Snapchat Stock

snpchtThe other day I decided to buy some Snapchat stock.  Yeah, I know it has no real value but neither did Facebook.  I went ahead and bought $1000 worth at $23.75 to see what happens.  Of course it is immediately going down.

I bought Facebook back when it as $36.00.  Held it as it sunk into the lows.  Eventually, around a year later it rose back to $36.  Figuring I would be lucky to break even, I sold it at $36 to get my money back.  Now it is at $138.68.  Had I held it I would have made $5100.00.

I feel that Snapchat is in the same condition as Facebook.  It has potential so this time I’m holding it long term.

I don’t use Snapchat.  It’s a kids thing that I have no use for but it is a popular medium that reaches the kids who are otherwise disconnected from media advertising like TV and Radio.  It is just a matter of time before Snapchat figures out how to monetize or is sold to Facebook or Google.  I might buy more when the price bottoms out.  What the hell.  Facebook and Google are doing their best to create an alternative but Snapchat is already the de facto medium of choice amongst the grommets.

I’m not going to miss this opportunity this time.  Let’s hope the gods of fate don’t take this opportunity to kick my ass again.


What to do?

mynwhseI’ve been mulling the idea of buying the aforementioned house in the woods.  I’ve been both ways and back and fourth on the issue many times.  It’s still early and I plan to think on it more but here’s the brain-facts so far.

The price is good and I think I can get it even better.  They list it for 99K but mention “Bring all offers.”  I might try offering $75 due to it’s poor condition.  I shouldn’t wait too long though because special things tend to disappear if you don’t act quickly.  This seems special to me though not for everyone.

Assuming I sell my investment portfolio and buy it what would be the plan?

I wouldn’t move right away because that would mean quitting my well-paying job and losing my healthcare which I currently need.  I’m hoping to see what becomes of TrumpCare before I know for sure.  I would probably just hold on to it for 1-3 years before moving.  That would give me time to fix it up a bit and make it habitable.  Property taxes would cost me $2500 a year.  I would have a place to visit and enjoy away from the city that is MINE!  Once it is habitable, I could start looking for a new job in the area.  Something always comes up eventually if you wait.  There’s always something available for a special person like me.

Money spent on buying land or a house is never “lost”.  Just transformed.  If my retirement plan doesn’t go as expected, I can always sell it and get the money back plus more because it will be in better shape than when I bought it and property always goes up.  Even during the recent depression you did not find any property cheap as you would have expected.

I don’t really see how I could lose on this deal.  My investment portfolio wasn’t doing anything anyway.  Even in an up economy over the last few years I ended up down at least 10K.  That won’t happen with property.  I still have plenty left in my retirement portfolio and other investments that are doing rather well.  Even after all expenses, my net worth was up $36k last year.

I think I’ll think for a few more days and get more serious next week. I didn’t hear back from the realtor so I think I’ll find a different one who is more local to the area and see if I can meet him/her there for another look-see and get their impression on the deal.

Once the deal is done, There’s no rush to move or do anything. (After a new roof is installed to protect the remaining salvageable interior.)  I can take my time and have a feeling that my dream is actually within reach.  That would be a wonderful feeling indeed.  Certainly worth the price.  What do you think?




The Dream Resurfaces Again

hitwI know from past experiences that whenever my dream of living in a house in the country outside a small town pushes up from the depths of my repressed desires, there’s going to be disappointment ahead.

I can’t count how many times I’ve chased my dream only to have it dashed to pieces like a wineglass on the tile floor.  Still… The heart wants what it wants.

I’ve had to lower my expectations once again from a small town in the mountains of Colorado to a small town in Texas.  Not what I had in mind but we must make compromises.  Life isn’t as grand as you would expect.

When selecting a small town the following requirements must be met.

1. Must be small and not too close to the virus that is San Antonio.
2. Must have a Lowes, Home Depot or equivalent hardware store.
3. Must have a good quality Grocery Store.
4. Must have a community band.
5. Must have a river.
6. Must be majority White Population.

I’ve found a place that I will leave unnamed because the fewer people who know about it, the smaller it stays.  Suffice it to say, it meets the requirements well.  The only bad part is that it still in Texas where it is hot hot and more hot.  Fortunately the fact that it is not a large city reduces the heat-island effect so evenings have a better chance of being cooler.  We’ve had a recent cold snap in Texas this December and I’ve having second thoughts about wanting to live where it is cold all the time.  Maybe hot isn’t so bad.   If all goes well I will end up with enough privacy that I can be naked all the time anyway and it won’t be as unpleasant.

I’ve also let go of the requirement of building my own house.  It’s still not out of the question. I’m getting older now and it may not be physically possible.  That time may have passed.  I am settling for buying an existing house.  I have been pleasantly surprised to find on Zillow that a few fixer-uppers exist there in my price range of $150K that appear to be nestled on at least an acre of land.  That would work nicely.  I would much prefer a fixer-upper anyway.  The price is lower and I’ll have fun stuff to work on.  I could sell my current house for $150K and easily move to the new place without getting a mortgage.

Now the big question is, When?

I guess, technically, any moment.

A. I’ve been at my current job for almost two years now upon which time I will get my full retirement benefits. (If I make it to retirement age.)

B. I’m still close enough to my mom that I can feel not so bad about moving out of town.  I’ll only be about 2 hours away.

C. I don’t need to have a full time job to exist.  I can work part time or for a lesser salary if necessary in a small town.  Working full time sucks anyway.  I can do with more free time to work on the house.

I’ve spent a lot of time making my current house awesome.

B. The whole moving process is a pain in the ass.

C. I’m afraid of change even if it is something I want so badly.

Before I make any permanent plans, I need to spend more time in that town and get to know the area better.  I’ll use the upcoming spring and summer to learn more about the town and sit in on one of the community orchestra concerts to see if they are any good. I enjoy being the the band now and it would be one of the things I would miss the most when I leave.

It’s kind of nice to have hope again.  When hope is gone then your whole existence is pointless. I hope that this doesn’t evolve into another obsession leading up to disappointment.  You know it will.  At least this time it is more realistic.

Let’s see what happens.




What is your future?

thfutrI would be lying if I said my recent brush with death didn’t make me think.  It wasn’t an actual heart attack but I was definitely in the danger zone to have one very soon.  It was what they call Angina.  Pain caused by the lack of blood supply to the heart muscle.  The next step is heart-attack.

So basically, I caught it in time before permanent muscle damage was done to my heart.  I knew that my Father died from a heart attack when he was 48 but I didn’t know that it was as common in his side of the family.  His brothers and his father also died the same way at approximately the same time in their lives.  Talk about a time bomb!  I had no idea it was that serious.

Other than serious heart disease, I’m a rather healthy person who ate relatively well, got some exercise, was not overweight, did not drink or smoke.  This is very hereditary.

With improved, strict, eating habits and medical attention, I will outlive my unfortunate ancestors but probably not by as long as I expected.  My life-expectation was to live to at least 80 in good health not really wanting to go any further than that.  I planned my future accordingly.  Now I think I should not plan for more than 60 at the most.

So, then.  What do I really want out of whatever is left in my life?  One of the ultimate questions I’ve been asking myself for so many decades.  I thought I had it figured out but age and recent incidents may have changed it completely.

Let’s review my life goals.  However stupid they may be.

  1. Sex.  Yes.  I’m a virgin at 48.  Possibly the oldest virgin who ever existed on planet earth.  The pope has had more sex than I have.  The Dalai Lama has had more sex than I have.  I guess it’s not really an important goal.  It’s not like sex is something special that not billions of people have experienced before.  Sure I could go to a prostitute but I don’t think that is really sex.  If I died without ever having experienced sex, I would regret it but I don’t feel that would really be that important.
  2. Love. Obviously, as a 48 year old virgin, I’ve never experienced love either.  I’m not sure I’m capable of love.  I just don’t feel like I have it in me.  Love is also something not unusual since billions of other people have experienced it.  Would the planet be any better for me to have ever loved or to have been loved? I would regret not experiencing love but again, I don’t feel that it would have been that important.
  3. Having children.  More of the same.  You can’t have 3 without 1 and 2. Billions and billions, etc.  I think I would regret not having children mostly for the love and experience of it all.   Many people think that having children “carries on your name”, extends your bloodline, etc.  That’s just stupid.  Why would that matter?  I think it’s the love and experience.  I guess I regret it now because my time for that is passed already.  Technically, it could still happen, but realistically…. No.  So there is no doubt that I will die without having children.  Sucks, but on my deathbed as my heart stops and I slip away into oblivion, it won’t really be important.
  4. A house in the country in a cool climate. Material, but it has been my dream for 30 years.  Every time I pursue this dream my hopes are dashed.  I wanted to build my own house.  I wanted privacy to run around the property naked and happy.  I can still make this happen but now I’m not sure I want it anymore.  I do, but I don’t, but I don’t know.  I’m not counting this out for now but I’m going to back-burner it for a while again until I figure shit out.  It’s not like I don’t have a house now.  It would just be different. It’s that really a big deal?
  5. Early retirement.  Like billions of others, I’ve spent the majority of my life, in school and work.  By the time retirement comes around, you’ve wasted your life and have only a few years left to pack in a little enjoyment before the end comes.  I really don’t want to die while still a slave to society.  I want to be a free man for at least 10 years.   If I can’t expect to live to be more than 60 then I’d better figure out how to escape very soon.   Financially, I could do it right now if it wasn’t for the cost of health-care. Especially now that I am diagnosed with heart disease.  All my hard-earned savings will be quickly depleted on health insurance rather than the good life.  I’m really hoping that Hillary can put together some kind of socialized health care very soon.  Either that or some kind of actually affordable health care that costs less than $200 a month.  I think that’s fair and affordable.  Should that suddenly happen, I’ll be suddenly retired.  If I died without having experienced life without work, then I will be devastated.  (For a minute or two).

I guess that pretty much covers what I wanted out of life.  It’s pretty basic. I don’t want power or money except the money I need to live a basic but comfortable existence.  I don’t want fame.   I don’t want fancy cars or a big house.  I don’t want a super-model wife.  I really just want some time to myself to experience life.  Maybe do a little traveling or try some love and sex.  I just want to live free for a little while.  Is that too much to ask?

So if you live in a house in the country in a place where the summer highs seldom go above 93 and in the winter you spend your evenings in front of the fireplace with your family while the snow falls gently outside the window and you get to have sex with your wife before you go to bed… are THE happiest man in the world.  I hope you appreciate it.

An old desire resurfaces

dsreI have but one lifetime goal.  I want to retire early and move to a small town in Colorado where the weather is cold and dry.  I have it picked out but I’m not telling you where because I want it to stay a small town.

I have no common-man desire for a wife and children.  I don’t want a big mansion and a fancy car.  I don’t want a lot of extra money.

I just want to not have to go to work every day and I want to be comfortable.  I’ve worked my life away already for 27 years and I’m tired. I’m ready for the rest one gets when he doesn’t have to work for a living.  A few days, a week, a month, a year off is just not enough.  I took 10 months off between jobs and it was nice but it only lasted a few days.

My current job requires that I take a whole week off at one time.  I don’t have anywhere I wanted to go.  I asked an acquaintance to go on a cruise with me but she is currently locked in a bad situation.  Cruises are not for single people or you have to pay double the price.  Who’s idea was that?

I came up with the idea of going to visit my Colorado town again and look at land.  I’ve seen a number of lots that look good on Zillow and it stirred the old desire up to the surface again.

I had recently come up with the plan to chuck the job and everything in 2020 when I hit my 5 year mark and get all the retirement money the company contributes to my account.  Before then I only get what I put in.  Even 4 years from now is really far off when you consider going to work every day.

Financially, I could pull it off.  Retiring at 51 is early for most folk.  But I have planned for it all my life.  When I was a little kid I promised myself I would retire at 50 and technically, I could do it.

I have one big problem.  Mom.  In 2020 she will be 90 years old.  Still spry but needing my assistance around the house for upkeep.  Can I tell her that I’m leaving the state??  Who does that?   Yeah, people do that to their parents all the time but they are immoral bastards.  The world is full of them.  That’s why it sucks so much.

What happens if she lives to be 100?  She is healthy enough to do it.  I’ll be 61.  Still relatively young but older than I want to be for starting a new life.  What if my health fails.  My back already makes it difficult to do some things.  How am I supposed to build my dream house if I am virtually crippled?  Maybe I’ll be OK if I take it easy for the next 5-10 years.

What happens if I have to live in San Antonio for 15 more years.  I can’t see how that could happen without something dreadful happening to myself.  It would take an amazing amount of mental control and denial.  If you’re not Mexican, living in San Antonio is worse than Hell.   If you are Mexican, then it is the top tier of Heaven.

I could move to a nearby small town in Texas but it is still unbearably hot.  I would still have to move to Colorado later so is it worth it to move twice?  If I am going to live in hell I might as well work and make maximum money until the time comes.

What if I just gave it up?  Suppose I just destroy my only goal in life.  What is the point of living then?  Can I just allow myself to merely exist and blow like dust in the wind?  I guess there are a lot of people who live that way.  What makes me so special?  Just because I am the creator of the known universe doesn’t give me any special rights does it?

What if I chose the Dust in the Wind option?   I’ve pretty much been doing that all my life as it is.  I never set out with any other goal anyway.  Eventually I will achieve it, just not on my own terms.  This is insanely frustrating.  Breathe….Breathe…..  Think of nothing.  Nothingness is good.  Nothingness is calm and everlasting.


So much anxiety!

nxtyOMG!  I keep having anxiety attacks because I am not working.  Sombitch and WTF?

I don’t need to work and I don’t want to work.  Not right now at least.  Still, I can’t stop worrying that I will run out of money and be too old to be considered for a good job.  It’s a stupid thing to worry about.  Not spending all day working leaves far too much time to be alone.  Being alone leaves far too much time for depression.

Peace.  I need peace.  Let it go.  Let it be.  Let me be.  Let me go.

Such a major change of life apparently takes more time to become accustomed to but damn!  This sucks.

My options are suddenly open and it is overwhelming and scary.   Does this sound stupid or what?  Being in my situation would be the dream of everyone yet I can’t do it by myself.  It’s too much.  I don’t have the energy or the right motivation.  I am in limbo.

I am once again going to try to set a time limit during which I will not worry about it and live life as best I can.  Sounds great on paper but the mind is difficult to control.  I am relaxation.  I am the eye of the storm.

Time to go walk to the store and pick up a little orange ticket of hope.  So far, winning the lottery is harder than you would think.   I AM the only real human on this planet so winning should be in the bag, right?

I need a project.

An interesting idea

tnyhsI’ve just had an interesting idea.  I’ve had it before but it was lost in the depths of my stupid messy brain.

I could rent out my house in San Antonio and move to a small town nearby for a few years.  Hmmm.  This is very interesting.

I could rent my house for approximately $1000 a month.  Subtracting property taxes and repairs I could have an income around $700 a month.  That would give me about $8400 a year.  I live on $15,000 a year so that cuts my expenses in half.  It would probably cost me a little less to live in the country.

I can live in my RV for a while or go traveling in it.

I could buy an acre of land for around $16,000 and build a small house for around $25,000.

That would get me out of the city.  I could work for myself or get a job to make up the rest.  It would make my savings last even longer.  I could always sell the San Antonio house in the unlikely event that I need big cash.  When I reach retirement age or my mom passes away I can sell or rent both houses and make my big move to Colorado.  I would have all that cash, my retirement portfolio plus social security to wane out the rest of my years.

There is a lot of research I need to do on this possibility.  It may be crazy but I am excited about even having the chance that I could do this.  The hardest part would be deciding whether it is what I want or not.

Another thing to add to my possibility list.

I think I’d still prefer the ebola.  It would be much easier.