Coming to a complete standstill

This evening was our Community Band Movie Night concert.  We play for about an hour before it gets dark enough to start the movie.  It has become a popular event.

I’ve been feeling down all day and even called in sick because I couldn’t stand another day at work this week.  I mostly sat around and watched TV and movies.  I really needed the rest, both physically and mentally.  The boss wasn’t happy but neither was I.

After the concert I stopped by the grocery store for a few things.  I was hoping the concert would pick me up but it didn’t help much.  I was still feeling depressed.  I don’t know exactly why.  I slowly trudged through the aisles in a partial fog trying to get the things I needed.  At one point I slowed down and came to a complete stop in the middle of an aisle.  I just stood there staring into nothingness.  I could have curled up into a ball on the floor and cried.  I could have spent hours standing there like a statue but didn’t want to freak people out so I forced myself back into motion.

I wish I knew exactly what my problem is.  I think it is a combination of many things that has, over the years, become a fog.  I can no longer pick out anything in particular that I can come up with a solution to.  I think it is a combination of the following solution-less issues:

  1. Loneliness
  2. Emptiness
  3. Pointlessness
  4. Futurelessness
  5. Tiredness

They are all things that I can do nothing about so I try to ignore them.  I know that bottling them up and putting them on the shelf in the back of the freezer is not a solution but it’s all I can do.  I wish somebody would help me.  I could really use a nice long hug right now.

 

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