What do I want?

wdiwI try to avoid the subject but every once in a while something happens that makes me think about it again.

Yesterday I did my Taxes for the year.  I was later than usual because time and energy just never converged.  Finally I forced the issue.  Turns out it was beneficial because I will be getting $1700 back.  Noice!

The requisite thing for the common person to do would be to feel that that money came from nowhere and is ripe to be spent.  Of course I am smart enough to realize that it is hard-earned money returned back to me and not magical pennies from heaven.  There is obviously the urge to spend it and that’s what brings up the main subject.  If I was to spend it, what do I want?

I really can’t think of anything I would waste $1700 on.  I have no special desire for anything material that I don’t already have.  There’s no point wasting it on some kind of physical item that would interest me for 5 minutes then be forgotten like a child with a new toy.  I don’t need anything.  I don’t specifically want anything.

The things I want cannot be purchased with mere money anyway.  They are more spiritual I guess.  My list of wants include:

  1. Someone to play with.  (Golf, Volleyball, Scuba Diving, Swimming, Hiking)
  2. Someone to work with. (Welding, Woodworking, Electronics, Yardwork)
  3. Someone to be a nudist with me.
  4. Someone to look at me.
  5. Someone to touch me.
  6. Someone to care.

Well that’s interesting!  I guess they all have something in common, don’t they?  “Someone.”  Funny how a list can put a pattern on things. I love lists.

What a bizarre thing the human brain is.  It wants what it wants and you can’t do anything about it.

So what of the $1700?  Money in the bank, Baby!   I’ll put it towards my early retirement plan.  Add that to the list.


My Friends Are Making Me Rich

rchI only have a few people who I might refer to as “friends”.  They are good people but they don’t make much money.  All their money goes to bills and stuff so they don’t have any left go have fun.  No vacations or fun of any kind.

As a result, all my money goes into my bank account.  So now I’m rich and bored.


Depression – Do not seek the sympathy of others

smpthyIf you are depressed, I’m going to give you some very important advice.  Maybe you won’t accept it right now but I implore you to give it some thought.  It may save your life later.

I spent over 20 years in a deep depression.  I had no idea what to do about it.  All I wanted was for somebody to help me.  I made things worse for myself by playing up the depression in front of others desperate for them to notice and just perhaps give a shit and help me.  Help never came.  Friends, family, co-workers.  Nobody cared enough to even acknowledge my pain.

I continued to cry out in the only way I could but that only made matters worse for myself.  Depression feeds upon itself.  Read all the old entries in this blog and see where I was.

It wasn’t until I realized that the only help that was coming to me was the help that I gave myself.  I wish I could tell you exactly when and how I changed my life but I can’t remember right now.  It’s in this blog somewhere.

The important thing right now is that if you are in the same situation, whether you know it or not, don’t waste your time trying to get sympathy from other people.  They will not come to your aid and you will just be destroying yourself further.  Take my advice.  I know this for a fact.

One year review and a nice raise

pyrseCan you believe it?  A whole year has passed in my new job at the bank.  The speed at which time is passing is really freaking me out.  The End has to be really near now.

Anyway.  I had my first annual performance review today. It was very good of course.  They are quite impressed with my work.  I understand it is common for most people to get a 3% raise and I racked up a 3.5.

In addition, since I was just happy to get the job at a salary almost twice what I expected it turns out that they recommended I get an additional increase for competitiveness with the market.  I ended up with a 5.8% raise.  On top of that we get an annual bonus of 6%.   Pretty sweet.

Life works out for me without even trying and I totally appreciate it.  Good things come to those who wait.