Sadness Pangs?

Lately I’ve been experiencing what seem to be pangs of sadness.  It’s kind of like a pinprick in my brain right between my eyes.

It’s a strange feeling and hard to describe.  It’s like my eyes want to cry.  It comes randomly and then disappears immediately.

I can only guess that it is 40 years worth of repressed sadness, frustration, emptiness trying to escape.  I wonder if I have reached my capacity for storing it all up.  How much room is left?  What happens when I’m completely full?  I expect one would need to cry to let it out but I seem to be incapable.  The last time I came close to crying it took major effort to sustain it for less than a minute.  Still it felt fake and was completely ineffective.

Is there something other than crying to relieve the pressure?

Sucks.

 

 

Quick Book Review – Year Zero

yzroThe aliens of the universe were never very good with music.  It wasn’t until they discovered an early broadcast of The Welcome Back Kotter theme song that they have heard anything good.  Year Zero represents the beginning of time with real music.

The aliens realize that they have been enjoying earth music for decades without paying for it and approach the earth looking to buy license to play it throughout the Universe.

The premise sounds really interesting but after forcing myself to read 25% of this book I was unable to keep my interest.  As most books these days, it was just too slow and descriptive.  Maybe it’s my AT&T but I need more concise writing.  This book rambled away at unimportant things until I was worn down.  Maybe this book is good for you but it didn’t work for me.  I hate to abandon a book with a good premise but I had to let it go.

I should start a business that fixes story lines to make books more awesome.   It’s a shame to waste a good title.  No offence to the Author.

If you like details and a lot of story then maybe Year Zero is for you.  Don’t take my word for it.  I’m special.

 

More people go to work when it rains.

TrafficIt seems completely backwards to me that when it rains, everyone goes to work.  Traffic is backed up and it takes me longer to get to work.

I don’t get it.  I would think that when it rains people would say, “Meh.  I’m not going to work.”

Instead they all jump out of bed and get in their cars so they can clog up the road.

If I had a choice, like many people seem to have, I would not get out of bed on rainy days.  Those are the best days for sleeping in.  People are stupid.

Stop looking at me like that!!

I swear I’m not going to talk to anyone anymore.  I’m tired of getting that, “Are you an alien?” face from you.

The other day I stopped by a modular home lot to see what the houses looked like.  Before I could see anything I had to go through the sales spiel and answer a lot of questions. I can’t count the number of times I answered simple questions and got the alien face.

  1. Do you rent an apartment?  No.  I have a house.  Face.
  2. How much do you pay for your mortgage?  I paid it off 10 years ago. Face.
  3. Do you have any pets?  No.  I might get a dog.  Face.
  4. Do you live on the south side?  No.  I’m on the Northwest side.  Face.
  5. How long have you lived in San Antonio?  All my life.  Face.
  6. What is your income?  $54,000. Face.
  7. What kind of financing will you be needing?  None.  I’ll pay cash.  Face.
  8. Do you want a 3 or 4 bedroom house?  Just one bedroom please.  Face.

I was ready to slap the face right off this guy.

It’s not just him either.  I see it all the time from friends and family.  Is there anyone I can talk to who is normal?  You’re all insane and I hate you.

 

No Country for Old Man

No Land For You!

I spent the whole day driving.  I put over 400 miles on the car trying to satisfy my only life goal.  A house in the country.

I drove to the small town I’ve chosen to spend the rest of my life in and started by looking at a few properties I found on the internet.  They proved to be unsatisfactory as I expected.  You never know what it really looks like from the pictures and satellite images.  You have to experience it to really get the feel.

I stopped by a place that sells manufactured homes.  I was just wondering what they were like.  They’re still Mobile Homes no matter what you call them.  Made of cheap materials.  It was interesting to see but I decided pretty quickly that I was not going to go in that direction.  $60,000 for a house is a good price for instant house but I would not want to live in one.

My next stop was the office of a company called UBuildit.  They help you prepare your plans guide you through the process of building a house.  It would cost $11,000 for their services.  I may consider that.  I’m not sure I could handle it all on my own.  They will draw up my pans for $1.00 per square foot whether I use them or not.  I may take them up on that.  I will need quality plans anyway.  They offered me some useful advice in my land hunting quest.

After some lunch, I took to the backstreets out in the country south of town where I really feel like I want to be.  I drove up and down, left, right, in the middle, round the side and up the back for countless miles looking for the elusive “For Sale” sign.  They were few and far between.  It seems that people are just not selling any land.  If they are, they’re keeping it a secret.

I saw so many places that would have been perfect.  There were hundreds of little dirt driveways leading off into unseen areas through the trees.  THAT’S WHAT I WANT!!!   Nothing for sale.  It’s hard to fathom that in so many hundreds of square miles I can find nothing.  It makes no sense.

After being on the road for 8 hours I was tired and frustrated so I decided to call it quits.  I drove home like a zombie trying to figure out what I am supposed to do with my life if I can’t get the only thing I want.

I came home and immediately took a shower to wash off the external film of failure.  Next I wrote this blog entry to flush out the internal failure.  It helps.

So here I am back in Mundania with nothing to look forward to.  Kind of sucks.  I’m trying so hard to be positive and keep a good attitude.  I’ll feel better in the morning after I sleep it off.

 

 

World Naked Gardening Day

Today is World Naked Gardening Day.  Unfortunately due to the lack of privacy I was only able to garden mostly naked.  I just wore my tiniest speedos.  One day, as soon as I move to the country, I will be able to garden naked every day.

In a better world, every day would be naked gardening day.

 

Land Shopping Frustration

 I’m feeling really frustrated today.  Time is passing quickly and I am still unable to find a few acres of land for my retirement house.

I’ve located the area where I would like to live out the rest of my life but there’s nothing appropriate available for sale.  Literally nothing.  It’s like people don’t want to sell any of their land.  I know I need to be patient.  I totally feel like I did when I was RV shopping.  I got really frustrated then suddenly the perfect one appeared for just the right price.

I’ve been land shopping for years and am really serious right now.  I sure hope that perfect things pops up soon.  It’s starting to hurt.  I spent a good portion of the day scouring the real estate sites but finding nothing.  I’ve finally convinced myself that it’s OK to pay $40,000 for 4 acres.  It really sucks because 30 years ago we sold some family land for $3,000 an acre.  What a stupid thing to do.

Fortunately the area wasn’t really where I would want to live anyway so other than the loss of the value I’m not broken up too much about it.

I desperately want to get out of San Antonio.  I can’t stand it anymore.  It has to be the worst place on earth.  The area I like is near a small town around 150-200 miles away from San Antonio.  Far enough away not to be under the influence of this horrible place.  I’m sure hoping that one day soon my dream land will appear.  It better be soon!

I feel a little better now.  I needed someone to talk to about it.