What’s it like to be in love?

IMG_0274Today, being Memorial day, I wasn’t sure how to celebrate it other than just not having to go to work.  I decided that I should maybe go have some special food.  I was going to try maybe Red Robin for a burger.  I looked up the nutrition info and the basic burger there had 19 grams of saturated fat.  Way more than I usually eat but it is a special occasion.  Just for grins I looked up the nutrition for a burger and fries at Whataburger.  Only 10 Grams!  I love Whataburger and have been let down by Red Robin in the past so it was a no-brainer.  Whataburger it is!  Cheaper and better.  if you’re ever in Texas, make it a point to eat at Whataburger.  It makes places like Steak and Shake and In-n-out burger taste like McDonalds.   AWESOME!

To the point:

As I sat there I noticed a young couple sitting on the same side of the next booth.  They were probably in high school.  I marveled at what I saw.  It is difficult for me to even imagine what love feels like.  When I see things like this, I desperately want to go and ask them, “What does it feel like?”   Even if I did ask the question, I’m not sure it is a question that has a tangible answer.  How could they even respond in a manner that would make sense to me?

It made me remember something.  The last time I held hands with a girl was probably 45 years ago when I was in preschool.  My mom told me that I and a girl we carpooled with were a hot item.  I’m not sure I have any memories of this but it makes me wonder if I was normal at one point in my life.  I wonder when things changed?  I remember in third grade planning to one day marry this other girl in my class.  Things were still normal then.  I expect I lost touch with reality when my father died when I was in elementary school.  I didn’t realize it at the time but I got seriously screwed up by not having a father figure in my formative years.

To this day, I feel the desire to have a mate but don’t have the skills or mental faculties to make it happen.  I’ve surely convinced myself that I don’t want such things yet something deep inside keeps nagging me.  I wonder if it is a human nature thing or if it is external sociological influence.  Other than actually mating, it seems to me that the sociological construct of marriage is a human invention perpetrated continuously over time until it has become so normal that it is almost a requirement.

As far as it happening to me?  I don’t feel that I have what it takes to meet today’s norms.  I am a special person among an ocean of regular people.  It’s tough.  I wonder if one day that other special fish will swim into my reef and change the world.

Are you out there?

 

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