I should not be here

tmlnI can’t get over the feeling that I should not be here.  That I should not exist.

I feel like it is a constant struggle to maintain life where life is not expected.

I feel like I am living in an alternate universe as one of the timeline skews that has long since been forgotten.   Nothing is as it is supposed to be.  It is kind of a Bizarro world where everyone else thinks everything is normal yet only I can see that it is all backwards and frustrating.

This is not that way it is supposed to be.  Why can’t everyone else see it?  How do I get back to the right timeline?  I don’t want to be in this one.  It is wrong.  It is not supposed to be like this.

Every time a decision is made, the vector of time splits.  One line leads off in the direction of the first choice.  Another line leads off in the direction of the second and third choices.  This repeats over and over until the number of parallel universes becomes virtually infinite.

Somewhere, there is another me living in the Primary Timeline where everything is right and perfect. I have a family, friends and a wonderful life.   Every second that passes takes me further away from it.  Every decision makes the return path more complex.  It’s a good thing this timeline is reaching its terminal point.  Soon all our suffering will be over.  Doesn’t that sound great?

I wonder if when our timeline ends our existence will revert to the parent timeline or we just cease to exist.  I hope we cease to exist because we would have to revert an infinite number of times to reach the Primary line.  Seems unrealistic.