Be More Observant!

obsrvntI have been very unobservant lately.  Maybe it’s a good thing but I think probably not.  Everything I do lately seems to be done in a fog.  Maybe it’s because my vision is not as sharp as it used to be.  I think that may be the major cause.

For example:  Yesterday I went to the store to pick up some bulk snack mix.  I start with a base mix and add a few things to it to make it better.  One thing I added was chocolate covered raisins to add a little sweetness to the otherwise nutty mix.  It wasn’t until I got home that I noticed that the base mix I got already had chocolate chips.  Now it’s too chocolatey.  Is that possible?  Yes if you’re eating healthy.  First world problems…

Anyway, it’s just an example of the fact that I don’t look closely at things anymore. I do things generally without looking at the details.  Not sure what to do about that.  I guess the trick is to just take the time and look.  Don’t be in such a hurry.



Learning to run again

rnnrI’m supposed to get more exercise but finding ways is difficult when you don’t have a lot of extra time.  I’ve been walking around the block but not really feeling that it is enough exertion.  I entertained the idea of running but every time I tried I felt like I was stumbling and going to fall.  Little by little I would run for a 50-100 feet and walk again.  Now it is starting to feel more natural.

Today is November 22nd and instead of cold it was 77 degrees when I got home after work.  It was already getting dark so I stripped naked and put on my tiny black running shorts and some shoes.  I hit the street and managed to run quite a bit.  My walking app indicated that I had traveled a mile in 13 minutes rather than the usual 18 it takes if I walk the whole way.

I didn’t feel like I was going to fall.  It still feels weird but not entirely unnatural anymore.  The last time I remember actually “running” was when I was in elementary school.  That was many lifetimes ago.

I don’t know much about running so I wonder if it is bad for my knees.  That would suck to have fucked up knees in a few years.  I guess I’ll have to do some googling.  I do feel like the running is effective exercise so I think I will try to do more of it.


Another Land-Shopping Let-Down

fieldYesterday I go the land bug again and decided to do a little shopping.  I have pretty much given up on my dream of moving to Colorado to retire early.  I still want to retire early.  I’m only two years away from my new deadline of 50. (Holy shit!)  I don’t want to live in San Antonio.  It’s too big and there are WAAAAAAYYYY to many people here.  I just want to live in a small town far from the influence of any big city.

There’s a small town about 20 miles east of Austin called Bastrop.  It is a kind of special place because it has pine trees.  Unlike the rest of Texas, (except for East Texas) it looks beautiful.  I looked on Zillow and found some plots of land nicely in my price range.  $2-10k.

I was feeling optimistic but not overly optimistic because land hunting will easily let you down.  I jumped in my deer-smashed Prius and hit the road.  It took about an hour and a half to get there.  I found myself in a nicely unimproved neighborhood with Hawaiian street names.  Bonus!   Finding my first pick was not easy though.  The neighborhood is composed of both old and new houses and some streets that show up on google maps are nothing more than a barely visible path through a field of weeds.  I drove up and down the road like a fool trying to figure out how to get to the place Zillow said was for sale.  I had to stop and consult Google Maps on my phone constantly because it kept telling me I had to go pas the end of the road.

Finally I decided to throw caution to the wind and headed off the road and into the field in my off-road Prius.  I plowed through a field of high weeds barely able to see where I was going.  Weed chunks and grasshoppers were all over my windshield.  I powered through a mud hole and luckily made it to the other side.  The street I was looking for was nothing more than a deeply water-gouged trench.  Not going that way for sure. I continued on until I got back to a real road.  So much for that property.

Already disappointed, I consulted Zillow to see what else was available.  I drove to various plots of land that were either on the side of a hill or in a ditch.  Completely unbuildable.  I found a few lots that had potential but some bastard carved up the whole neighborhood into tiny lots.  Most were empty now but they are so small that once they are occupied each house would nearly be touching the next.  Asshole!

Some lots were shaded by beautiful pine trees but most of the ones I saw were just scrub brush much like the rest of Texas.  I guess all the good stuff with road access is already taken.  See!  Too many people!!!!!  What did I tell you?

Disappointed and depressed, I gave up on my quest and stopped in a nearby Chinese buffet to eat my sadness away.  I really wanted to find something because this town had everything I require:

  1. Hardware stores
  2. Best Buy
  3. Chinese Food
  4. A community band
  5. An area naturist club
  6. Grocery Store
  7. Not too close to a big city.

I drove home wondering what the fuck I’m going to do.

Do I give up on my dream of having at least 1/2 acre of land so I can have a house surrounded by a privacy field of trees and brush so I can go naked all day?

Do I settle for a house right up at the street like all the other common people always feel like I don’t have what I want?

Do I give up completely and live out my pointless life in an overcrowded city with infinite traffic jams?

I have two years to figure this out if I’m going to meet my deadline.  Now that I found out that I have Heart Disease and possibly have less time that I thought it is even more important that I do something soon.  I wish I could find someone who will let me buy an acre in the corner of their ranch and let me be happy.


Give me a break!

img_0876Can you believe this??  I just got my car back from the shop from my last accident where some lady pulls out right in front of me.  I’ve had it maybe three weeks and this morning a deer jumps out in front of me on a well traveled city street.  It just flew out of the trees and smashed right into me.  What a dumbass deer!  I hope it suffered.

I can still drive it but this time the damage looks worse than the last one.  The front frame in front of the engine is pushed back a few inches.  The bumper cover is going to have to be replaced again as well as the passenger side fender and the hood and various trim pieces.  I don’t need this shit.  The body shop can’t even get me in until Nov 30th.  Two weeks away.

I don’t have rental insurance so this time I won’t have a rental car.  My mom is going to let me borrow her’s but it will take at least three weeks maybe four to repair.  I could drive my RV to work if I have to.  They better not give me any shit about it being totaled.   If so, I am leaving that insurance company for sure.  If I have to, I can probably fix it myself.  The parts are relatively easy to replace and I can probably bend the frame back into place. Surprisingly, the hood still opens and closes.  I’m pretty sure it will be covered.

So is this Karma or something?  I thought I was being a good boy.  I was happy and friendly and feeling good and then the universe starts throwing deer at me.  I’m a bit depressed about it but shit happens and time will heal my wounds.  All will be OK in a few months.


The Happiest I’ve Ever Felt

hppydncI don’t know what it is but suddenly I’ve felt happier than ever.  That’s pretty good since I haven’t experienced real happiness since 1977.

Maybe it is the end of the oppressive summer heat.  Maybe it is because Donald Trump won the election.  Maybe I’ve just finally let go of being depressed.  I guess all are contributing factors.

In spite of the fact that I nearly had a heart attack and have to eat vegetarian.  In spite of the fact that the future I strived for has become a pipe dream due to health factors and family duty.  Despite the fact that I’ve lost my two remaining friends.  Maybe not lost, but letting them go.  I feel better than ever.

I’m not dwelling on my past.  I’m not obsessing about my future.  I’m living in the present and it feels really good.  I’m taking life day by day and not caring about anything that doesn’t matter to me.  Sounds pretty selfish but it works!  I feel like dancing.

I sure hope I never go back.  Life is perfect as it is so let the future bring what may come.   Insert link to Pharrell Williams Happy Song on Youtube.  I’m truly happy and if you don’t like it then don’t worry.  Be Happy.

Dooo doo do dooo dooo, dooo dooo doooo doo do do do doooooooo!



Unfriended In Real Life

unfrnddLooks like I’ve been unfriended in real life.  There’s this girl I met many years ago.  We met on Craigslist looking for SCUBA buddies.  It turned out we had a lot of stuff in common.  We were really only friends and nothing more.  I never felt she was interested in anything more and I actually liked it that way.  Some benefits would have been nice but it wasn’t like that even though I fantasized.

The big problem is that she was always depressed about her life or lack thereof.  Of course I was in the same boat but not in the same manner.  My problems were mental where her’s are mostly real.  Low paying job, sick mother living with her.  No money to do anything.  Deep in debt.  Sucks. It was her favorite topic for conversation and it got old quickly even though I did my best to listen and offer assistance.  I eventually overcame the majority of my problems but have been unable to help her no matter how I tried.  We eventually stopped diving and going on trips because she had no money or time.

She’s very smart but is dwelling on depression which only makes things worse.  Like I learned a while back, nobody can or is going to help you when you’re depressed.  It’s up to you to figure it out.  I tried to help her but like any other human, you can’t learn from others.  You have to learn on your own.

Now she’s at the point where she is not seeing things clearly and if somebody says anything wrong, she takes it wrong.  A few weeks ago I emailed her to see how she was doing and got no response.  I waited a week and emailed her again.  Still no response.  I posted an “Are you OK” message on her Facebook page.  Finally a few days later she emailed me basically saying that she is shutting herself off from all her friends because they are abandoning her.  I can see where she might see it that way.  When people invite her to do something she can’t do it because of money or sick mother issues.  Eventually they stop trying.  It’s a crappy vicious cycle but that’s pretty much how you lose your friends.  A few months ago I had asked her to go on a cruise with me for my one-week vacation a year.  She couldn’t go so I said “I didn’t think so.  I’ll just go to Colorado to look for land”.   I didn’t mean it in a malicious way but that’s how she took it.  Apparently she is pissed of at me just like her other friends. I explained in a follow-up email and did my best to help her but she stopped responding.

So I’m considering myself Unfriended.  It does suck to loose someone who has things in common with you because those people are extremely rare.  On the other hand, as a friend, she was pretty much useless and I was still just as lonely and hurting as ever.  I’m sorry to see her go but I left the door open in case she ever wants to get in touch again.  I always felt a loyalty responsibility to her and now that she is gone I guess I’m open to finding someone else.  Good luck with that, right?  Still, the position is now open.  Anyone needing a really dedicated friend BFF FWB PDQ HIJKLMNOP can take my online test to see if they are awesome enough to apply.