It’s pretty obvious that my rage is coming back. “Angry Max” is taking over and I am powerless to stop him. I know what is happening but everything I’ve taught myself over the last year is completely gone. I need to go back and read my blog and see if I can remember again.
It’s crazy how the world just pisses me off at every turn. I know I shouldn’t allow it yet it just keeps happening. The things that make me angry are so numerous I could make a list. I like lists but not sure I should list these things since by acknowledging them they become real. Right now they are just thoughts and thoughts can be forgotten.
While I wasn’t working I was able to mellow out. Now that I spend 9 hours a day, 5 days a week doing something for someone else, the mellow is waning. As I get older and time passes faster it becomes more and more valuable. The loss of time grinds on me like a millstone powered by the unending river of people that pass by me without seeing me.
When I was a kid my worst fear was getting old because I would be closer to death. Now that I am older, the fear of my eventual death is less scary and more welcome. I expect by the time I am 80 I will yearn for the eternal rest should I make it that far. By the time I’m 80 the world will be so seriously screwed up that we will all yearn for the end. Oy! Don’t get me started.
I think, at least at this time, I would like to once again retreat into myself and avoid external contact as much as possible. It is the external that I have no control over and is becoming increasingly mind boggling. You people are insane and getting worse! Don’t you see it? How can you not see it?
Calm… Relax.. Breathe… It will all be OK. I can’t be much longer until the government releases the virus.