The only thing preventing me from being truly happy

I fought depression and won.  It was an incredibly long and dangerous war lasting at least 20 years.  Now I feel well.  It is over.  I am victorious!

There’s only one thing left preventing me from being truly happy.  It’s that nagging desire to have a friend.  Does that sound stupid or what?   I find it impossible to turn up any person, male or female, who meets my simple requirements.

  1. Be capable of doing fun things.
  2. Have time to do fun things.
  3. Appreciate things that are good.
  4. Be naked with me. (I’m a nudist.)

The people I know are lacking all four things.  The people I don’t know can’t see that I even exist.  Invisibility is a major problem for me.  Not sure how to deal with that.  More on invisibility later.

But finding a friend isn’t actually my problem.  The real problem is that I can’t let go of the wanting.  I find myself happiest when I am alone.  I get to do whatever I want whenever I want to do it.  When I am with people, I just wish I was alone because they don’t meet qualifications 1-4 and are wasting my time.

Wouldn’t it make sense then that when I am alone I should be happy?  Logical, yet it doesn’t seem to work that way.  I keep spending all my awesome alone-time with the recurring thought, “Wouldn’t it be great if I had someone to share it with?”  It just won’t stop.  I don’t know how to kill it.  I know that thoughts are merely figments of my imagination and I am in control of them.  Somehow this particular thought is more powerful than a locomotive.  Nothing I do can stop it from hounding me mercilessly.

The way I see it, there are two options.

  1. Find a friend.
  2. Kill the desire.

In this world of brainwashed phone-slaves, the chances of finding someone like me are incredibly small.  Microscopic.   I am one of a kind.  I’m a round peg in the land of square holes.  I understand that.

The only option left is to kill the desire.  I’ve tried so hard but it keeps coming back like a virus-encrusted boomerang.  (How about that?)    All I want is for it to leave me alone.  I must find a way to win.  I need to find the silver bullet or a nice wooden stake.  God help me.