Lost my goal in life. Now what?

prpsFor the last 6 months or more I revived my life goal of moving to a small town in Colorado where the air is cool and fresh and the people are white like me.  I found that town a while back and visited a few times to look at land.  Each time I come home disappointed because I’m not rich enough to buy the kind of land I want.  Each time, after a few years pass, the filter of desire made me forget that and I once again get excited about it and life seems to have meaning and purpose again.  I feel happy and good with life in general.

I just got back from another land seeking trip and once again I come home as a lost soul.  I think I’ve learned my lesson this time.  But now what?  What am I supposed to do now?  Sure, I can keep looking in other places but I’ve been deceiving myself.  I can’t leave San Antonio as long as my 87 year old mom is still alive.  She needs me.  She may live another 10 years.  By that time I’ll be too old to achieve my dream.   But that’s not the point.

Is it even a valid life goal?  To build a house in a place with nice climate and beautiful scenery?  Technically, it is generally an easy goal to achieve. But then what?  Once it’s done then I again have no goal.  Therefore it’s not a Life Goal.  It’s just a stepping goal.  It’s not really a purpose either.  It’s just a means to an end.

I’m not sure what I’m even rambling incoherently about.  It’s not coming out right. I’ve written before about goals and purpose.  I’ll have to go find it and re-read it.  But before I do that I want to try a fresh approach.

So what if you don’t have a goal?  Do you need one?  Other people don’t appear to have them so what makes me think I have to have one?  Other people muddle through life taking whatever it has to give them.  Why do I keep feeling that there has to be more?  Why can’t I just let life happen without feeling the frustrated desire of making it mean something?  Is it good enough to just be a good person?  Is it good enough to just be like everyone else?  Do what everyone else does?  Have what everyone else has?

Life is relatively short and you could easily miss it.  It really does go by in the blink of an eye and soon you’ll be on your death-bed not having accomplished anything of real value.  Would it even matter?  After you’re dead it won’t matter.  Maybe, if you’re lucky, somebody will remember you once or twice a year as they muddle through their own pointless lives.  If you’re not.  You’ll never know anyway.

So what is the purpose of life?  Is it really to achieve material goals?  How can that be important?  I once said, in my youth, that the purpose of life is to have a good time.  I remember that now.  Strange how old memories come back to you.  I must have been in high school when I came to that conclusion.  I need to write that up and frame it on my wall.  I’m glad I wrote this blog entry.

Having a good time is the only plausible explanation.  You can’t take anything with you when you die.  A good life is one that ends with no regrets.  I’m going to ponder this concept a bit for the next few days.  I feel a little better now.  Writing can be very therapeutic.  You should try it.

Now I need to figure out how to have a good time.  It’s not something I do easily or well.  I need a teacher.  They say when a student is ready, the teacher will appear.  I need to make myself ready.

To be continued….hopefully.



Dreamblog – Back in the University

hvrdunvIt’s amazing how many times my dreams return to being in college.  I never dream bout high school.

It is, I’m sure, a common anxiety dream where I am back in school as if I have missed a few weeks or months and am trying to find my classroom.  I tried each floor until something looked familiar.  I walked down the hallway until I recognized the professor’s voice. He sounded and looked similar to Michio Kaku.  I sneaked in to the lecture hall and sat in the back row.

The teacher walked around the room as he was talking and kept popping up in different places dressed differently. I was very drowsy and had a hard time staying awake.  I felt something warm leaning against me which I thought was the student in the next chair but it was a cat.  I sat there petting the cat while doing my best to stay conscious.

At the end of the class I walked down to the front of the room and noticed how easy it was to see other students who were passed out.

There was more to this dream but it is already the evening later and I don’t remember any more of it.  You really have to write your dreams down immediately or they evaporate.  I’m lucky to remember this much.


My First Naked Yoga Class

nkdygaI’ve been giving thought to taking up a little Yoga for a few years now but it just never happened  Recently I came across a Naked Yoga class fon Facebook that was just starting up so I liked it.  It turns out the class is only a few miles from my house and only costs $10.00 on a Sunday evening.

I decided I would give it a go and picked up a yoga mat at the store for around $14.00.  Sunday night came and I summoned up the courage to go.  It started at 6:00 and I arrived about 5 minutes early.  I kind of expected that there was a high possibility that I would be the only attendee and I was correct.  That worked out OK because I am a total beginner and we were able to do the Intro to Yoga 101 class.

The instructor was sweeping the floor as I walked in.  He greeted me warmly and introduced himself.  While we waited a few minutes for anyone else to arrive he asked me about my yoga experience of which I had none.  He asked me if there was anything special I wanted to work on so I mentioned my lower back and shoulders which have been bothering me for a long time.

When it was clear that nobody else was coming, we stripped down and started the class.  Being a nudist, I was completely comfortable being naked around other people so that was never a problem.  We worked through various poses as he explained how to do them and what they do for you.  The hour and a half went by quickly.  He said I was rather flexible for a beginner.  I wondered if he was just going easy on me but I did do better than I, myself, expected.

After the class was over he gave me a couple of small tangerines and some water.  We talked for a few minutes about the new class and how it was coming along.  He said he had three students a few weeks ago and one last week.   Hopefully more people will sign up.  There is a large Naked Yoga class in Austin just up the road, but the people of Austin are far less uptight than the people of San Antonio.  The stick up our butt has a stick up its butt.

I had a good time and am feeling a little sore so it must have been effective.  I will probably go again next Sunday.  Totally worth $10.00.  I offered to give him $5.00 extra as a tip but he wouldn’t accept it.

Why naked yoga?  Well, why not?  Being naked it cooler and far more comfortable.  I wish this planet would get over the body shame thing.  It really sucks for you.



Naked Fireworks

nkdfwrksAnother 4th of July has come and gone.  I enjoyed a really nice three-day weekend plus one more day off for extra relaxation.  I didn’t go anywhere or see anyone.  Independence day is a time when people get together with their family and friends and eat, drink and pop fireworks.  I don’t have any of that so I do it my way.

It was a typical 100 degree July weekend in San Antonio so I of course spent it naked.   I did some yardwork, swimming in the pool and hot tubbing.  I watched plenty of TV and Youtube.

On the 4th I grilled up some fajitas for dinner then waited for nightfall so I could pop some of my leftover fireworks from New Year’s Eve.  I still had some large bottle rockets, half a box of fancy mortars and various small things. This is the first year I did my fireworks naked and I liked it.

It always amazes me that people wear clothing all the time.  God that would suck.  Wouldn’t this be a much better world if everybody was naked?   We would all realize that we are all the same.  We would all be much more comfortable too.  I was born in the wrong universe.  Aliens don’t wear clothing and they are far more advanced than we are.