Do not seek the help of others

I’ve spent the majority of my life desperately yearning for someone to help me.  50 years later, still nothing.

Don’t waste time wishing for the help of others.  They have nothing to offer and you’re just hurting yourself.  If you really look at it I’m pretty sure they withhold their help for you because they like to keep you down and in their control.  You’ll always be there for them when they need you and they like you that way.

The lesson here is that the only help you get will be the help you give yourself.  Don’t wait for others to come to you aid or you will be waiting a very long time.  Stand up and pull yourself up by the bootstraps.  Rise from the crevasse and climb that mountain by yourself because only you can do it.  Only you have the power to succeed no matter how much ill others wish upon you.  No.  They don’t care but you do and that’s all that matters.

Jump up and tell them to kiss your ass!  Fuck you and your hat!  I’m not  your bitch anymore.  The world is mine and I never needed you anyway. I win!!!





External Validation

I’ve spent most of my life experiencing low self-esteem.  I blame it on the loss of my father when I was a boy and the subsequent loss of friends and family.  Yeah.  Sad story but who cares.

Even though my last job sucked, I at least had a good source of external validation.  This job lacks even that.  All I hear about is what I’ve done wrong.  There’s no appreciation for all the great things I do every day.  Perhaps because I’m not the kind of guy who toots his own horn.  I’ve always been a person who works in the background to make the world a better place for everyone else.  I don’t go out looking for appreciation.  If others are happy then I’m happy.

However… Sometimes it’s nice to be appreciated.  When you are lonely the chances of being appreciated are minimal.  The answer here is to realize that external validation, though nice, is not really necessary.  Confirming your sense of self-worth is best accomplished through inner appreciation.

I’ve done a pretty decent job of appreciating my own incredible accomplishments but I’m sure I could get to be better at it.  I’m going to make it a point to celebrate my awesomeness whenever it appears.  How, I’m not sure.  Maybe a verbal attaboy and pat on the back.  Food?  Better not.  Shopping?  Meh.  Better keep it psychological.  The point is to make something of it and make it memorable.  Maybe an achievement log.  That sounds like a good idea.  Something to refer to on those low days.

I’m not to the point of depression.  I successfully beat that a few years ago.  I think, overall, I’m handling things rather well.  I know that I am my best admirer and that’s all that counts.  Yes, it hurts when others don’t see it but you can’t force it upon them.  If they don’t get it then they are not worth it anyway.  Now I’m just rambling.  Time for bed.

Light Therapy – Get Naked!

I had a little time to spare this afternoon before I have to rush off to a mid-day band concert so I decided to take a few minutes to get a little light therapy.

It wasn’t exactly sunny on this early March Sunday but you have to take what you can get.

I’ve been cooped up in an office all winter and haven’t experienced any sun in countless months.  A little light therapy can do wonders for your body and soul.  Take advantage of it when you can and feel the sun.  A little is good for you!

Get naked and let the sun wash away your anxiety.  I feel so much better now.


Float it!

fltdgI’m not sure what my boss has against me but he is making it very difficult to do my work lately.  It was really starting to irk me and I was seriously considering looking for another job or just quitting and taking some time off.

I came to a good conclusion today as I was sitting alone in a restaurant eating lunch.

I will be semi-retiring in December anyway (So is the plan.)  I need to have medical insurance.

There’s really no point struggling.  Yes, it hurts my ego but what is that, really?  This particular life is almost up for me so what do I care?  I’m officially going to float it.

It’s going to be difficult making such a change because I’m not the kind of person to sit idle when there is work to be done but I think it is best.  There’s no point in starting a new job just to quit in less than a year.  It’s not off the table but that’s a lot of trouble for ego.  I could just quit but until it’s time to build my new house, there’s nothing I really need the time for.  Might as well make some extra money while things come together.

The plan is to be passive about it and let come what may.  Do what he says and nothing more if I do not deem it to be necessary.  That’s what a regular employee does anyway, right?  Besides, no matter how hard you work here, your review is just satisfactory at best. Why bother with extra effort?  Jesus himself couldn’t get an Exceeds Expectations.  What makes me think I could?  Why is it so hard to find a satisfying job?  Humans.  Once the machines take over, the world will be a much better place.

It’s February now so I only need to float for 11 months.  We get our bonuses in December so after that, it’s sayonara anyway.  Post it note on my monitor, “Float!”

A few hours later…

I’m having alternative thoughts about a new job.  I spent 10 years or more of my previous job feeling unsatisfied.  I promised myself I would not do that again.  Even if time is short, why spend it poorly.   I did some searching on and found a part time job that might be a nicer fit.   I’m tired of working full time anyway.  Sure I would make less money but I have money.  I need happiness.  I might just apply and see what happens.  My only concern is health insurance.  Most part time jobs don’t offer Health Care but I looked at the costs of buying it myself.  It would be around $500-700 a month.  Not too bad.  I’m going to work on my resume and think about it for a bit.  It’s good to keep your options open.

I have a feeling the boss is going to give me a bad review which would be totally wrong.  That might be my cue to leave.  We’ll see.  Maybe I should leave before my review.

The next day…

I decided to take the adult path.  I was really shaken up last night when I got home. I couldn’t eat or even watch TV.  I went out into the hot tub for a thinking session and reasoned it all out and whittled it down to the truth.  I felt much better and was able to sleep.

Today I went to my boss and asked him if we could talk in the conference room for a few minutes.  I broke the ice and he seemed relieved to have the discussion.  As I suspected we were both frustrated with the work environment we have to deal with.  We both did and said things that we shouldn’t have.  I was originally going to tell him about my frustrations but he needed to unload his so I mostly listened.  He is under a lot of pressure from his superiors as well.  I can tell he understood where I was coming from without having to go into detail.  It was a good chat.

In the end we both felt much better and have a renewed relationship.  I’m glad I did it today so I can relax better this weekend.  Sometimes getting issues out in the open can do wonders.



Stock Market Fall – Feb 2018

The stock market took a huge hit today dropping 1100 points, virtually wiping out all gains from this year. (Only one month).

It felt bad.  Really bad.  People are freaking out and selling like there’s no tomorrow.  It’s all over-hyped though.

The economy is still good and business is great.  This is obviously just the long-awaited correction that we’ve been expecting for over a year.   It had to be big in order to be effective.  Corrections are OK.  Relax. The whole loss was only 4% which really isn’t much.  That can be made back in a month of normal market operations.

What needs to happen now is for people to calm down and look at it properly.   The media needs to not sensationalize it and further scare people.  Those who have been up so much over the last few years have freaked out and are greedily cashing out thinking they are going to preserver their gains.  Relax.  It is better to stay invested than to jump out and buy again later when you THINK the time is right.

Personally, I hate to say it, but I did cash out a bit today.  I need to sell 90K of my portfolio later this month anyway to buy my land in the country. Closing is in just a few weeks.  I figured I would sell now while I’m a little ahead.  I had been up almost 10K in just three months and lost all but 3K today.  I was really hoping this would not happen until next month.  Bummer.  We’ll see how that goes.  Had I not needed it, I would have left it alone.

Overall, I’m not worried about the rest of my investments.  The economy and business is great as I said.  This is just a short-term correction that was expected and has to happen.  The market is and has always been a Roller Coaster.   You have to have downs or it just doesn’t work.



Ca$hing out of all my Crypto Currency

I’ve been considering it for a while now but I finally made up my mind and cashed out of all my Crypto-Currency. It was a GREAT run but it looks like it is over.

I sold my Ripple, My Potcoin, My free Bitcoin Cash and my Litecoin.  That put another $6,000 in my bank account.  Including my bitcoin the total take was $16,000.  Not bad for having put in only about $3,000.

Winner!  Winner!  Winner!

I was hoping for a longer run but now that the regular people have joined the crypto-currency craze, it looks like it may all be doomed.  I blame the media for overhyping and the financial critics for downplaying it.   If they had all minded their own business then prices would still be skyrocketing now.

That’s the problem with the United States.  We can’t keep our mouth shut and our hands to ourselves.  It’s no wonder all the other countries hate us.  Rich people with too much time on their hands to meddle in other people’s business.

Oh well.  I’m just glad I got in and out at the right times.  I bought my bitcoin back in 2014 and “hodled” it long term.  Sometimes you just luck out.  I can’t claim skill here.  It was totally luck.

Maybe things will go back up.  Maybe I’ll buy another coin sometime.  I’m just not feeling it now.  I’m just happy to add $16,000 to my retirement fund.   YAY!


Another $1000 day

1kdlrI really can’t wrap my head around how well the stock market has done for me all last year and into this year.   It’s really amazing.  A while back I opened an account with Wealthfront, an automated investing service, and it is doing so well.  Quite often it will increase $1000 a day.   Today was one of those days.  On a minimal day it may go up $250.  That’s not bad either!

If you aren’t good at picking stocks but need to invest some money, I highly recommend trying Wealthfront.  It’s a no-brainer.  You aren’t going to get anything from a bank account or even a CD.

Wealthfront manages your first $10,000 for free, but if you accept my invitation, we’ll both get an additional $5,000 managed for free. Code: AFFD-IWML-XR6T-0EZG

Even then, the fees are minimal compared to the value you get out of it…Totally worth it.