Today, being Memorial day, I wasn’t sure how to celebrate it other than just not having to go to work. I decided that I should maybe go have some special food. I was going to try maybe Red Robin for a burger. I looked up the nutrition info and the basic burger there had 19 grams of saturated fat. Way more than I usually eat but it is a special occasion. Just for grins I looked up the nutrition for a burger and fries at Whataburger. Only 10 Grams! I love Whataburger and have been let down by Red Robin in the past so it was a no-brainer. Whataburger it is! Cheaper and better. if you’re ever in Texas, make it a point to eat at Whataburger. It makes places like Steak and Shake and In-n-out burger taste like McDonalds. AWESOME!
To the point:
As I sat there I noticed a young couple sitting on the same side of the next booth. They were probably in high school. I marveled at what I saw. It is difficult for me to even imagine what love feels like. When I see things like this, I desperately want to go and ask them, “What does it feel like?” Even if I did ask the question, I’m not sure it is a question that has a tangible answer. How could they even respond in a manner that would make sense to me?
It made me remember something. The last time I held hands with a girl was probably 45 years ago when I was in preschool. My mom told me that I and a girl we carpooled with were a hot item. I’m not sure I have any memories of this but it makes me wonder if I was normal at one point in my life. I wonder when things changed? I remember in third grade planning to one day marry this other girl in my class. Things were still normal then. I expect I lost touch with reality when my father died when I was in elementary school. I didn’t realize it at the time but I got seriously screwed up by not having a father figure in my formative years.
To this day, I feel the desire to have a mate but don’t have the skills or mental faculties to make it happen. I’ve surely convinced myself that I don’t want such things yet something deep inside keeps nagging me. I wonder if it is a human nature thing or if it is external sociological influence. Other than actually mating, it seems to me that the sociological construct of marriage is a human invention perpetrated continuously over time until it has become so normal that it is almost a requirement.
As far as it happening to me? I don’t feel that I have what it takes to meet today’s norms. I am a special person among an ocean of regular people. It’s tough. I wonder if one day that other special fish will swim into my reef and change the world.
Are you out there?