Answering the phone never ends up well

Nothing good ever comes from answering the phone. I wish I could just stop but that only makes things worse.

Whenever the phone rings, it sends a chill up my spine. It makes me jump like I’ve been shot. Now what? Leave me alone!

The majority of the time it’s a spam call. The rest of the time, it’s someone who wants something from me. A friend, family, an acquaintance who wants me to do something for them. Nobody ever calls to invite me to go to the nude beach. Nope. They want to steal my time and suck out what little is left of my soul.

A few days ago I refused to respond to texts, calls, and emails. I was taking a phone-vacation. I fear I may have offended one of my closer acquaintances but he’ll get over it or I don’t care. I just couldn’t take it anymore. My mom stays with me every other week so my free time is limited. When people call to steal that little precious time I have, it really pisses me off. Sure it’s only a few minutes but then it takes me hours to get over the anger. A whole day is suddenly lost. Don’t make me make up excuses. Don’t make me lie. I don’t like to lie.

I’m not here to fix all your problems. Deal with them yourself! I don’t mind helping you sometimes but I expect some humanity in return once in a while. I’m not a robot. I’m a human being with feelings and needs of my own.

Be my friend. Not my employer.

I feel like I’m going to explode!

I swear, I’m on the verge of exploding! My whole body is tingling with rage and anxiety. I thought I gave this up when I quit my job and moved out to the country but it’s never really gone.

My 90 year old mom stays with me every other week during which time I am bottled up tight. I can’t be myself. I can’t be naked. I can’t do what I want to do. Finally she goes to stay at my sister’s house and I can expand but NO! Now I’m dealing with her medical insurance and trips to another town to pick up medication and drop off papers for her cataract surgery.

Any moment now, an acquaintance will be calling me to spend the next three days helping him build a deck for someone else. I can’t say no because he needs help and has nobody else and I’m such a nice guy. It’s going to be hot and labor intensive and he’s going to make me eat.

In the meantime, my time is burning. It’s burning like a pine forest fire in a 10-year long drought. It burns day and night with ever-increasing intensity. In what feels like milliseconds, it will be next Sunday and I will have to pick up my mom and bottle myself up again like a genie in a bottle a the bottom of the sea. Next week will be unbearably long.

Everyone tells me I’m such a laid back person but that’s just my exterior image. They have no idea about the epic war going on inside. I’m not sure I can contain it any longer.

AAAAAAAHHHH!!! I’m getting older and older by the second and have no time to do what I want to do before I die. All I want is someone to talk to. All I want is someone to touch me. All I want is someone to go on a trip with me. I’ve lost 53 years of precious life to school and work but the years continue to slip through my fingers like water. It’s completely out of my control.

Is there nobody else out there? I can’t believe that. I refuse to believe that. Please help me before it’s too late. I can’t be the only lonely person on this planet. It’s just not possible. Tick…Tick…Tick……

Whoah. Take it easy, Max. Breathe in. Breath out slowly. You’re gonig to be OK. Just relax for a minute. We’ve been through this many, many times. It’s no good to continually wish for something you can not have. Everything is as it is supposed to be. You’re fine. There will be plenty of time for you. Don’t worry about getting older. It happens to all of us. Some of us are destined to be alone. We are not the only one. It’s OK. People like us live difficult lives but everyone’s life is difficult in some way. If we are meant to find someone, they will appear when the time is right. Don’t try to rush it. Take life one day at a time and it will all be good. There, there.. Sleep. Sleeeep. Youl’ll feel better in the morning. Shhhhhhh.

Tractor all repaired and ready to go

YAY! I got my 1952 Ford 8n tractor all fixed up again after last week’s meltdown. The radiator cap was loose and popped off blowing hot magma all over me. I was OK. Just a bit sticky. At the same time, the key fell out of the ignition and I had to pull the coil wire to stop it. The cap wouldn’t stay on so I had to order a new one. It was a good time to fix a few other things so I went for it.

It only took a few days to get the parts and stuff I needed from yesterdaystractors.com so when it arrived I replaced the radiator cap with a new shiny one. I replaced the leaky fuel settling bowl, replaced the wonky headlight switch, used an oil flush, and then replaced the oil and filter. I cleaned the oil-bath air filter. I cleaned the clutch with brake cleaner through the inspection hole. (Saw that trick on youtube to fix an oil-fouled clutch. We’ll see if that works.) I tightened a loose spark plug and added oil to the shredder gear housing. Tomorrow I need to take the right front tire into the shop to fix a slow leak and drop off the used oil.

It’s ready to roll after that. It’s already running smoother with the loose spark plug tightened. I actually saw it wobbling when it was idling during the motor flush. LOL!

It was plenty hot outside so I worked naked and that made it bearable. That also saved me from getting oil and grease all over my clothes. It has been unusually wet this year so I’ve been doing more mowing than normal. This old tractor is awesome. It’s so easy to work on and most parts are so inexpensive. My next project on it will be to put on a new steering wheel and battery box. I would make videos of my work but 1. I’m naked and 2. There are plenty out there already. (Not naked ones but on a better planet, that would be normal.)

Time to get back to work. Lots of grass and weeds to cut. (Not the good kind.)

Byeeeeee.

Long Introduction

I’m planning on posting the following to a local Texas Facebook Nudist group. I thought I would compose it here in order to share it with the rest of the world just in case anybody cares:

I just wanted to re-introduce myself in a maximal way because I want to share my story with someone, anyone, who will listen. I’ve tried to share my passions with my “regular” friends on Facebook but they don’t get it and it is just falling on deaf ears which hurts me deeply. I’m hoping that fellow nudists might care and understand a little more than the normals would.

I’ve been a nudist in Texas almost all my life ever since I went skinny dipping in the pool when I was a kid and tanned naked in the sun when nobody else was home. I was hooked because it felt so natural and free. It was the best thing ever and I couldn’t share it with anyone.

I tried, oh, how I’ve tried. All of my friends and family know I’m a nudist but they won’t have anything to do with it. It’s a lonely world when you can’t share your passions with anyone. As a kid, I wore speedos because it was as close as you can legally be to being naked. Speedos fell out of style in the 90s but that didn’t stop me. Eventually, I had to give them up because they became too “gay”. Teardrops fall. I still look awesome in them.

When I moved into my own house in the suburbs of NW San Antonio, I got to be naked most of the time. I made sure to make my backyard as private as possible so I could swim in the pool and use the hot tub without getting dressed. It was good. I tried to contact fellow nudists but it was difficult because you don’t know if they are “nudists” or just trolling for sex and I was not ready for that. I joined the local Nudist Club and have been a member for many, many years. It was nice to be among others of my kind but they were older and weren’t much for going on outings to Hippie Hollow or the beach, lakes, or rivers. I kind of lost interest in the group. I was alone. Time passed.

Eventually, I saved and invested enough to retire early from the daily textile grind and build my dream house out in the country near Seguin where I can roam free on the land and never wear clothes again. It was really nice. Suddenly my mom turned 90 and could no longer live on her own. She now stays with me every other week alternating between my house and my sister’s house. Now I get to be naked every other week which is good but not ideal.

Still, I’m alone. I’m afraid to date anyone because the comfort of being naked is so important to me that I can’t afford to lose that completely. So few people are open-minded enough to even try it and it would waste my time and theirs if they don’t. I’m not sure I’m even capable of love anyway so it might be a total exercise in futility. If I think about it, I don’t really even want anyone around in a permanent fashion. I suppose I’m a professional loner. On the other hand, I can’t get loneliness out of my head. It’s a Human Condition that cannot be avoided. All I want is a nudist friend to spend a little time with. It doesn’t seem too much to ask for. If I never find one, I’ll live. If I do, then I might really live.

I’ve been writing a blog since 2007 but don’t get much feedback. It has been a nice place to share my thoughts and feelings even if it’s just with the Great Void of the Internet.

Perhaps I’m overly obsessed with being naked. I feel that that’s OK because it makes me happy. I feel that everyone else is missing out and I am incredibly sad for their loss. In a better world, this would not be an issue because everyone would be naked and it would be natural and normal. Can you imagine?

Thanks for letting me ramble. I can only hope there are other people somewhere out there like myself. I wish everyone as much happiness and freedom as I have.

Bump

It has been quite a while since I’ve written anything here. Almost two weeks I think. I haven’t really felt much like writing even though I’ve had a number of great topics run through my head. They’re gone now, unfortunately. They were probably mostly complaints anyway. The world is slowly going insane and there’s a lot to complain about.

I thought I might ramble a little for a few minutes:

Sooo. What? Not much exciting has been going on with me lately. I almost lost my marbles a couple of days ago. My 90-year-old mom stays with me every other week during which time I’m a nudist who has to wear clothing. It’s like being tied up and held for ransom. I can handle it in the winter but in the summer, I need to be naked. I need to be able to breathe. I could probably just go naked in front of her but it would be too weird. I manage by being “mostly” naked wearing short shorts and a tank top or no shirt. Still…not naked. She’s at my sister’s house this week so it’s naked time for the next seven days. Relief!

A few days ago I was mowing a neighbor’s field with my 1952 Ford 8n tractor and shredder. I was going through some REALLY tall weeds when I ran into the barbed wire fence. I was able to back out of the tangle but right then, the radiator cap popped off and a volcano of coolant shot up in the air. I was drenched with sticky, hot liquid. Fortunately, it was aerosolized enough that it wasn’t scalding. I let the tractor cool overnight then added some water the next morning. The cap was loose and wouldn’t stay on so I brought it home and ordered a new cap as well as a few other things it needed. Fortunately, parts for an old Ford tractor are cheap and readily available. Some even on Amazon! If you need tractor parts, I recommend yesterdaystractors.com. They have cheap parts and a great forum. I’ll have my old toy back up and running in a few days and will include an oil change.

My automated gate to the property stopped working. I’m pretty sure it needs a new battery. Thanks, Amazon for delivering one tomorrow. I also bought a WIFI camera for the front gate so I can see if it is open or closed as well as when packages are delivered. It has motion sensing alerts so nobody will be able to sneak up on me when I leave the gate open.

It has been a surprisingly moist year so far. My sunflower crop got plenty of rain a few weeks ago and got as tall as 8 feet. They are drooping now and will be drying out for harvest in a few weeks or so. More rain is expected this week which is good for my privacy hedges planted in areas where people may be able to see me naked. They look very healthy and should be nice and hedgy in a few years.

What else?… I got a new cover for my hot tub. The relentless sun bakes them to death in just a few years so I’m going to try to preserve this one by keeping it covered with a white tarp. A cover cover? It’s a shame that’s necessary.

My tomatoes are starting to turn red. I’ll be popping some in my mouth soon.

I’m still wishing I had a nudist friend. Keep on wishing, right? Hope. Hope that I will find one before I successfully become a full-hermit.

I got my RV out of the mud. After two weeks of rain, it sunk. I had to wait for the mud to completely dry and dig ramps to drive it out. It took a number of days. Not like I’m going anywhere in it anytime soon but I like to keep it maintained for the future. Camping alone is OK but losing its meaning.

Basically, all is well. Maybe I’ll blog a bit this week since I’ll have plenty of alone time to spend in any manner I like. That’s the best thing ever. I gave 50 years of my life to the world and now I’m taking time back while I still have some left. Time is the most valuable thing in the universe. I hope you can afford some too one day. Save and invest now! Money is Time and there’s no time Toulouse. (Get it? Monty Python? bah. That reference is wasted on you.)

Blah blah blah. I guess that’s enough to catch you up on my exciting and amazing life. Tune in later for more.

Why it’s so hard to find a naturist buddy

Finding a regular buddy is hard enough these days but finding a buddy who appreciates naturism is infinitely more difficult.

Why must it be like this? Let’s try to figure it out…

1. Not many people are naturists or are even open-minded enough. Don’t get me started on why because it makes no sense to me. Let’s just say that most people are dumb.
2. Of those few that are naturists, they are usually really far away from wherever you are making buddiness impossible.
3. Of those very few that are naturists and might live nearby, it’s likely that a good number of them are perverts. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that most naturists are perverts but many perverts may masquerade as naturists for the sake of fetish. I also have a problem with the classification of Pervert. After all, one person’s perversion is another person’s happiness. It’s just that most regular naturists don’t want to deal with that. Besides, everyone is perverted. They just pretend not to be on the outside. Don’t deny it!
4. Fear of crazy people is high on our radar nowadays. How do you know that the other person isn’t crazy. How do you get the point across that YOU’RE not crazy?
5. You would think the internet would help get people connected but it doesn’t seem to work that way. The internet only makes it more difficult because anonymity and repression make everyone look insane.

It’s a difficult world we live in. For those naturists who find their buddies, I salute you and am so jealous of your happiness. For the rest of us, who suffer in silence and emptiness, I wish you well and good luck in finding that needle in a planet covered in haystacks.

Seguin, Texas. I’m here if you are!

Hello?

Hello? What the fuck? Where are you?

I’m right here. Why are you doing this to me?

It doesn’t have to be like this.

Please help a fellow nudist

I was watching a show on PBS called “Growing Bolder”. It talks about older people making the most of their lives. They gave the advice to go after what you want while you still can. That’s pretty damn good advice. I’m 52 now and still have no prospects of ever achieving the only thing I’ve ever wanted in life. You wouldn’t think finding a female nudist friend would be that difficult but it is just plain downright impossible.

I was set to just let it go and accept living out my emptiness for the rest of my life but the show made me think. Since we only live once, should we just give up? Time isn’t on our side and the clock is ticking faster and faster every day.

Since I genuinely don’t know what to do about it, I’m BEGGING you, the reader, to PLEASE help me somehow. I’m a really good person who would rather die than hurt anyone else so you would think I would be swamped with prospective friends. Yet, alas. Nobody.

I’m asking you now; if you are or know of any female in my age range in the central Texas area who is a naturist or might like to enjoy the naturist lifestyle with me, PLEASE…you have to get in touch with me. I have so much to offer and ask so little in return.

I’m on the verge of completely giving up so what happens next will determine the course of my future. I don’t know what more I can do or say. Is it really supposed to be this difficult?

What up?

It has been a while since I’ve written in my blog. I don’t know. It seems a little pointless lately. What is the purpose of doing anything? To reach out. Well, I’m tired of reaching out just to find that there’s nothing out there.

I was going to write an entry about Meghan Markle and how she is an ungrateful, uncompromising, Ugly American, bridezilla bitch. But then I realized I don’t actually give a shit about her.

The weather was nice yesterday so I jumped in the car and went on a road trip to Pedernales Falls state park here in Texas. It’s only around 100 miles away but still felt like an eternity. I swear I expected to cross the Canadian border any minute. The park was a little more crowded than I like but then I remembered that it was Spring Break. I took my usual hike up to the end of the river where the crowd quickly thinned out. It can be a rough hike for regular people but was a Walk in the Park for me. LOL. Pun intended.

As usual, nobody even noticed me. I was invisible again. Near the park boundary, I ran across a guy also there by himself. I expected we might exchange a greeting or something but he ignored me completely as we passed. There were a few families there with kids. The kids could see me but the adults could not. That’s always the way it works. I wonder why. One day I hope to understand this phenomenon. An old man and his wife said Hi to me on the way out. That’s something.

But that’s OK. Back home I’m enjoying my solitude and beginning to revel in it. It has become something special that I alone possess. It makes me feel special. It’s kind of like living on my own private island. It is still going to take some time but I’m slowly privatizing my 3.4 acres to shield my ugliness from prying eyes. This year I’m planting large quantities of shrubberies around the perimeter. They are fast-growing and drought-tolerant but we’re still talking years before I’ll enjoy my walled garden in peace. Soon the existing barrier growth will start to leaf-out and I can feel a little less exposed. The freak winter storm Texas had a few weeks ago set the spring growth back a bit. I’m so looking forward to seeing things start growing again. I’m looking forward to being naked in the sun again.

My community band has begun rehearsals outside to protect from the pandemic. It’s kind of fun to be back again and do something constructive with others even though I don’t know who they are. It’s my first year with this band after having moved out of the city. I hope to be more approachable this year. It’s not easy for me to change my ways of forced solitude.

My mom has been well enough to stay with my sister on alternating weeks so I get every other week to myself to do as I please. I like having her stay with me for company but I do appreciate my alone time.

Time is still flying by. I thought it would slow down when I retired but the speed of time seems to be immutable. It is accelerating exponentially no matter what. I’m doing my best to maintain my health so I can enjoy it before it goes so fast that the universe explodes. Having a couple of stents put in my coronary arteries has extended my life beyond my expected time. I am doing very well and can gauge my heart health by my walking and running stamina. My recent hike at the park over the rocks, up the stairs, and up the hill without even losing my breath proved that my regiment of eating well and exercising has me in excellent health. I try to walk 1-2 miles daily when the weather is nice enough. Maybe I’ll make it to my desired goal of 80. After that, I have the option for a quick exit.

Today I did a few great things. I leveled out my driveway with my tractor. I did my taxes and expect to receive a $2600 refund thanks to the Healthcare Tax Credit. I laid on the couch and read. I masturbated. I watched some good TV. I doesn’t get much better than that.

Tomorrow I have nothing scheduled so I’ll do as I please again. Who knows what awesome things I will accomplish. Saturday I promised an acquaintance that I would help him work on his deck project and then Sunday I pick up my mom and go to band practice.

I’m enjoying watching the stock market recover from the pandemic. Every 1 percent increase makes me $1100 in my Wealthfront account. We still have a long way to go as the pandemic subsides and the market returns to normal. Bitcoin and Litecoin are also heading upward. My Litecoin investment has already doubled since I bought it.

Well. That about covers it I think. I feel pretty good and that’s all that matters. Life may not be great but it is definitely good enough for me. I hope it is working out for you too.

Focus!!!!!

I don’t know what’s going on but I can’t seem to concentrate on anything lately. There is like a buzz going on in my head that won’t stop. I’m not talking bout my Tinitus. It’s more of a thinking issue.

I can’t seem to pay full attention to all the things I used to enjoy. I love to read but books seem to just be a bunch of random words and names. I can’t tell what’s going on or who is who. I have so many books on hold right now because I keep switching to a new one hoping to find something that will hold my interest.

I can’t seem to watch movies anymore. It take so much energy to just pay attention long enough to get through one. I end up watching reruns of old things I used to enjoy because I know what is happening.

I can’t even get myself to work on a project. They sound awesome but just forcing myself to get started an then continue is so difficult. I have a lot of half-done projects sitting around.

I think I need a vacation. Yeah, I’m retired but I’m also everyone else’s bitch right now. I don’t have any time to myself because I’m stuck doing things for others. I need to rest.

My mom has been staying with me for the last three weeks straight and I seem to have lost my individualism. Luckily she is finally staying a few days to a week at my sister’s but I’m not sure that’s enough. I know that’s not enough. Plus tomorrow I have to help a friend with his car. I just need to relax.

I’ve placed my phone in airplane mode so I can’t get any calls or texts. Except for helping my friend tomorrow, and taking my mom to town for her 2nd vaccination, I’m offline for requests. Please don’t expect anything from me for a little while.

I think I need to meditate to slow my brain back down. I’m not sure I can even do that anymore. I think I’ll go try and sit naked under a tree and see if I can calm down for a while.