I thought I was improving in my ability to relate to humans but it seems I am actually regressing. There are basically three people I spend any time with on a regular basis, my mom on Sundays and my two lunch buddies on weekdays.
My mom is pretty cool and I don’t mind spending time with her. She is a lot like me in the basic ways but not in the technical ways that mean so much to me so it’s not quite the experience I need to nourish my intellect.
My two lunch buddies are interesting and semi-technical but I’m beginning to lose interest in being with them. I would almost prefer to go eat lunch alone than go with them. I’m almost glad when one or both is out sick any day. Not a good sign, huh? For the last few days I’ve kept mostly quiet while they talk about stuff I’m not interested in. I guess I could bring something up but I’m fresh out of compatible ideas for conversation.
During my weekly community band practice, I make an effort to pretend to talk to people but I’ve never liked small talk. I’ve dropped out of the few clubs I used to be a member of because I felt so awkward.
Why can’t I just let it go? Why won’t it leave me alone?