I’ve spent countless years, Well…48, in a constant struggle with or against life. Struggle for things I want or things I think I need. Things I know I will never have or achieve yet the struggle continues.
Letting go of the desire for those things can be particularly freeing. I have come to a point in life where I feel that I may have the ability to succeed in letting them go. I’ll need to start by making a list. Lists quantify things allowing you to both remember and act upon them. I like lists.
I started to write a list here but what I saw looks trite so I deleted it until I’ve given it more thought. Maybe they are stupid and common but if they are important to me then then they need to be addressed.
- Loneliness – I’ve struggled with this forever and still haven’t found a solution. Time to let it go. If there is anyone out there for me, they will find me.
- Sex – This is a extra-difficult one. The human brain is programmed for sex. I know this can never happen so it would really help if I would stop struggling with it.
- Early Retirement – Live the good life? Technically, I should be dead from heart disease so can I really expect to retire early, see the world, get some sleep? I don’t know. I should be lucky to live past 60. I think I’ll just see what happens.
- Living in a small town – Not until my mom passes away. I’m stuck here in Crapopolis for at least another 5-10 years. There’s no point struggling with it. There’s nothing I can do about it. I guess I’ll just see what happens here too. Plan but not struggle.
- I don’t even know what else but that’s a good start.
Stupid, huh? If somebody else told me that such things were all they lived for I would probably laugh in their face. Go ahead. Laugh in mine. It’s OK.
So what becomes of a person who lets go of all that he desires? Does life lose it’s meaning or does it simply mutate? I’m thinking it can go either way depending on your attitude. I don’t even know what to think. I’m entering uncharted territory here. I’m not even sure I can make it happen but I think I’m about to find out. I’ve made major mental changes before so I’m thinking I can do this too. The first step was realizing that there was a problem. Wish me luck.