The End of Struggling

strglI think I’ve finally reached another level of enlightenment in the strangeness that I call life.

I’ve spent countless years, Well…48, in a constant struggle with or against life.  Struggle for things I want or things I think I need.  Things I know I will never have or achieve yet the struggle continues.

Letting go of the desire for those things can be particularly freeing.  I have come to a point in life where I feel that I may have the ability to succeed in letting them go.  I’ll need to start by making a list.  Lists quantify things allowing you to both remember and act upon them.  I like lists.

I started to write a list here but what I saw looks trite so I deleted it until I’ve given it more thought.  Maybe they are stupid and common but if they are important to me then then they need to be addressed.

  1. Loneliness – I’ve struggled with this forever and still haven’t found a solution.  Time to let it go.  If there is anyone out there for me, they will find me.
  2. Sex – This is a extra-difficult one.  The human brain is programmed for sex.  I know this can never happen so it would really help if I would stop struggling with it.
  3. Early Retirement – Live the good life?  Technically, I should be dead from heart disease so can I really expect to retire early, see the world, get some sleep?  I don’t know.  I should be lucky to live past 60.  I think I’ll just see what happens.
  4. Living in a small town – Not until my mom passes away.  I’m stuck here in Crapopolis for at least another 5-10 years.  There’s no point struggling with it.  There’s nothing I can do about it.  I guess I’ll just see what happens here too.  Plan but not struggle.
  5. I don’t even know what else but that’s a good start.

Stupid, huh?  If somebody else told me that such things were all they lived for I would probably laugh in their face.  Go ahead.  Laugh in mine.  It’s OK.

So what becomes of a person who lets go of all that he desires?  Does life lose it’s meaning or does it simply mutate?  I’m thinking it can go either way depending on your attitude.  I don’t even know what to think.  I’m entering uncharted territory here.  I’m not even sure I can make it happen but I think I’m about to find out.  I’ve made major mental changes before so I’m thinking I can do this too.  The first step was realizing that there was a problem.  Wish me luck.