I’m Right Here!

rghthrEvery once in a while, when I’m feeling particularly lonely, I make a simple post on Facebook.

“I’m right here!!!”

I’m saying, “Here I am.  I’m here.  I’m right here.  I’m available.  I’m right under your nose. This is me.  Right here!! Look!  Here I am.”

What do I get back?

Person 1: Are you sure? I’m right here and i don’t see you.

Person 2: I’m never here or there. Always stuck in between.

Person 3: Wherever you go.

Person 4: I don’t see you!!!

Really?  My mind boggles a bit.  Are they not understanding the metaphorical statement?  Are they trying to be funny?  Well, it’s not funny.
I’m right here and nobody cares.  Does that make any sense?  Yes, I am being a bit vague on my request for friendship but I also don’t want responses from the wrong people.  I keep thinking that the right person would understand the gist because they are also “right there.”  Maybe it’s just that the right people are out of transmission range.  Maybe I’m too advanced for the regular people.  I wouldn’t want a regular person anyway.
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Slow Down!!

I usually find myself doing everything frantically. I rush through it and often do a just good enough job.

I guess we all do it because there so much to do and so little time.  We get in the habit of rushing everything to try and make it fit into the tiny little slice of life we have left to spare in a day.

We sometimes make it a competition to get something done quickly which only makes matters worse.  Who are we competing against?  Ourselves.  Not good.  I catch myself rushing everything and not even remembering that I did it.  It’s also bad for your blood pressure.

All we need to do is slow down.  Live your life deliberately and appreciate the moment.  Do a quality job that takes as much time as it takes.  It’s better for your health and whatever you are doing will be done so much better.  Enjoy the task or just appreciate a little time for relaxation.  It’s difficult but if you take the time to learn then it will totally be worth it.

You’ll experience life as it should be as everyone else in the world spins wildly around like children’s toy tops until they fall over in exhaustion.  Don’t let it happen to you.  Don’t let it happen to me.

10.5 Years of Blogging

tnyrckI just noticed that I’ve been doing this blog for 10 and a half years now.  WOW!  That’s a lot of words and thoughts.

My first entry back in April of 2007 was about crippling loneliness.  I haven’t cracked that issue yet but I’ve come a long way from what I was back then.   I’m only lonely.  Not crippled about it anymore.

I’m not depressed anymore.  That was a bitch of a fight but I won!  This blog was a crucial tool in helping me work through it.  I’m sure I would be dead without it.  Thanks WordPress!  You probably saved my life.

A lot of neat stuff has happened and I built a lot of things.  Certain pages have become very popular but most are lost in the noise.  Every once in a while I go back and read and enjoy all the great writings I did.  It’s all for me anyway.  If you happen to see it and it makes your life better, then Bonus!

Here’s to another 10 years!

 

 

I can’t relax

I keep yearning for the weekend to come so I can relax but I never feel like I can do it.

There’s always something to do.  There’s always something to think about.  My brain buzzes with activity constantly and it never lets me rest.  One of my life goals is to take a nap.  I have yet to achieve it satisfactorily.

It’s not, usually, until 12-1 am that I finally go to sleep an I am either woken by the alarm or naturally awake at 6:30.  That’s not much sleep.  The night goes by in a second.

I’m so tired at work and can’t wait to get home.  I get home and would love nothing better than to take a nap.  I might lie down but the nap never arrives. I’m wasting valuable time.  I jump up to do something.

My weekends are a blur of activity as I rush to accomplish all the things that can’t be done on weekdays.  The hands on the clock spin wildly as the sun streaks across the sky.

I don’t like this.  Is there any way to make it stop?  I need time to slow down again and run at normal speed like it did back in the 70s.  Doesn’t anybody notice?  Doesn’t anybody care?  If nobody does anything about it what is going to happen?  I feel so sorry for the kids of today.  There’s not much time left for them.

I guess I’m going to have to fix it for myself.  The rest of you are on your own.  I can’t help you.

Wow.  That got a bit more epic than I had planned.  I just want to relax a bit.

 

Having a Felix Felicis good luck day

Today has been a rather good day.  I woke up later than usual because I start a new 8:30 to 5:30 shift.  Sleeping later is good.

Work went smoothly especially since the boss is on vacation this week.

I had a great Thai lunch buffet.

I made tons of cash in my investment since the market is up and feeling good.

The commute both ways was easier because it is not right on the rush hour.

I was awesome at band practice this evening.  The whole band is awesome!  I’m impressed.

You can’t expect a weekday to go any better.  I figured as long as I had that dose of Felix Felicis, I should buy a Powerball ticket.  So I did.  Too bad the drawing isn’t tonight.  Still.  I have the winning ticket!

I feel good.  Let’s see if this can go on all week.

A few days later:   Hey!  I did win the lottery!   I got the Powerball number but no other numbers so I get $4.00.  I paid $2.00 for the ticket so I doubled my money.  What a lucky day!

 

Mentally Exhausted

I find myself unable to relax anymore.  When the weekend comes I spend my whole time busying myself physically.  When there’s finally time to rest, I spend it with my mind racing to find solutions to my unfulfillable desires of friendship and retirement.

It’s stupid because I’ve already spent years processing the algorithm but it always ends up in an infinite loop.  My mind buzzes:

10 Try to figure it out
20 IF not figured out GOTO 10

Suddenly it’s Monday again and I have to go to work.  I wake up feeling like I’ve had absolutely no rest.  I wish I could shut it off.  It has been so long I can’t even imagine what it might feel like for my brain to be idle.   No matter where I go or what I do, the program is running.  I’m getting desperate to turn it off.  Drugs maybe?  What can I do?

There’s only so much that physical distraction can accomplish.  I usually end up doing both.  Really sucks.

 

Why do women ignore me like I don’t exist?

I am always amazed as I wander the planet that women completely ignore me like I don’t exist.

I smile at them but they are just not there.  I thought women wanted a good man.

Don’t women want a good man who will treat them like a queen?
Don’t women want a man who has money and no debt?
Don’t women want a man who will belong only to them?
Don’t women want a man who can fix things?
Don’t women want a man who is the most awesome person on the planet?
Don’t women want a man who can do anything he puts his mind to?

I’m confounded.
I’m perplexed.
I’m confused.

I believe it is proof that the women I see are not real.  The only explanation is that they are all holographic projections of a computer simulation that has not yet achieved that ability to express human emotion.  I have been placed in this simulator from birth and am being studied by aliens to try to understand the Human race in order to conquer Earth.

That is the ONLY possible explanation.
GET ME OUT OF HERE!!  I’M ON TO YOU!!