What have I done?

The buyers have made a written offer on the house and if all goes
well, closing will be in 30 days. That means in 30 days I have to be out.  My new house isn’t going to be ready by then so times will be interesting. I’m writing this to help me get my brain in order on the issue.

I’ll have to get a storage shed for my tools which I was going to do
anyway.  I hope everything fits well enough. I’ll have to rent a
storage thing for my furniture and stuff.  I could put it in the new
house but it would be in the way as I am working on it.  That will
cost a few hundred for a few months but I guess it will have to do.
Hopefully it shouldn’t be more than a few months to get the drywall

I guess I’ll live in my RV for the most part and stay at my mom’s
house the rest of the time.  I’m sure that will work out.  I could
stay with my sister if necessary too.  She lives nearby.
The most important thing now is to get the AC in the new house
operational.  Hopefully that will be happening next week.  That will
make working more comfortable.  It is already reaching 90 degrees here
in Texas and the humidity is killing me.  I have to actually work
naked to be able to stand it.  Wearing any clothing at all is
impossible.  I have a small window AC running now but it struggles to
cool the whole house without insulation.  I’m  putting the insulation
in now.

I got a quarter of the ceiling insulation done in one day so I expect
I’ll have it all done within a week.  Then I can put up the ceiling
drywall board then start on the walls.  I have a feeling taping and
floating will take at least a few weeks if not a whole month.  I may
get help with that if it drags on.  I know a guy.

I guess it won’t be too bad.  It will definitely be an interesting
adventure not having a comfortable house to go home to.
It’s mid May now and getting hot.  It will  be 100 soon.  I’m guessing
that I might be satisfactorily done and moved in  around August.  I’m
praying to the gods of air conditioning for their blessings.
I can do this.  I can handle it.

I guess one good thing about being moved out of the old house is that
I will not have a deadline anymore.  I can do as I please and take my
time.  That’s the way I really wanted it to be anyway.


Major life change – Freaking out

I have to say that managing the mini-freakouts is getting more difficult now. Since the beginning of this year, my life has been in the midst of a major change. I bought some land, I quit my job, I’m building a house, I’m selling the old house. Holy shit what have I done?!

My old house has been on the market less than a week now and I’ve had at least three people come see it each day. Nobody has made an offer yet but you can tell that it is going to happen. What does that mean for me? It means that things are getting REAL and they are getting FAST.

My new house is coming along well. I’m starting insulation and drywall tomorrow. I wish I had more time but had to hit the peak house selling season during the spring/early summer. Have I said all this before? Well I need to say it again. It’s good for me.

The realtor says it should take around 45 days after the offer for closing at which time I will be moving out. I doubt the new house will be ready in 45 days but I can live in my RV and work on the house without having to come back to the city house. I guess that’s good. Of course, once I get the check for the house sale then it will feel complete.

In the meantime, I’m in upheaval. So many unknowns and unscheduleds. I’m doing pretty well to go with the flow. I’m a very patient man. Call me, “One Who Waits.” Well, waiting is kind of over now. There’s a lot of action going on.

I keep getting glimpses of what it would feel like to enjoy the change. They are very tiny glimpses and I wish I could grab one and hold on. They are kind of like dreams that evaporate when you awaken. Maybe a kind of Enlightenment. I’m going to work on that.

I also constantly wonder if I’ve done the right thing. It has been my dream for 40 years so it must be right. What if my dream was stupid or otherwise wrong. Well, I’m up to my eyebrows in it so whether it’s right or wrong, it’s happening.

As I am typing this, I just got a text from my realtor. It looks like someone has made a verbal offer for $188,000 with 5,000 paid by seller and concessions. Whatever that means. (Hot dogs and beer?) She will explain in the morning. I’m guessing a verbal offer is not official but is certainly something. It looks like the selling price would be 183K which is only 1K less than what I was asking. Can’t complain about that.

Now I am even more freaking out. They want to close in 30 days so I guess my time is even shorter. OMG. OMG. OMG. Wow. OY!

It will be good to get the selling over and get on with moving I guess. Now I will have a timetable to work with. Time to figure out how to move all my shit. Good thing I narrowed it down to just the essentials a few times over the last few years. Much of the small stuff has already been moved. It’s mostly furniture and all the tools in the garage. I need to sell my trike too. Haven’t gotten any bites on it. I guess I’ll be pretty much giving it away. I don’t want to take it with me.

Holy Moley!

Tunnel Vision

I seem to have a bad case of tunnel vision. I don’t mean physically but more mentally.

I feel that I am not seeing everything in my field of vision. I see it but my attention field is tiny. It’s like I’m too close.

Maybe microscope vision would be more apt. I’m so zoomed in that I don’t experience the peripheral. I need to step back even more and perhaps slow down. The faster you move, the less you see. I am moving pretty quickly. The question is, how do you slow down?

My current project is still in progress. Building my new house. It seems to be going slowly now even though I spend so many hours on it. There are many details to handle and time is passing so fast. I am trying to rush the job because there are many deadlines like the approaching summer heat and the spring house buying season to sell my old one. If it sells quickly then I’ll need to have my new house done quicker.

I was hoping for life to slow down once I retired but I think it is going even faster. I’m pretty sure it is temporary because once the house is done I can finally chill down.

Tunnel/Microscope vision has always been a problem for me. I concentrate solely on the task and don’t enjoy the environment. I’m not sure how but I am resolving myself to look around more and widen my view. The focus is just a small part of the whole. Experience the whole!

The Human Struggle

Have you ever stepped back and looked at life? What is really happening? Do you see the struggle that humans are enduring? Is there another way? Where does it come from?

Now that I am retired, I am at least slightly stepped back and I see what is going on. Look around. Everyone you see is doing the same thing. They go to work to make money to buy stuff. When there is spare time, they pursue relationships. It’s all the same. Everyone has done it and will do it through the end of time.

It makes me wonder if there really is Free Will. Are they all choosing to do this or are they pre-programmed. Is there an alternative?

Even I am not immune. I did my time with the work/stuff ritual. I didn’t do well in the relationship area but the irrepressible desire was still there.

I’m thinking that life is about the experience. Could it be that this particular universe is all about this particular experience? It might be like some kind of amusement park ride on which we cannot get off. After all, it’s not just Humans. Animals and plants work to find/make food. They desire reproduction. It’s all the same. Same same same.

My theory is that there are other universes where the rules are different. I don’t even know what they may be. We are so well programmed that even thinking about it being a different way is virtually impossible.

Could it be that the fact that life makes no sense is attributed to our programming which is not allowed to understand? This bubble is too small for me.

The old house is now on the market

Today I met with my realtor and signed all the papers to get my house on the market.

In just a few days it will be entered in the MLS system and will be available to view. The timing is pretty good since right now is peak selling season. She seems to think that it will sell quickly. We are expecting to get around $184,000 for it which should put around $170,000 in my pocket.

It’s also good timing since my new house is coming along very nicely. I’m just finishing up installing the air conditioning system. I completed the electrical rough-in and the plumbing is 95% done. Just a little left on the vent stacks.

Shortly I will be ready for the insulation and drywall. That’s pretty much done. I hoped to put the house on the market when I started the drywall so I’m nicely on schedule.

Sorry I haven’t posted much on the house progress lately. I just haven’t been into talking about it. I just want to work on it and not think too much.

So now that I’m selling the old house, things are getting REAL for sure. I’m almost ready to freak out but it all feels under control so it’s not so bad. I’m up to my eyebrows here so there’s not much alternative anyway. I’m excited and happy about the progress and change in my life.

The other day, I gave my notice to the community band that I have been performing in for the last 11 years. I’m really going to miss it and all the people but it would be too far to go and I’m kind of burned out a little anyway. There are other bands. Maybe not as good but I’m not that good either so it might be fine.

Can you believe it? I’m achieving my dream! Alone…

New Retirement Simulator

Now that I am “Retired”, it was time to rewrite my retirement simulator program. Fortunately not much work was required. I just had to delete the lines that no longer applied and add a few extras.

I wrote the Retirement Simulator a while back to help me get my head around my finances and help me understand how they would get me through the second part of my life. It also helps calm my fears when my worries turn to running out of money which happens fairly often.

I just completed the rewrite and am pleasantly calmed by the results. My recent spending spree on house building supplies kind of freaks me out but the simulator says that I am totally fine. I could live the rest of my life without working at all should I want to and have tons of cash left over. It predicts that I’ll even be making money when I reach 67. Not that I would need it but hey!

I don’t mean to be rubbing it in to any of my readers because I’m not that kind of person. I’m just saying that my decades of preparation are paying off. I hope that many of you have planned well for your retirement because surely you don’t want to work for the rest of your life.

I’ve been through it many times and even though the results blow my mind, I don’t see any major errors in my calculations so it must be pretty much correct. Even if I was wrong by a large amount, I could still be OK. If nothing else, it gives me peace of mind when I need it most. I wish it would really sink in but having spent 50 years being extremely frugal, you don’t easily change. Maybe that’s not a bad thing. It helps guarantee my success. I don’t plan on changing my habits much but it would be nice to change the way I feel.

Here’s what the simulator tells me:


Starting Cash: $275000
Estimating monthly spending at $1200
Estimating Health Insurance at $600 /month.
Estimating $800 /mo investment income
Estimating monthly Retired income at $0
Retirement portfolios: $300000
Retirement portfolio available at age 60.
Receive Social Security at age 67.
Estimating Social Security income of $1500 /month at age 67.

Age Year Cash
51 2019 $275000
52 2020 $260500
53 2021 $246000
54 2022 $231500
55 2023 $217000
56 2024 $202500
57 2025 $188000
58 2026 $173500
59 2027 $159000
60 2028 $144500
** Include Retirement in Cash $300000
** End retirement income
61 2029 $439600
62 2030 $434700
63 2031 $429800
64 2032 $424900
65 2033 $420000
66 2034 $422300
67 2035 $424600
** Include Social security at $1500 /mo
68 2036 $444900
69 2037 $465200
70 2038 $485500
71 2039 $505800
72 2040 $526100
73 2041 $546400
74 2042 $566700
75 2043 $587000
76 2044 $607300
77 2045 $627600
78 2046 $647900
79 2047 $668200
80 2048 $688500
81 2049 $708800
82 2050 $729100
83 2051 $749400
84 2052 $769700
85 2053 $790000
86 2054 $810300
87 2055 $830600
88 2056 $850900
89 2057 $871200
90 2058 $891500
91 2059 $911800
92 2060 $932100
93 2061 $952400
94 2062 $972700
95 2063 $993000
96 2064 $1013300
97 2065 $1033600
98 2066 $1053900
99 2067 $1074200

What are my secrets? They are actually quite easy and basic.

  1. Don’t waste money.
  2. Invest now.

Anyone can do it.

Here’s my code. I tried to cut and paste but it got all screwed up so I’m inserting it as an image.

A Difficult Equilibrium

I went out this evening to get some nachos. I deserve them once in a while. As usual, as I sit alone at my table, I can’t avoid observing the humans. At the table next to me was a man and his wife. The other direction had two women and a baby.

I really should avoid thinking but as I had nobody to talk to, I had no choice.

I wondered why having friends and family is so easy for the regular people. I wondered why I was unable to achieve such a simple feat. I’ve been over it many times in the past and it seems that I’m just too smart for that. If nothing else, my smartness is equal and opposite to my need for female companionship. Part of me wants it but the other part of me knows the consequences of succeeding. Therefore: Eternal Stalemate.

I’m not completely opposed. Should the right person come along and force her way into my life I might not protest. However, I am unable to initiate the hunt. In the end, I basically sit alone and hope someone will see me and enter my life. Although, time passes and I get older and uglier so the prospects get dimmer. Soon the coals will wink out completely.

It’s not like I haven’t accepted this. I did that decades ago. The problem is that it won’t go away. Human nature I suppose. Well, I’ll just keep up the good fight and see what happens. I know it’s screwed up but what can you do?

I wonder if there are any psychology students out there who would like to interview me. It would give me someone to talk to and give them, possibly, a really interesting report or thesis on Chronic Loneliness.