Can I be contented

cntntmtSo we come back to this again.

My recent plan to get what I’ve always wanted came really close but no cigar.  The house I wanted to buy was just maybe too far gone to be realistic.  See previous post.

Once again I return to the bigger picture.  Would it not be OK to just be content with what I have?  Millions of people would consider my life accomplishments to be highly desirable.  Even people I know would kill to be in my shoes.  Yet still, somehow, it isn’t enough for me.  I have a dream and that dream demands to be satisfied no matter how unnecessary it may be.

My time is running out.  I’ll be 49 this year and due to hereditary heart disease, my days may be numbered.  I don’t know that for sure but you kind of have to plan for the worst case scenario.  I may not make it to the Social Security retirement age of 63.  Single people have a tendency to live shorter lives as well.  Loneliness makes life less worth striving for.  I think I may be lucky to have another 10 years left. 20 Maximum.

I don’t like living in the big city.  I don’t like working 8-5.  I don’t like paying $3000 property tax.  On the other hand, millions of other people are doing it so what makes me special?

Would it be possible to just be happy with the really nice house I have in a neighborhood full of other houses within arm’s reach of each other?  Is it good enough?  Everyone else here seems OK with it.  Why am I not OK with it?  Could I be OK with it?

Technically, I could just stay here and live out the rest of my life as is.  The backup plan is really to sit tight until my mom passes away.  At that point I would be free to move about the country at will.  She’s 86 now but in good health.  I certainly don’t want her to die and she may not for another 15 years.  That would put me dangerously close to my end of life.  If I make it that long I would not have much time left to experience life outside of San Antonio.

So should I be content now?    Surely that’s not impossible.  Rather than spending another two decades fighting reality, maybe I should welcome it and get as much as I can out of life as it is.  It’s really not all that bad considering the human condition.  It’s pretty much as good as it gets unless you win the lottery.  (Still buying tickets occasionally but it’s harder than it looks.)

I wish I wasn’t so intelligent.  Maybe I need beer.  Beer seems to do the trick for everyone else.  A little liquid mind control might be just the thing.  I hear there is legislation in the works for Texas to make marijuana legal.  That would content me out I think.  I won’t hold my breath for it though.  Texas is very conservative and uptight.

Thinking is bad. Don’t do it!  It will only lead you down the path to unhappiness.  Be content.  Right?

 

Advertisements