Taking back your time

tkbktmSince my near heart attack last month, I’ve come to feel that my time is more valuable than ever.  It’s just like anything else that becomes worth more when there is less of it.

My time is already limited and hard to come by.  Out of a 24 hour day, I have at most, three hours to myself to rest and restore.  I’m not even a workaholic.  Just the regular day has gotten very tiny.

I get up at 6:30 and leave the house at 7:00 to get to work by 8:00.  A 12 mile journey through traffic that takes an hour.  What?

Work is from 8 to 5.  I leave at 5 sharp because life is more valuable than work.  It takes me another hour to get home.  It’s now 6PM.

IF I have no time burglars to steal it, I have three precious hours to myself before I have to go to bed at 9 in order to be asleep by 10 so I can get at least 8 hours of glorious sleep which is still inadequate.

So three hours of life each day to myself.  Lately those three hours are being stolen by other people wanting something from me or otherwise wasting my time.  Today I have to go fix someone’s computer.  I’ll be lucky to be home by bedtime in order to start the cycle all over again.

Well.  I’m not going to allow it any longer.  My three hours are MINE!  No more computer fixing.  No more anything that involves the loss of even a minute of those wonderful three hours.  I’m taking back my time.  Don’t ask me for anything because I’m going to say no.  I have possibly just a few years left to live.  I’ll be lucky to see 60 so sorry.

The price of my personal time has gone WAY up.  I don’t think you can afford me.

Doesn’t it bother anyone that 21 hours of our day is spent at work, getting to or from work, or sleeping so we can go to work?  Why isn’t anyone doing something about it?  Life should not be like this.  Do you ever get the feeling that this universe we live in is some kind of alternate, evil universe where everyone has the evil mustache and beard?

Somebody do something and do it quickly!  Make it stop!





Back in Time

wstavnToday I happened to be driving past the elementary school I attended back in the early 70’s.  I saw a the tiny children walking about on the playground.  That was me once.


Funny how the circle of life sneaks up on you.  I recall my experiences in that school as if they were just yesterday.  I remember specific incidents and locations in that school where things happened.  I remember the classrooms and even the school layout.  I remember the smell of crayons as you walk in the door.  I don’t remember being that small though.


I remember standing at the fence with my adorable little fingers hanging on through the chain-link and wondering what it would be like to be in one of those cars.  Now I’m on the other side.


I looked back at those kids and thought about how strange it was that yesterday I was them and today I am 48 with progressive lenses, three stents in my heart and chronic lower and upper back pain.  Just the other day I was 5 and without a care in the world. Suddenly I’m a lonely old man with the majority of his life in the rear-view mirror living an empty, pointless life with little to look forward to other than eating vegetables, working for health insurance and hoping I don’t have a heart attack until I get the chance to move to Colorado.


Would little Max in Elementary School even have a clue what was ahead of him?  Did he expect to be unhappy and alone for his entire life?  I don’t think that was his plan but I also don’t think he would have been surprised if I stopped my car and walked over to that very fence and told him.


I seriously don’t think there would be anything he could do about it.  First, he wouldn’t believe me.  Nobody believes you when you tell them about their future.  Human nature says you have to figure it out for yourself no matter what truth people tell you. Second, the values he set for his life wouldn’t allow it anyway.  Max was always a logical guy. No matter what, his life was destined to turn out exactly as it did.


I think Ferris Bueller said it best.  “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around for a while, you could miss it.”


He was right.


Sunday – Work or Rest???

wrkorrstIt’s Sunday morning and I have a big dilemma taunting me.

Do I spend the day working on stuff that has been digging at me for weeks or do I spend the day resting because I have another week of work ahead of me?

During the week I feel stressed out because I don’t have time to do the things that I need to do at home.  I spend the whole week pining about it.  When the weekend comes, I am wiped out and need to rest because I don’t get enough rest during the week.  During the next week it just gets worse and worse.

What a first world problem, huh?

I am leaning toward rest and TV because that’s what I need most.  Maybe I’ll work in a few things between shows.  That’s usually the way it goes.  I sure wish there were more hours in a day.

Wasting our lives  at work is unacceptable.  Doesn’t it bother anyone?

Maybe Donald Trump will fix it.



The End of Struggling

strglI think I’ve finally reached another level of enlightenment in the strangeness that I call life.

I’ve spent countless years, Well…48, in a constant struggle with or against life.  Struggle for things I want or things I think I need.  Things I know I will never have or achieve yet the struggle continues.

Letting go of the desire for those things can be particularly freeing.  I have come to a point in life where I feel that I may have the ability to succeed in letting them go.  I’ll need to start by making a list.  Lists quantify things allowing you to both remember and act upon them.  I like lists.

I started to write a list here but what I saw looks trite so I deleted it until I’ve given it more thought.  Maybe they are stupid and common but if they are important to me then then they need to be addressed.

  1. Loneliness – I’ve struggled with this forever and still haven’t found a solution.  Time to let it go.  If there is anyone out there for me, they will find me.
  2. Sex – This is a extra-difficult one.  The human brain is programmed for sex.  I know this can never happen so it would really help if I would stop struggling with it.
  3. Early Retirement – Live the good life?  Technically, I should be dead from heart disease so can I really expect to retire early, see the world, get some sleep?  I don’t know.  I should be lucky to live past 60.  I think I’ll just see what happens.
  4. Living in a small town – Not until my mom passes away.  I’m stuck here in Crapopolis for at least another 5-10 years.  There’s no point struggling with it.  There’s nothing I can do about it.  I guess I’ll just see what happens here too.  Plan but not struggle.
  5. I don’t even know what else but that’s a good start.

Stupid, huh?  If somebody else told me that such things were all they lived for I would probably laugh in their face.  Go ahead.  Laugh in mine.  It’s OK.

So what becomes of a person who lets go of all that he desires?  Does life lose it’s meaning or does it simply mutate?  I’m thinking it can go either way depending on your attitude.  I don’t even know what to think.  I’m entering uncharted territory here.  I’m not even sure I can make it happen but I think I’m about to find out.  I’ve made major mental changes before so I’m thinking I can do this too.  The first step was realizing that there was a problem.  Wish me luck.