Grocery Store Saddness


grcrylnsIt’s two days before Thanksgiving.  I needed to get some cat food so after fighting the traffic to get home, I got some dinner and rested.  About 7 pm I fought the traffic to the grocery store.

Parking was hard to find and the store was packed.  I fought my way down the aisle.

All these people shopping for supplies to make their big Thanksgiving dinner for their family and friends.

I was buying cat food.

I almost started crying.


Stop shooting vertical video, people!!!


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vrtvidOh My God people!  Stop holding your phone wrong when shooting video.

You see video that people have taken on their phones on the news all the time and 90% of it is vertical.  That’s a thin strip of video with two HUGE black bars on the left and right.  Annoying?  YES!

That’s what happens when you hold your phone vertically instead of horizontally like a television.

It continues to amaze me that people are that stupid that they would even WANT to shoot vertical video.  I figure they are either dumb as a box of rocks or just don’t give a shit.  Either way. STOP IT!

I wish the phone manufacturers would require a phone to be held horizontally before video can even be taken.  It should be impossible for someone to do it wrong.  Please Apple and Android;  Fix it because people are too dumb to do it right on their own.

One more time for the intelligence-impaired:vertvid2

Still don’t get it?  Watch this video:

Still don’t get it?  You are a total idiot.

ISIS. When are we going to get serious?


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ISIS teacher showing student how to use weapons to kill infidels.

I’m watching Frontline on PBS.  They are doing a documentary on the rise of ISIS in Afghanistan.  In one scene, ISIS teachers are brainwashing small children to prepare them to kill infidels.  That means YOU.

There’s no doubt that ISIS is becoming stronger and unless the rest of the world gets serious about it VERY QUICKLY, we are all going to be living in a very unpleasant society.

New ISIS members are being recruited all around the globe.  It may already be too late.  While you sit around texting and watching reality TV, they are preparing.  Shit is going to happen and you are going to have no idea what hit you.

What can we do?  As long as we continue to live in our politically correct world of materialism, we can do nothing.  The only way to stop this from getting any worse is to act strongly and widely.  We need to either send in some major military action or just nuke them.  Yes there will be collateral damage but it’s them or us at this point.  We can’t screw around for much longer.

Right now the main control of ISIS is still in the middle east.  A widespread nuclear attack can nip this in the bud.  Once they set up headquarters in civilized nations, it will be to late.

The suicide bombings and shootings in Paris are just the tip of the iceberg.  I’ll bet you five bucks there will be action during Thanksgiving and Christmas Parades.  The Superbowl.  New Years in Times square.  There’s no way we can prevent it.

You know we are going to do nothing effective to destroy ISIS because we can’t.  We have become too pussified to even save ourselves..  We can only hope that nothing serious happens before a Republican President takes office and possibly has a little more courage to act.

I am old enough to remember a time when America was indeed great.  I’ve seen the drive for political correctness and safety take us to a point where any other country can walk all over us.  It’s sad.  You young people have no idea what it was like and what we are setting ourselves up for.

It’s about to get real, people!   You better wake up!


Am I gay?


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wrdbyI’m going to be open about something.  Perhaps more open than I should be but how else is a person supposed to understand himself?

I’ve spent so many years trying to makes sense of this.  I’m 47 and still a virgin.  The Pope has had more sex than I have.  I’m sure the people around me wonder just as much as I do whether or not I am gay.

There’s no doubt I may appear gay.  I love speedos, short shorts, tank tops and nudity.  It pains me that these things fall into the category of gay though because I don’t see them that way.  To me they are just pure awesomeness. Of course clothes, or lack of them do not make a man gay.

The dictionary defines gay as, “sexually attracted to someone who is the same sex”.

So, am I attracted to men?  I am attracted to the idea of being in love with a man but looking at men in reality is mostly a turn-off.   I can NOT see myself kissing or cuddling another real man.  I would not be opposed to some sexual experimentation but only if he met strict criteria.  ex: young, no body hair, no bald head, no facial hair.   Even then, I like the idea better than the reality.

I can’t see myself “Loving” another man.  I’m not interested in getting married to a guy.  The closest relationship I would want would be BFFWB. (Best Friend Forever With Benefits).  I find it difficult to find a BFF who likes the same things and activities that I do.  Adding the WB would be astronomically impossible.  Still, It’s what I want.

Now, to make things far more confusing,  I can’t say that I am NOT attracted to women.  I’ve been to Colorado and seen beautiful white women who I could seriously imagine dating and being married to.  Even having children.  Why Colorado?  Because the women in Texas are primarily Hispanic.  I am NOT attracted to Hispanic women.  In fact, they gross me out. They look, in my mind, like sluts.  I consider it the primary reason I feel that I may be gay.  Because the women I see every day turn me off.

To make it even MORE confusing, I’m more in love with the idea of being in love with a woman than I am with being in love with a real woman.  Real women are a pain in the ass.  I don’t have the energy it would take to make a girlfriend happy.  Not to mention the fact that I have no idea how.  I never dated in school.  I remember telling myself each year, “Next year you’re going to find a girlfriend.” 37 years later, that never happened.

I’ve spent time with girls.  I had a friend who was a girl in high school, we spent a lot of time together but it was never anything close to sexual.  We were just friends.  She’s gay now.  I wonder if I caused that.

I have a couple of friends who are girls now but there is no feeling of anything other than friendship.  Probably my fault but they just aren’t the right type.  I don’t feel it.  Not to say that I haven’t fantasized but like I said before, fantasy and real life are two different things.

I’ve been “hit on” by a few guys over the years.  They were obviously gay and I’m not into that for sure.  If I was going to be gay for someone they would have to be mostly masculine.  Like a close friend.  I had to turn them down because I just don’t see myself that way.

To make matters more difficult, I am invisible.  For the most part, the general public cannot see me.  I have a bad self-image.  Even as a kid, I’ve always thought of myself as physically ugly.  Now I look back at pictures of myself and see that I was not ugly.  I’m ugly now though.  When I’m 70 I’ll probably look back at my 47 year old self and think I was handsome and I wasted my youth.  I’ll probably be right but that doesn’t help me now.  A poor self-image is a bugger to get rid of.  They say sex goes a long way in making you feel like you are worthy.  Well…. Catch 22.

I contribute partially my love for skimpy clothing as one of the few ways I can get someone to even look at me.  Even if it is not in a positive way.  My logic tells me that if a guy or a girl is attracted to me in my little speedo or short shorts then that person is the kind of person I am looking for.  They get it!   They pass the first test.  The sad part is that such awesomeness is not publicly accepted.  Most people yell at me.  How screwed up is that?

One reason I might lean toward gayness is that it is far easier to have sex with a guy.  With a woman you have to go through all sorts of shit.  With a guy, you just have to say, “Fuck me!  However, what damage to what’s left of my self-image could that do?

Yes, you may say that I am overthinking something that is so simple for regular people.  Just go out and find a girl or guy.  Well, I just can’t do that.  What if I found a person that had the basic requirements but did not fit the important requirement like being a nudist?  I would be incredibly unhappy in that relationship.  I’d rather be alone for the rest of my life than have to wear clothes all the time.

There’s no doubt that I am missing what is referred to as Male Bonding.  I lost my father when I was 9.  I lost my friends when we went to high school.  I’ve had no opportunity to have a proper male influence on my life.  I consider myself to be, for the most part, manly-ish.  I am highly experienced and skilled in the manly arts of woodworking, welding, auto repair, yardwork, etc.   I’ve done rather well for myself by myself considering what I’ve had to work with.  Social skills, not so much.

So, am I gay or not?  The question or answer itself isn’t that important but I need to know which way to go from here.

So what do I want?  I think I would like a robot wife and robot children with a robot dog.  All as authentic looking as the real things but completely synthetic and programmable.  I would also like a robot male friend.  Better yet, a clone of myself.  He would appreciate awesomeness the same way I do.  How sweet would that be?

That’s not reality.  It’s not going to happen in my lifetime so I would be wasting my life desiring it.  Yet, there it is.  We want what we want.

Now that I’ve laid it out.  I don’t think I’ve come to any useful conclusion or psychiatric breakthrough.  I’m still confused.  I’m still lost.  I’m still invisible.

In a better universe, people would be more the same.  They would all be pretty and appreciate awesomeness.  Maybe in my next reincarnation I will chose the right universe.




Camping alone at Medina Lake 2015


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I camp alone.
Yeah with nobody else.
You know when I camp alone,
I prefer to be by myself.

I had a lot of vacation that needed to be used before the end of the year so I loaded up my 1982 Holiday Rambler RV and took the short drive to Medina Lake. I totally miscalculated and filled the 20 gallon gas tank but it only took a quarter of a tank to get there. I guess I’ll have to go somewhere else soon to use it up before it goes bad.

Day One.

Img_0352I arrived around 11:00. It was nice to see water in the lake again. After so many years of drought the water looks weird. The last time I was here I rode my bicycle on the bottom of the lake. After setting up camp I walked along the shore trying to find the exact spots where I took pictures when the lake was empty in order to make a before/after comparison. I think I found at least a couple.

Img_0360It took me a while to get my DirecTV dish aligned correctly. Unlike my last outing, this time it is more of a Glamping trip. I’m not going to worry about camping “correctly”. This time I’m here to relax and do whatever the hell I want. That includes watching satellite TV and chilling on the couch.

The weather was cool and the sun shrouded by high clouds. Better than the usual Hell Hot for sure. I relaxed in my hammock and read while enjoying the view. After a while I decided to ride my bike and see if the hot tub looked good. It was a long ride but it looked good. I wanted to come back later when it was dark and enjoy it.

Img_0362When I got back to camp, I started up the charcoal and grilled myself a burger and toasted up some tots. I watched a little TV then rode my bike back up to the hot tub. I wired my bike up with a nice big headlight and running lights connected to a 7.5 AH battery strapped to the cargo carrier behind the seat. It was fun to use. Without it I would not have been able to even see where I was going. Night is dark when you are not in the city.

As I rode up to the pool area, I heard voices. There were a couple of older ladies in the hot tub. I joined them and we made small talk for a while. Good practice for me. Eventually they had enough and were ready to go. Of course I took the opportunity to get naked and enjoyed the hot water and the cool evening air in style before riding back to my RV.

I watched some telly and went to sleep. I expected it to be cooler than it was so I was kind of warm under the covers most of the night.

Day Two:

I woke up and watched some TV then took a shower and cleaned up the RV a bit. Not ready to cook a big meal for lunch I microwaved up some Tuna Noodle Casserole that I made the other day and brought along. That hit the spot for now. Steak for dinner.

I heard a gnawing sound behind the refrigerator so I went out and opened up the access hatch to find a squirrel looking back at me. He must have crawled in the open refrigerator vent on the roof and was hanging out near the heat source. There was no way I can get him out without pulling the fridge out so I am just hinging the access door open with a piece of wood so he can get out when he’s ready. As long as he doesn’t chew anything he can stay for a while. Note to self: Put some screen over the vent opening.

I watched more TV (because that is what I like to do best.) then rode my bike around the park to look at the other RVs. All of them newer and fancier than mine but I still like mine best. It has character and everything I need plus it gives me something to work on. If I had bought an expensive new rig I would have wasted money and have been bored.

There are many permanently parked RVs and quite a few that look like they are currently lived in but there’s not a soul in sight. As I rode around I saw one guy walking and one other guy building something with a saw. The place is virtually deserted in November. That’s partially why I chose this time. There are no inhabited RVs near me in sight. If it was warmer I could run around naked. It was 84 the other day. That would have been great. Now it’s 64 and overcast. Too cool for nakedidity and swimming. I’ll have to come back during the summer next year for a weekend getaway and see what it is like with people all about. For now, quiet and alone is preferred. All I can hear right now is the humming of the hard drive in my DVR. Note to self: Get a SSD.

Img_0372At 4:30 I grilled my steak and boudin sausage included a small baked potato and some jalapeno ranch style beans for a manly dinner. I watched the news and now that it was dark I went out and had a small campfire while listening to Midnight in the Desert where the guest was Neil Degrasse Tyson. It was very dark. All I could hear were the crickets, frogs and deer running around just beyond the threshold of night.

Img_0377After a couple of hours of that I went back in, took a hot shower then watched Terminator Genesis then went to sleep.

Day Three:

I woke up earlier than I had planned but what the hell. It was cool and overcast. I watched more TV. Made some waffles. Watched more TV. Lying on the couch with nothing I have to do is awesome.

I read a while. Watched another episode of The New Screensavers then Heated up a frozen pizza in the oven. This is the first time I’ve used the oven. Mostly because I haven’t needed it and also because heat is bad most of the time in Texas. It’s a cool day so the heat actually felt good. So was the pizza.

Being a Saturday, a few people showed up in both tents and RVs. I watched a few kids ride their bikes and longed for the old days when I was young and had family and friends. There were a few boats speeding by on the lake but not a lot of traffic there. Seems a bit cold for going fast.

A little rain fell now and then but not enough to get the ground permanently wet. It’s not really pleasant outside because of the overcast and lack of sun. If it was sunny, it would be awesome! I expect to spend the day on the couch with my book, tv and nappage. Sounds fine to me.

Yeah. I spent the whole day on the couch. Still, the view out the window was much nicer than being at home.

Img_0379It’s after dark. I was reading my book and enjoying the silence when I heard thunder. I thought I would go out and bring in anything that shouldn’t get wet. While I was doing that, a face appeared in the darkness beyond the glow of my single string of led christmas lights strung across the closed awning. It was a young deer. The deer here are wild and will run away if you get too close to them. This one was either young and dumb or smart enough to recognize a good person when he sees one. He came right up to me. I told him to wait a second and went inside for a few slices of bread. I came back out and sat on the steps while he ate the bread right out of my hand. I was able to pet him a bit. That was fun. I see deer all the time but never touched one. I told him he would get fat if he kept doing this.

Reading again. . Great. I hear the squirrel stirring under the refrigerator. I thought he was gone. I propped open the exterior access door again. He was there all last night and all today. I think he has a plan to stow away and go to San Antonio with me. I tried to talk some sense into him. Going to San Antonio is crazy. This place is a far better environment to squirrel around in. The city squirrels would be jealous. Still he’s not budging. I guess if he is still there tomorrow I’m going to have to pull the whole refrigerator out if not tonight. I’ll sleep better if I do it now. That means I would have to disconnect the propane line and remove a bunch of wires and screws. Not feeling like that energetic right now. Get out! Don’t make me come in there!

Day Four:

Img_0359Another overcast, dreary day. I had planned to stay one more day and leave on Monday but I think I’m done. If it was sunny and beautiful yet cool I would totally stay but I think I can better use the last few days of my vacation at home taking care of some things that can’t be done during a work week. I feel adequately vacated. Time to pack up and take the long 30 minute journey home.

I’m going to have to do this a little more often. So many places to camp within 100 miles of home that it can easily be done on a regular weekend. The only problem there is that is when all the regular people go camping. At least it is less crowded in the winter.

Daylight Saving Time is stupid


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dstCount Daylight Saving Time as one of the many things that make no sense in this world.

On November 1st we adjusted our clocks back an hour.  Now it is dark when I go to work and dark when I come home.  What genius came up with that one?

And why doesn’t somebody do something about it?  Light in the morning is pointless.  We are sleeping or going to work/school.  The light is needed in the evenings when we come home and have to do our chores.  It’s not easy doing yard work in the dark.

Maybe Donald Trump will fix it.

What actually happened to Russian MetroJet plane


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rsnjtI know what happened to the Russian Metrojet what crashed in Egypt.  It’s pretty obvious.

All the pictures show the wreckage of the plane, luggage and clothing but no bodies.

The passengers of the plane were obviously raptured.  They all disappeared so quickly that even the pilots didn’t have time to turn on the autopilot.  Without someone at the wheel, the plane nosedived into the ground.

There you go.  Mystery solved.

Waiting for the Great Pumpkin


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gtpmpknI just had an awesome idea!!

I was sitting all alone in the darkness watching “It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown.” when the idea hit me.

It’s too late this year but maybe I’ll look into it for next year.  There are no legitimate pumpkin patches in San Antonio but there are many church yards that become “Pumpkin Patches” where you can go buy your Halloween Jack-O-Lantern donor gourd.  You know there must be a lot of extra pumpkins left on Halloween night.

What if I went and just sat in one for a few hours on a cool Halloween night.  Even better,  What if other people had the same idea and I didn’t have to be there all alone?  It seems like an idea that might catch on across the United States so that people without children and friends can have something to look forward to on a pointless evening.

It kind of seems like something that they would do in Austin where they like to keep it weird.  I did a google search and found nothing of this idea.  I think I’m the original.

I wonder how one would go about setting up an event.  Maybe if I found a church pumpkin patch that was especially sincere.  One that was without hypocracy for as far as the eye could see.  I could speak to them and see if they would be interested in allowing such a thing.  Being at a church it would possibly be a safer setting and not attract the wrong kind of people.  I wonder if they would take me seriously.

I’m just talking about a simple thing where lonely people might sit around in the patch and talk to each other and enjoy the evening.  It would be a shame if it eventually became commercial with food vendors, loud music and other hypocrisies.  Of course all good things end up going that way but for a while it could be a glorious event.

I wonder how I could publicize the event so that the right kind of people would know about it.

I hope I remember it in time for next year.  Would you wait for the Great Pumpkin with me?


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