Why do women ignore me like I don’t exist?

I am always amazed as I wander the planet that women completely ignore me like I don’t exist.

I smile at them but they are just not there.  I thought women wanted a good man.

Don’t women want a good man who will treat them like a queen?
Don’t women want a man who has money and no debt?
Don’t women want a man who will belong only to them?
Don’t women want a man who can fix things?
Don’t women want a man who is the most awesome person on the planet?
Don’t women want a man who can do anything he puts his mind to?

I’m confounded.
I’m perplexed.
I’m confused.

I believe it is proof that the women I see are not real.  The only explanation is that they are all holographic projections of a computer simulation that has not yet achieved that ability to express human emotion.  I have been placed in this simulator from birth and am being studied by aliens to try to understand the Human race in order to conquer Earth.

That is the ONLY possible explanation.
GET ME OUT OF HERE!!  I’M ON TO YOU!!

 

 

 

 

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Lonely or Horny?

lnlyhrnyIt’s another weekend where I have time to rest and think about how empty my life is.  I’m not saying that work makes my life better but it certainly helps take my mind of the other mundanities of life.

I usually spend the weekend at home alone because I have nowhere else to go and nobody to spend any time with.  My thoughts drift to wondering if there is anyone out there for me.  I can sometime spend hours rehashing my thoughts and trying to make sense of my loneliness.  You might think it was simple but it is rather complex.  Maybe it’s simple for normal people but I’m far from normal.

If I really boil it down until the only the essence is left, I think it is just plain hornyness.  What happens to the brain of a 49 year old man who is still a virgin?   You can bet it’s pretty screwed up in a literal sense.   In the end, all I want is someone to touch me.  It doesn’t seem like too much to ask, does it?  What kind of world is this where touching is so prohibited.

Finally, after hours of mental anguish, I end up masturbating and then all is well with the world.  I think I should probably do that early in the morning and cut out the wasted time but being horny is kind of fun on it’s own.  It’s just the lack of an outlet that makes it suck so much.   If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I sure hope it is on a planet where sex and the human body is not such a taboo.

 

Are all neighbors crazy?

I’m pretty sure that all neighbors are crazy.  I’ve watched them all my life and there’s no doubt that they are all insane.

I am currently surrounded by crazy people.  The house across the street has a family of black people who have 5 cars and come and go constantly.  Every time I go out into my yard I see them either pull up, drive away or just sit in the car with the engine running for an hour or more.  So how many times to they come and go when I’m not looking? Do they buy their potato chips one chip at a time?  Where the hell are they going all the time?

My neighbors right next door are renters.  They pretty much ignore me completely.  If I’m lucky I might make some small talk but otherwise I might not exist.  Have they no idea what awesomeness lives right next door?

I can go on and on but I’ll keep it short.  Having a crazy President doesn’t help.

I think, perhaps, people are crazy all over.  When I was young, I came to the conclusion that people are dumb because they think they are smart.  This theory may still have some value.   As closed-minded as we have become these days, our ideas are all we have and therefore must be the Truth.  (Capital T in truth because when we decide for ourselves that something is true then there can be no other truth no matter what.)

Maybe people are crazy because they are just trying to cope with pointless existence.  They are doing the best they can to avoid the monotony of a dreary daily life with nothing to look forward to.

Maybe the observers are the crazy ones.  We might think that others are crazy because they don’t conform to the standards of our own truth.

Craziness has exploded in recent years.  I think it started around the year 2000.  It was at that time when everything special had already been done and oppressive mundanity forced us to go to extremes to make life livable.  The internet became a major medium allowing crazy extremism to spread like wildfire until we were all infected.  So far, no antidote seems to be available and there’s no doubt that craziness is exponential.  I wonder what it will be like in just another ten years.  If the aliens don’t come soon then we are sure to destroy ourselves.

I guess I’m not one to lodge complaints about crazy people.  My attempts to cope with life has left me as crazy as a soup sandwich.  I’m sure my neighbors think I’ve completely lost it.  Here’s a guy who runs around naked, showers in his backyard, keeps his house and yard nice, builds TARDISes in his garage, is still a virgin at 49, has no friends, lives alone with a cat, wears short shorts and speedos, drives a Prius and has a lot of money.

Boobity boobity boo!  I’m probably crazier than you!

 

 

Another bird dies in my hands

I walked out into the backyard to turn off the swimming pool pump when I noticed something colorful on the ground.  It was a small parakeet lying face down in the grass.  I thought maybe it had run into something and knocked itself out.  Birds sometimes do that on the windows of my house.  This one was pretty far from the house though.  It was strange to see such a colorful bird in a world of crows and sparrows.

I reached down and picked it up.  It’s wings were outstretched.  It was pretty weak but was able to grab on to my finger and still able to stand up on it’s own.  I set him on the picnic table to see what was going on. I gave him a little container of water.  He was barely able to stand and tried to fly but didn’t get far.

I picked him up again and folded his wings and held him in my hand.  He was getting weaker by the second.  I hoped if he was going to die that he would not suffer much longer.  I held him and stroked his head gently.  Soon he was unable to hold up his head.  His eyes were blinking strangely.  I could see him breathing quickly.  I stayed with him for a few more minutes until his whole body stretched out.  He then relaxed and he stopped breathing.  I knew he was gone.  I closed his eyes.  I held him a little longer.  I had dug a small hole in the flowerbed a few days earlier to get some dirt.  The hole was the perfect size for him so I laid him to rest.

This is the second time I’ve been with a bird as they passed away and I was honored to be there with them at the end.  I can only hope that someone will be with me when my time comes.  I’m pretty sure I will die alone.  I’m glad that at least not everybody has to.

 

Ignoring the Creator

After work today I had to stop at Home Depot to pick up a some hinges and a latch to finish building the new door for the opening under my mom’s house.  The old one was falling apart.  Not bad though for lasting 70 years.

As I walked down the aisles I looked into the faces of the passers by who ignored me completely.  It made me wonder if they had any idea that they were walking right by the Dreamer of the universe that they live in.  Maybe it is best that they don’t know I am the Creator.  Can you imagine what a pain it would be if everyone knew?  I’d have to sign autographs everywhere I went.

Maybe it’s best to stay anonymous.

 

 

What’s it like to be in love?

IMG_0274Today, being Memorial day, I wasn’t sure how to celebrate it other than just not having to go to work.  I decided that I should maybe go have some special food.  I was going to try maybe Red Robin for a burger.  I looked up the nutrition info and the basic burger there had 19 grams of saturated fat.  Way more than I usually eat but it is a special occasion.  Just for grins I looked up the nutrition for a burger and fries at Whataburger.  Only 10 Grams!  I love Whataburger and have been let down by Red Robin in the past so it was a no-brainer.  Whataburger it is!  Cheaper and better.  if you’re ever in Texas, make it a point to eat at Whataburger.  It makes places like Steak and Shake and In-n-out burger taste like McDonalds.   AWESOME!

To the point:

As I sat there I noticed a young couple sitting on the same side of the next booth.  They were probably in high school.  I marveled at what I saw.  It is difficult for me to even imagine what love feels like.  When I see things like this, I desperately want to go and ask them, “What does it feel like?”   Even if I did ask the question, I’m not sure it is a question that has a tangible answer.  How could they even respond in a manner that would make sense to me?

It made me remember something.  The last time I held hands with a girl was probably 45 years ago when I was in preschool.  My mom told me that I and a girl we carpooled with were a hot item.  I’m not sure I have any memories of this but it makes me wonder if I was normal at one point in my life.  I wonder when things changed?  I remember in third grade planning to one day marry this other girl in my class.  Things were still normal then.  I expect I lost touch with reality when my father died when I was in elementary school.  I didn’t realize it at the time but I got seriously screwed up by not having a father figure in my formative years.

To this day, I feel the desire to have a mate but don’t have the skills or mental faculties to make it happen.  I’ve surely convinced myself that I don’t want such things yet something deep inside keeps nagging me.  I wonder if it is a human nature thing or if it is external sociological influence.  Other than actually mating, it seems to me that the sociological construct of marriage is a human invention perpetrated continuously over time until it has become so normal that it is almost a requirement.

As far as it happening to me?  I don’t feel that I have what it takes to meet today’s norms.  I am a special person among an ocean of regular people.  It’s tough.  I wonder if one day that other special fish will swim into my reef and change the world.

Are you out there?

 

Stop looking at me like that!!

I swear I’m not going to talk to anyone anymore.  I’m tired of getting that, “Are you an alien?” face from you.

The other day I stopped by a modular home lot to see what the houses looked like.  Before I could see anything I had to go through the sales spiel and answer a lot of questions. I can’t count the number of times I answered simple questions and got the alien face.

  1. Do you rent an apartment?  No.  I have a house.  Face.
  2. How much do you pay for your mortgage?  I paid it off 10 years ago. Face.
  3. Do you have any pets?  No.  I might get a dog.  Face.
  4. Do you live on the south side?  No.  I’m on the Northwest side.  Face.
  5. How long have you lived in San Antonio?  All my life.  Face.
  6. What is your income?  $54,000. Face.
  7. What kind of financing will you be needing?  None.  I’ll pay cash.  Face.
  8. Do you want a 3 or 4 bedroom house?  Just one bedroom please.  Face.

I was ready to slap the face right off this guy.

It’s not just him either.  I see it all the time from friends and family.  Is there anyone I can talk to who is normal?  You’re all insane and I hate you.