I live in a world of virtual solitary confinement. I go out to work, eat in restaurants, occasionally see friends, but I still end up in self-imposed isolation.
Every once in a while I work up the courage to reach out and always get rewarded with a slap upside my head. You would think my Pavlovic experiences would teach me my lesson but I have always had a tiny seed of faith that one day I would be successful in getting what I need.
The other day I decided to try again. I placed an ad on Craigslist describing who I am and what I’m looking for. In response I get hatemail. Yeah, It’s Craigslist and that’s where the evil people hang out but what alternative is there? It was a very unpleasant experience and even though I was able to shrug it off, it still affects a person.
I once again feel that I really need to let go of my dreams and sink into a life of zombie-like indifference. That doesn’t sound all that bad. I only need to last another 40 years maximum and I’ll be dead.
I would say that the Universe is against me having what I need but I think it is just the Earth. I’m sure there are other planets out there where creatures like me exist and instead of calling me names they would welcome my pursuit of happiness. I would probably be their God. Unfortunately, unless I can somehow get a message to them to come pick me up, it’s not looking good for me.
I’ve done the Zombie thing before but not to the full extent of it’s possibility. Do you think that if I embraced zombieism that my unfulfillable wants and desires will eventually fade? I am enticed to find out. Since I love experiments, I might do a time-limited test with an option for extension.
There’s not really a lot involved in going zombie. You just basically stop doing everything that is not absolutely necessary. That’s difficult for me because I like doing things. I could go half-zombie but I don’t think it will really be effective. I’ve tried that before and it wasn’t. You have to go 100% zombie or not at all.
It would be easier if I lived somewhere the weather was so bad that you really couldn’t do anything. Deep snow for a month would help. Not going to happen in San Antonio. The more I think about it, the more I want to do it. I wonder how long it would take to successfully fade out your desires. I’m thinking just a short period of months would not be enough. You would have to go years to have any effect. Maybe it’s pointless to try but it might be fun just to see what happens.
I’m going to think about the experiment. Maybe not now. We’ll play it by ear. If I stop posting for a while, consider me zombified.