Do not seek the help of others

I’ve spent the majority of my life desperately yearning for someone to help me.  50 years later, still nothing.

Don’t waste time wishing for the help of others.  They have nothing to offer and you’re just hurting yourself.  If you really look at it I’m pretty sure they withhold their help for you because they like to keep you down and in their control.  You’ll always be there for them when they need you and they like you that way.

The lesson here is that the only help you get will be the help you give yourself.  Don’t wait for others to come to you aid or you will be waiting a very long time.  Stand up and pull yourself up by the bootstraps.  Rise from the crevasse and climb that mountain by yourself because only you can do it.  Only you have the power to succeed no matter how much ill others wish upon you.  No.  They don’t care but you do and that’s all that matters.

Jump up and tell them to kiss your ass!  Fuck you and your hat!  I’m not  your bitch anymore.  The world is mine and I never needed you anyway. I win!!!





Poor Kitty

This morning I was driving through the neighborhood to work when I turned a corner and saw something white in the road.  It looked like a plastic grocery bag from a distance.   A couple of kids who were walking to school held up their hands for me to stop.  I stopped and opened my window.  They were concerned about a cat lying in the street.  I pulled over to the curb and got out.

The little white cat had been hit by a car.  She had an broken back leg and blood coming out of her mouth.  Her eyes were popped out.  She was not moving other than her labored breathing.  It was a very sad sight.  I carefully picked her up and moved her to the sidewalk to prevent her from being hit again.  She was in bad shape. She lifted her head and made an attempt to lick herself but collapsed back on the sidewalk.

There was nothing anyone can do so all we could do was continue to school and work.  I was glad to see that the kids cared enough to protect her.  You see so little humanity these days.  Especially kids.  They are usually hardcore bad these days.  I felt bad for these kids having to see such a site but I guess you have to learn about life sooner or later.

I almost cried as I drove away because poor kitty was probably somebody’s loved companion and had a life of her own.  She deserves better than to be mowed down by some bastard who can’t be bothered to stop for a cat crossing the street.  I’m almost crying now.   I don’t even want to try to guess what kind of person it was who did that.  Funny how your faith in humanity can be restored and destroyed in the same incident.


Quick Book Review – The Night Gardener

I’m not sure how I ran across The Night Gardener by Jonathan Auxier.  Maybe Amazon recommended it.

I have to say that I rather enjoyed this book.  It’s always hard to find a book that will keep my attention long enough to finish it.  The Night Gardener did a good job and kept me guessing.

A young, Scottish boy and girl drive their horse-drawn cart to their new job.  Their parents, lost at sea, are always in their thoughts.  They start their new job as Maid and Caretaker for a strange family in an old house near a large magical tree with dangerous secrets.

It’s a great read.  I highly recommend it.  Get it at Amazon.



External Validation

I’ve spent most of my life experiencing low self-esteem.  I blame it on the loss of my father when I was a boy and the subsequent loss of friends and family.  Yeah.  Sad story but who cares.

Even though my last job sucked, I at least had a good source of external validation.  This job lacks even that.  All I hear about is what I’ve done wrong.  There’s no appreciation for all the great things I do every day.  Perhaps because I’m not the kind of guy who toots his own horn.  I’ve always been a person who works in the background to make the world a better place for everyone else.  I don’t go out looking for appreciation.  If others are happy then I’m happy.

However… Sometimes it’s nice to be appreciated.  When you are lonely the chances of being appreciated are minimal.  The answer here is to realize that external validation, though nice, is not really necessary.  Confirming your sense of self-worth is best accomplished through inner appreciation.

I’ve done a pretty decent job of appreciating my own incredible accomplishments but I’m sure I could get to be better at it.  I’m going to make it a point to celebrate my awesomeness whenever it appears.  How, I’m not sure.  Maybe a verbal attaboy and pat on the back.  Food?  Better not.  Shopping?  Meh.  Better keep it psychological.  The point is to make something of it and make it memorable.  Maybe an achievement log.  That sounds like a good idea.  Something to refer to on those low days.

I’m not to the point of depression.  I successfully beat that a few years ago.  I think, overall, I’m handling things rather well.  I know that I am my best admirer and that’s all that counts.  Yes, it hurts when others don’t see it but you can’t force it upon them.  If they don’t get it then they are not worth it anyway.  Now I’m just rambling.  Time for bed.


Light Therapy – Get Naked!

I had a little time to spare this afternoon before I have to rush off to a mid-day band concert so I decided to take a few minutes to get a little light therapy.

It wasn’t exactly sunny on this early March Sunday but you have to take what you can get.

I’ve been cooped up in an office all winter and haven’t experienced any sun in countless months.  A little light therapy can do wonders for your body and soul.  Take advantage of it when you can and feel the sun.  A little is good for you!

Get naked and let the sun wash away your anxiety.  I feel so much better now.


North Side Siding Done!

Holy Guacamole!

It took me at two and a half months but I finally got the rotting siding replaced on the north side of my house.  Well..I’m calling it done.

It really needs another coat of paint but I don’t have another month to spend on that.  Why did it take so long to do such a simple job?  Work and rain.   Due to my 8:30-5:30 job, I have absolutely zero time during the week for ANYTHING.  I cram in Community Band practice on Monday nights and a visit with mom on Wednesday nights.  The other three nights I am wiped out and can do nothing but collapse on the couch and watch TV for an hour or two before I drag myself to bed at 9:00.  Besides.  It’s dark when I get home at 6:30 after an hour drive through crippling traffic so doing anything outside would be extremely difficult.  It also keeps raining on weekends.  How does it know?

It’s a good thing I don’t have friends or family because they would demand some of that precious time.  I don’t know how the regular people do it.  Maybe they don’t care about things like replacing siding.  Maybe important things don’t matter to them.


I had to do 99% of the work myself so I created a winch controlled siding lift using 14 foot 2x4s.  That worked out really well.  I’m amazing!  You should want to be my friend!

Once I removed and replaced all the 4×8 sheets of siding, I had to fill the oops nail holes and paint.  I just now finished replacing the vertical trim pieces that hid the seams.  I really wish I had time and energy for one more coat of paint but it will do.  Maybe another time.

Time is a precious commodity.  There is so little of it available these days since time itself has sped up to ludicrous speed.  Time is something that one really should appreciate to the max.  I’m so glad that this is my last year to play the Time Game.  I’m going to early-retire in January of 2019 if my evil plan goes smoothly. Soon time will be my bitch!  It will do my bidding for a change.

Mua ha haaaaa!


Where are the open-minded people?

I think one of the reasons I feel so alone in this world is that I am surrounded by closed minds.  I am unable to talk openly with my closest acquaintances because they have minds that are programmed in Read Only Memory.

There’s nothing worse than getting that “look” when you say something that is out of the ordinary.  That look that you get when they just can’t comprehend anything different than what they are programmed for.  Like you’ve blown their mind.  Once you get that look, you have to stop because if you continue then they will surely burst into flame or shut down due to overload.

As a result, I have to keep all my amazing thoughts and desires secret.  That really sucks because bottling up awesomeness can cause a psychological embolism.  One day soon I surely hope to find someone who is alive inside before I become dead inside.

So where do you find real, live, open-minded people?  Where are they?  Are they hiding from the zombies like I am?  Do they put on the same common-man facade so the zombies will let them be?  Fans of The Walking Dead will know the trick of covering yourself with zombie guts and blood so that you will smell like one of them and be able to walk among them to get to safety.  It’s like that.  I’m tired of being covered in zombie guts

I wonder if we can come up with some kind of secret sign or symbol.  Something like a Freemason’s ring that can indicate to others than you are one of them.

A ring could be good.  It needs to be a symbol that can be worn on a shirt.  Maybe on a flag.  We need something.

I just did a Google image search on “open mind symbol” and this one caught my eye.  The web page it is on mentions open mind but there’s not much there.  I like it.

It is kind of reminiscent of The Deathly Hallows. That could be a good thing.  What do you think?  It’s kind of basic and could possibly be stylized a bit.  Any open-minded artists out there?  It doesn’t necessarily HAVE to be this image.  Something like it.

I also ran across the silhouette of a man with a hinged cranium but that’s too spot-on.  It needs to be more mysterious and not immediately obvious to the zombies.

Let’s start a new thing!  This can be real.  We don’t have to hide.  We just need a way to find each other.