on the left shows my score.  Not very good.   I can certainly use some improvement. Duh!

I started reading a book called “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Reuben.  I am on the first chapter and it looks like something I can use to start my own Happiness Project.

The opposite of happiness is not depression.  I am not depressed.  I was once.  Now, I’m just not happy.   I should be happy considering the physical and financial state of my life.  I am just having trouble with my psychological state.

In order to make the changes I need to fix my psychological condition I am going to have to seriously change the way I think.  Sounds easy but it is possibly the most difficult thing there is to change.  I hope to blog my status as I go.  I also hope I don’t give up.  That is a good possibility.  I may also forget.  Even a better possibility.  I hope that by using the blog I will not forget or give up.

I have recently considered just giving up on life.  Just lying on the couch and waiting for death sounded pretty good.  Maybe I should use my time more wisely.  It couldn’t hurt to try.  Waiting for death is easy but it could take a very long time.  Death doesn’t come for you like he used to.  I think he is getting old and tired.

A good part of my lingering unhappiness comes from my original cry for help.  It was partly a show in hopes that someone might care and help me.  After 20 years of nobody caring it just became habit.

So I’m going to give it my best shot.  Going to try to think differently.  Save the Cheerleader, save the world.

Can you see the darkness?

What do you see when you close your eyes?

I remember, as a bored kid in school, elbows on my desk and palms pressing gently against my closed eyes.  I enjoyed the patterns of darkness that slowly flowed and changed in the darkness of space.

I realized the other day that I hadn’t seen the darkness behind my eyes in so many years.  When I closed my eyes I didn’t see the darkness.  I saw the images and thoughts that race through my head like a mad cyclone looking for a trailer park to play with.

Suddenly, after all those years, I noticed the darkness and nebulous patterns flowing again.  It is very peaceful.  Good to calm the savage mind.  I hope I don’t forget it again.

New Solar Panels Installed

Yay!  I finally got my four new solar panels mounted on the roof.

Each panel is rated at 240 watts.  I am using a cheap grid-tie inverter temporarily which is not very efficient but it is giving me 220 Watts on this cloudy day.

I plan on upgrading to micro inverters as soon as I find a good price.

solarrailIn order to cover the whole story in one post I am pretty much describing the whole thing.

I started with my own DIY mounting rails built from steel rails and brackets found in the electrical aisle at Lowes.

I built my own feet by welding an L-Bracket to a piece of metal that can be slid up underneath a shingle and screwed down.  This should be adequately water proof.


Getting the rails up on the roof was a piece of cake.

I screwed them down about 40 inches apart.

They are quite sturdy and should support the panels easily.




hookThe most difficult part of the project would be getting the huge panels up on the roof all by myself.  A crane would be handy and I considered building one but opted for quicker solution.

Using some scrap metal in my collection I welded up a basic hook that attaches to the top of the panel and allows me to hook it on the rungs of the ladder.  Going up one or two rungs at a time I made it to the roof.  Damn I’m awesome.

panelsAfter heaving up four heavy panels I carefully bolted them down being careful not to fall over the side where I would lie dying on the ground for weeks before my body is discovered.

A few more trips up and down the ladder to install the temporary inverter and voila!

I’m glad this project is done for now.  It was a daunting task for one person to handle all by his lonesome self.

The weather is expected to be cloudy for a few days, which always happens when one installs solar panels, so I’ll have to wait a while to see how well it works.  I am actually glad for the overcast days because it is already hot and humid outside.  I had to stop after every little step to come inside, take off my clothes and allow them to evaporate under the ceiling fan.  Not kidding.

Stay tuned for future reports on the performance of this solar panel array.

Dreamblog – Heart Attack

hrtattkI dreamed that I dreamed that my heart stopped.

There was someone with me who was freaking out but I was mostly calm.  I was ready to go.  I felt my life slipping away.

When I died I woke up in my bed (still dreaming).  I felt that my heart was not beating.  I was fine with that.


Naked Castaway

nkdcstwayI am enjoying a new show on the Discovery Channel called “Naked Castaway”.

It’s about this British guy who is dropped off on a deserted island in Fiji with absolutely nothing.  Not even clothes.  He gets off the boat completely naked.  Nope, not even cameramen.  He is taping it himself using tripods and hand cameras.

Completely alone for 60 days he has to find water, food and shelter.  It is very difficult to just survive in such a situation.  Awesome show.  Try to catch it.  You never know when you will be stuck alone on an island.