Unfriended In Real Life

unfrnddLooks like I’ve been unfriended in real life.  There’s this girl I met many years ago.  We met on Craigslist looking for SCUBA buddies.  It turned out we had a lot of stuff in common.  We were really only friends and nothing more.  I never felt she was interested in anything more and I actually liked it that way.  Some benefits would have been nice but it wasn’t like that even though I fantasized.

The big problem is that she was always depressed about her life or lack thereof.  Of course I was in the same boat but not in the same manner.  My problems were mental where her’s are mostly real.  Low paying job, sick mother living with her.  No money to do anything.  Deep in debt.  Sucks. It was her favorite topic for conversation and it got old quickly even though I did my best to listen and offer assistance.  I eventually overcame the majority of my problems but have been unable to help her no matter how I tried.  We eventually stopped diving and going on trips because she had no money or time.

She’s very smart but is dwelling on depression which only makes things worse.  Like I learned a while back, nobody can or is going to help you when you’re depressed.  It’s up to you to figure it out.  I tried to help her but like any other human, you can’t learn from others.  You have to learn on your own.

Now she’s at the point where she is not seeing things clearly and if somebody says anything wrong, she takes it wrong.  A few weeks ago I emailed her to see how she was doing and got no response.  I waited a week and emailed her again.  Still no response.  I posted an “Are you OK” message on her Facebook page.  Finally a few days later she emailed me basically saying that she is shutting herself off from all her friends because they are abandoning her.  I can see where she might see it that way.  When people invite her to do something she can’t do it because of money or sick mother issues.  Eventually they stop trying.  It’s a crappy vicious cycle but that’s pretty much how you lose your friends.  A few months ago I had asked her to go on a cruise with me for my one-week vacation a year.  She couldn’t go so I said “I didn’t think so.  I’ll just go to Colorado to look for land”.   I didn’t mean it in a malicious way but that’s how she took it.  Apparently she is pissed of at me just like her other friends. I explained in a follow-up email and did my best to help her but she stopped responding.

So I’m considering myself Unfriended.  It does suck to loose someone who has things in common with you because those people are extremely rare.  On the other hand, as a friend, she was pretty much useless and I was still just as lonely and hurting as ever.  I’m sorry to see her go but I left the door open in case she ever wants to get in touch again.  I always felt a loyalty responsibility to her and now that she is gone I guess I’m open to finding someone else.  Good luck with that, right?  Still, the position is now open.  Anyone needing a really dedicated friend BFF FWB PDQ HIJKLMNOP can take my online test to see if they are awesome enough to apply.