Heading down a bad path

bdpthI am heading down a bad path mentally.  It’s going to take a serious quantity of happy thinking to get me back on track.

I had better experience an act of kindness from a friend or stranger soon or I’m going to totally lose my faith in humanity and everything good.

My whole life has been spent giving to others and never receiving even the simple things that a person needs to survive.  I don’t want your thanks.  I don’t want your money. I don’t want lame gifts. I want you to nourish my soul and make my life worth living.

Right now I am on the verge of reaching the point of no return and I’m scared.  Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.  I do NOT want to spend any time with friends or family other than my mom.  I don’t want to talk to them.  I don’t want to see them.  I am seconds away from deleting Facebook from my phone and tablet.   Every single time that I have spent time or communicated with others I have regretted it in one way or another.  I leave the situation feeling like my soul has been sucked out leaving my desiccated corpse lying in the dirt.

I am happiest by myself doing fun projects and keeping it awesome.  I guess that’s just the way it’s going to have to be.  I like to be alone.  It’s the best.

Thinking happy thoughts really hard….