Letting go of bad friends

Sometimes you just have to let go of things that are bad for you.  Today I decided to let go of an old friend.  I met her many years ago on Craigslist.  We were looking for dive buddies.  We’ve done a lot of diving and other traveling over the years.  I would consider it having been a very good time.

It’s really a shame because I’ve never met someone who was so similar to me in so many ways.  In an alternate universe we would have been amazing friends.  She is virtually the perfect friend for me.  The only problem was that she is very difficult to get ahold of.  She has been very depressed because her life has not gone too well.  She hates her job but has to stick it out because she has a rare pension plan.  Her mom is also sickly and living with her.  These things are no doubt depressing.

I’m not so cold that I don’t care and have done my best to offer my ear to her trouble and my assistance many times.  She doesn’t return my emails or texts so I can only conclude that she has no interest in my company.  I’ve tried as best as a socially inept person can over the years.  There comes a point where you just have to give up.

I wrote her one last email today briefly expressing that I understood and will respect her wishes. I will always be here for her.  She could contact me in the future if she ever wanted to.

It’s probably better for both of us.  I won’t be bothering her anymore and now I can let go and move on.  When it comes to friends, I have a fault of being a faithful friend.  Having too many of them dilutes their value.  Now I am free to look for another and stop waiting for something that isn’t coming.

I have no idea how.  Perhaps Craigslist again.   Maybe not.  I’m pretty sure my destiny is to just die alone.  It’s a strong destiny that may be too powerful for me to battle.  I think I will just continue to complain about being lonely.  It’s what I do best.  I’m hoping for a fresh start when I retire and move next year.  Time will tell.



How American Masculinity Creates Lonely Men

I just heard something incredible on my trip home today. One of the podcasts I listen to in order to pass the time on the long commute is “Hidden Brain” from NPR.

It’s a podcast covering psychological issues in today’s world.  Today’s subject was Lonely Men.  Something I am all to familiar with.

Studies find that American men are shackled by masculinity rules that often result in loneliness.  I guarantee this is a thing.  Even children indicate that they are expected to act in certain ways that prevent the forming of friendly relationships.  This problem continues to become a stigma in which single middle-aged men even find themselves poorly judging others in the same situation.  Studies also find that lonely men have a shorter life expectancy.

Personally, I’m excited to see that it is not just me.  I thought there was something wrong with me when it is actually a sociological issue.

If you are a boy or man struggling with loneliness, you have to listen to this short podcast episode.  You are not alone. (No pun intended.)

Somehow the American way has become more socially isolated.  This is bad. Make it stop.  I need to find sources for more info.  The podcast just left me desperate for more.

The Lonely Issue

I thought I had it under control but I seem to be slipping back into loneliness again.  Damn!  I don’t need that.

I’m not entirely sure it is actually being lonely.  I think maybe the feeling is more of an indication of underlying issues.  It’s a very tough feeling to analyse.

It bothers me immensely that nobody else cares.  It is possibly the most painful aspect.  I can’t count the number of times I’ve hinted on Facebook that I am lonely.  I’ve hinted mostly because I’m afraid to just come out and say it for fear that if, still, nobody cares, it would cause maximum pain.  At least I can consider their ignorance of the hint as an excuse.  I’m not sure what I could expect should someone bother to help.  What could they possibly do?  It is likely that jousting at windmills would be an ineffective method of obtaining friendship.  I keep hoping that someone out there is also lonely.  If they are, they are obviously too stupid to take a hint.

I also fight myself on the issue.  I’m pretty sure that what I want from a relationship is not what normal people want.  Women looking for a relationship don’t want a “Friend”.  They want a real relationship with a future of marriage etc.  That’s not my desire.  I want a friend in the true meaning.   I am looking for someone to go out and play.  Purely a real live BFF.  Come out and play then go home when the streetlights come on.

I guess it doesn’t have to be a female either.  I would probably be happier with a male friend because men are more active and adventurous. Men know what men like.  On the other hand, I would be nice to have a female buddy.  Not that I really care much about what other people think, but it would be nice if people saw us and thought we were a regular couple.  That’s what fits in best in this world.

It would be nice to have someone to confide in.  I have a number of close acquaintances but I could never be open with them.  Hence the rift.

None of this would have been an issue if we had a culture of arranged marriage.  You don’t even have to agonize over the issue.  Your elders assign you a wife and that’s that.  What a wonderful simplicity.  This free will thing is not as cracked up as it appears to be.

I also feel that since my time in this town is short, maybe it’s not worth the trouble to find someone now.  Just wait until I move then look around.  Tick… tick…

There’s also the fact that the things I need will eventually come to me.  Either I don’t need it or the time is not right yet.  I kind of like that philosophy.  It has worked well in the past with everything else so why should it be any different with loneliness?

So I’ve rambled on enough but it feels good to let it out.  I may not have a close friend to talk to but the internet can be a partial substitute.  I have plenty of inanimate friends but they don’t always satisfy.  Thanks for being there Internet.


Do not seek the help of others

I’ve spent the majority of my life desperately yearning for someone to help me.  50 years later, still nothing.

Don’t waste time wishing for the help of others.  They have nothing to offer and you’re just hurting yourself.  If you really look at it I’m pretty sure they withhold their help for you because they like to keep you down and in their control.  You’ll always be there for them when they need you and they like you that way.

The lesson here is that the only help you get will be the help you give yourself.  Don’t wait for others to come to you aid or you will be waiting a very long time.  Stand up and pull yourself up by the bootstraps.  Rise from the crevasse and climb that mountain by yourself because only you can do it.  Only you have the power to succeed no matter how much ill others wish upon you.  No.  They don’t care but you do and that’s all that matters.

Jump up and tell them to kiss your ass!  Fuck you and your hat!  I’m not  your bitch anymore.  The world is mine and I never needed you anyway. I win!!!




I’m Right Here!

rghthrEvery once in a while, when I’m feeling particularly lonely, I make a simple post on Facebook.

“I’m right here!!!”

I’m saying, “Here I am.  I’m here.  I’m right here.  I’m available.  I’m right under your nose. This is me.  Right here!! Look!  Here I am.”

What do I get back?

Person 1: Are you sure? I’m right here and i don’t see you.

Person 2: I’m never here or there. Always stuck in between.

Person 3: Wherever you go.

Person 4: I don’t see you!!!

Really?  My mind boggles a bit.  Are they not understanding the metaphorical statement?  Are they trying to be funny?  Well, it’s not funny.
I’m right here and nobody cares.  Does that make any sense?  Yes, I am being a bit vague on my request for friendship but I also don’t want responses from the wrong people.  I keep thinking that the right person would understand the gist because they are also “right there.”  Maybe it’s just that the right people are out of transmission range.  Maybe I’m too advanced for the regular people.  I wouldn’t want a regular person anyway.

Why do women ignore me like I don’t exist?

I am always amazed as I wander the planet that women completely ignore me like I don’t exist.

I smile at them but they are just not there.  I thought women wanted a good man.

Don’t women want a good man who will treat them like a queen?
Don’t women want a man who has money and no debt?
Don’t women want a man who will belong only to them?
Don’t women want a man who can fix things?
Don’t women want a man who is the most awesome person on the planet?
Don’t women want a man who can do anything he puts his mind to?

I’m confounded.
I’m perplexed.
I’m confused.

I believe it is proof that the women I see are not real.  The only explanation is that they are all holographic projections of a computer simulation that has not yet achieved that ability to express human emotion.  I have been placed in this simulator from birth and am being studied by aliens to try to understand the Human race in order to conquer Earth.

That is the ONLY possible explanation.





Properly watching Naked and Afraid

I occasionally watch Naked and Afraid on the Discovery Channel.  I’m not a huge fan but if there’s nothing else on, I’ll watch it.  Of course one should be naked while watching so I hope you’re doing it right.

I’m doubt I have the survival skills to last the whole time in such harsh environments.  Still, it might be fun to try it for fun.  I wonder if people get together in groups and go out in the wild and pretend to be on the show.  I would do it.  Too bad I have nobody to go with.  Anyone???