Quick Movie Review – The Cannonball Run

cnbllrunWhile looking for a way to pass some time until midnight new years eve I pulled one of my favorite movies off the shelf.  The Cannonball Run has to be one of the most awesome movies ever made.  It is full of well known stars from the good old days.  Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLouise, Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., Roger Moore, Jackie Chan, Jamie Farr and so many more.  Awesome!

I always enjoy this movie.  If you haven’t seen it, get it now!  You are missing something special. Watching all these stars have a great time makes me feel good.  It also makes me miss my old Porsche.  Maybe I should get another one.  Nah.  Nobody is going anywhere fast in San Antonio.  Stop. Go. Stop. Go.  A Prius is better.

Dreamblog – Batman broke my iPhone.

iphn5I was lying in bed when Batman came into my room.  He was acting like a bully and saying horrible things to me.  He said, “What have we here?” and threw the covers off the bed.  My iPhone was laying there so I picked it up.  He grabbed it out of my hand tearing off the rubber bumper.  I said, “No!  I don’t have insurance on that!”  He then held it in one hand and broke it with his thumb.

I grabbed it back.  It was badly damaged and would not turn on.  He then sat down on the bed and started mocking me.  I could not believe he would do this to me.  I will never trust Batman again.

If I still had my Apple stocks

applmnyBack in October of 2000 I bought 66 shares of Apple stock at $23.50 per share.  It cost me $1551.  It seemed like a good idea at the time but after about six months I felt that Apple just wasn’t going anywhere.  They had such a tiny share of the desktop market and were too expensive for most consumers.  I didn’t feel like they had much of a future so I sold the stocks for $1626.   I made 71 dollars!

Unfortunately, today, Apple stock is worth $554 per share.  If I had kept them I could sell them today and have $36,564.   What a dumbass!

Dreamblog – The Jet pack and the Motorcycle

jtpkThe Jet pack

I was at a scientist’s house.  He was showing me a flying car he was working on.  It wasn’t quite finished yet.  He handed me a jet pack and said, “Here.  You can play with this.”   I strapped it on and hit the button.  It lifted me off the ground but just barely a few feet.  I pressed the button harder and kicked with my feet and was able to get it up into the air.  I flew around carefully avoiding the million power lines crisscrossing above me.

Eventually I had gone quit a distance and saw that the fuel level was getting low.  I turned around to go back but had totally lost my way.  The fuel gauge started beeping so I found a place to land just barely in time before the jet pack ran out of fuel.   Now I was walking but had no idea how to get back.  I didn’t even know the scientist’s name so I could look up his address and return the pack to him.

The Motorcycle

I was with a friend who wanted to go for a motorcycle ride.  Neither of us owned motorcycles and he had never driven one.  Suddenly he had his so I got mine.  We were out riding between towns.  It was very dangerous.  It started to rain as we came down a large hill.  He pulled off into a grassy area.  There was someone else with us.  I had something wrong with the wiring in my headlight so I started to fix it.  I asked for a hand with it and they started clapping.  I always hated that joke.

 

Apology

srryWow.  I need to apologize to myself.  I appear to have suffered a great breakdown in loneliness.  I’ve spent years cultivating the mental discipline to not succumb to loneliness and just a few days of the flu threw it all in the dumpster.

I know there is nobody out there for me and I realize that thinking about it is a waste of valuable life hours.  I’m feeling better again now.  Only a nagging cough is left.  I’ll live. I will now return me to my regularly scheduled program of denial and ignorance.

Contact Letter

I see two possibilities for the fact that I am still alone after all these years.

1. There is actually nobody out there.
2. They are out there but unable to communicate.

Considering the fact that the earth has over 7 billion inhabitants, I must conclude that the problem is the inability to communicate.

That’s OK.  Even though the technical ability to communicate has increased a million-fold with the invention of the internet and our always connected devices right in our pockets 24 hours a day, we have lost an equal ability to communicate due to the decrease of actual social interaction.   The net result is actually negative.  We speak but we don’t understand what we are saying or know what to say at all.

I am going to make it easy for you to contact me so we don’t have to be alone forever.  Please fill in the blanks on the following letter and send it to me:

————————————————————–

Dear Max,

My name is _________ and I am as chronically lonely as you are.  I never had any friends when I was a kid and continue to live a solitary life.  I am ______ years old and live in __________________.    I have read all of your blog and feel that we are twins where were split at birth.

I love technology and TV but can’t stand crowds either.  I don’t drink or smoke.  That’s stupid.  My favorite thing to do in the summer is get naked and go swimming.  In the winter I love to sit by the fireplace and watch movies or spend hours in the hot tub on a freezing night.  During the comfortable months of the year I would love to play golf, go scuba diving and exploring.  I can’t stand watching sports either and would love to join the community band with you.  I play the __________.

I am in desperate need of a good friend with benefits to help me through those times of emptiness and desire.  I would love to be your BFF and stick with you for the rest of our lives.  I appreciate the commitment of marriage but I have no interest in that either.  All I need is a good friend and I will be set for life.

Please feel free to email me as much as possible at the following address: _______________.   There is no reason we must be alone in a world so full of people.

Signed ____________________.