The Dream Resurfaces Again

hitwI know from past experiences that whenever my dream of living in a house in the country outside a small town pushes up from the depths of my repressed desires, there’s going to be disappointment ahead.

I can’t count how many times I’ve chased my dream only to have it dashed to pieces like a wineglass on the tile floor.  Still… The heart wants what it wants.

I’ve had to lower my expectations once again from a small town in the mountains of Colorado to a small town in Texas.  Not what I had in mind but we must make compromises.  Life isn’t as grand as you would expect.

When selecting a small town the following requirements must be met.

1. Must be small and not too close to the virus that is San Antonio.
2. Must have a Lowes, Home Depot or equivalent hardware store.
3. Must have a good quality Grocery Store.
4. Must have a community band.
5. Must have a river.
6. Must be majority White Population.

I’ve found a place that I will leave unnamed because the fewer people who know about it, the smaller it stays.  Suffice it to say, it meets the requirements well.  The only bad part is that it still in Texas where it is hot hot and more hot.  Fortunately the fact that it is not a large city reduces the heat-island effect so evenings have a better chance of being cooler.  We’ve had a recent cold snap in Texas this December and I’ve having second thoughts about wanting to live where it is cold all the time.  Maybe hot isn’t so bad.   If all goes well I will end up with enough privacy that I can be naked all the time anyway and it won’t be as unpleasant.

I’ve also let go of the requirement of building my own house.  It’s still not out of the question. I’m getting older now and it may not be physically possible.  That time may have passed.  I am settling for buying an existing house.  I have been pleasantly surprised to find on Zillow that a few fixer-uppers exist there in my price range of $150K that appear to be nestled on at least an acre of land.  That would work nicely.  I would much prefer a fixer-upper anyway.  The price is lower and I’ll have fun stuff to work on.  I could sell my current house for $150K and easily move to the new place without getting a mortgage.

Now the big question is, When?

I guess, technically, any moment.

A. I’ve been at my current job for almost two years now upon which time I will get my full retirement benefits. (If I make it to retirement age.)

B. I’m still close enough to my mom that I can feel not so bad about moving out of town.  I’ll only be about 2 hours away.

C. I don’t need to have a full time job to exist.  I can work part time or for a lesser salary if necessary in a small town.  Working full time sucks anyway.  I can do with more free time to work on the house.

I’ve spent a lot of time making my current house awesome.

B. The whole moving process is a pain in the ass.

C. I’m afraid of change even if it is something I want so badly.

Before I make any permanent plans, I need to spend more time in that town and get to know the area better.  I’ll use the upcoming spring and summer to learn more about the town and sit in on one of the community orchestra concerts to see if they are any good. I enjoy being the the band now and it would be one of the things I would miss the most when I leave.

It’s kind of nice to have hope again.  When hope is gone then your whole existence is pointless. I hope that this doesn’t evolve into another obsession leading up to disappointment.  You know it will.  At least this time it is more realistic.

Let’s see what happens.