Masturbation Abstaination

Like every chronically lonely person knows, a good wank is the best medicine. I’m not a JO freak but I sometimes do it almost daily. Even thought it is an excellent temporary solution for my chronic problem, I wonder if it also makes things worse.

What is loneliness after all? It is the desire for love manifesting as a mental illness. Sex is the ultimate destination. The desire to share the awesomeness with someone else is all we want. For those who are unable, the pain can be horrific.

What if one makes sex a less common thing? Will that reduce the desire to share it? That is my theory. I’m always up for a good scientific experiment so my plan is to limit masturbation to one day a week. Saturday perhaps. There’s always quitting completely but I don’t think that’s necessary. After all, it’s healthy for both your mind and body.

I expect that placing this limit will reduce my feelings and consequently, my desires for that which I cannot have. I’ve considered conditioning my mind to equate sexual activities with something gross but I don’t want to go that far. I’ve already done that with kissing to help me reduce my desires for love. I successfully feel that kissing another person would be like drinking out of a toilet. I’m not sure that was a good idea in retrospect. Still it has been somewhat helpful. If I do the same with sex, then I’m sure that would end my loneliness but that’s too extreme. I’m not at that point yet. Besides, I enjoy it.

What do you think? Wish me luck. Science!!

Please help a fellow nudist

I was watching a show on PBS called “Growing Bolder”. It talks about older people making the most of their lives. They gave the advice to go after what you want while you still can. That’s pretty damn good advice. I’m 52 now and still have no prospects of ever achieving the only thing I’ve ever wanted in life. You wouldn’t think finding a female nudist friend would be that difficult but it is just plain downright impossible.

I was set to just let it go and accept living out my emptiness for the rest of my life but the show made me think. Since we only live once, should we just give up? Time isn’t on our side and the clock is ticking faster and faster every day.

Since I genuinely don’t know what to do about it, I’m BEGGING you, the reader, to PLEASE help me somehow. I’m a really good person who would rather die than hurt anyone else so you would think I would be swamped with prospective friends. Yet, alas. Nobody.

I’m asking you now; if you are or know of any female in my age range in the central Texas area who is a naturist or might like to enjoy the naturist lifestyle with me, PLEASE…you have to get in touch with me. I have so much to offer and ask so little in return.

I’m on the verge of completely giving up so what happens next will determine the course of my future. I don’t know what more I can do or say. Is it really supposed to be this difficult?

Why so much racism? The big picture.

Racism ended back in the 1970s so what is going on lately? The perception of racism has gone off the charts. Are people getting racist again or are we all overreacting to minor issues with major outrage?

The Elephant in the Room

What’s really going on is more perception than reality. The prevalence of Social Media makes small things look huge and promotes outrage. The majority of people are not racist. White people are not inherently racist. It is wrong to label them as such. What’s happening in the background is the anger of white people at being discriminated against in the name of “equality”. If you discriminate against white people, like any other race, they are going to push back. The inability for them to push back without being labeled as Racist is frustrating and breeds resentment. We all need to step back. Stop acting improperly and let the anger on both sides subside again.

Stop trying to force equality. We are already equal. All you have to do now is act equal and stop pretending that everyone is out to get you. We all want to live and let live. As long as we keep acting different, we are going to piss people off. Stop doing that. We are all humans. Please act human. There’s no need to behave like animals.

Yes, there is income inequality but that’s the way it is supposed to be. All you have to do is get your education and pay your dues. We can’t all be CEO. Somebody has to scrub the bathroom floor. Start low and work your way up. That is the way.

Nobody cares what color your skin is. It is how you represent yourself that matters. If you do bad things then you must pay the price. Be nice to each other. Don’t be a criminal and the police will not bother you. Don’t dress like a criminal and give them reason to notice you. How many black men in suits have been beaten by police? I’m sure the same thing would happen to a white thug acting poorly.

Look. It doesn’t have to be that way. It ISN’T that way. You’re making it that way. Just stop and try to be a contributing member of society. Calm down. Live and let live. Now go have a Coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

What up?

It has been a while since I’ve written in my blog. I don’t know. It seems a little pointless lately. What is the purpose of doing anything? To reach out. Well, I’m tired of reaching out just to find that there’s nothing out there.

I was going to write an entry about Meghan Markle and how she is an ungrateful, uncompromising, Ugly American, bridezilla bitch. But then I realized I don’t actually give a shit about her.

The weather was nice yesterday so I jumped in the car and went on a road trip to Pedernales Falls state park here in Texas. It’s only around 100 miles away but still felt like an eternity. I swear I expected to cross the Canadian border any minute. The park was a little more crowded than I like but then I remembered that it was Spring Break. I took my usual hike up to the end of the river where the crowd quickly thinned out. It can be a rough hike for regular people but was a Walk in the Park for me. LOL. Pun intended.

As usual, nobody even noticed me. I was invisible again. Near the park boundary, I ran across a guy also there by himself. I expected we might exchange a greeting or something but he ignored me completely as we passed. There were a few families there with kids. The kids could see me but the adults could not. That’s always the way it works. I wonder why. One day I hope to understand this phenomenon. An old man and his wife said Hi to me on the way out. That’s something.

But that’s OK. Back home I’m enjoying my solitude and beginning to revel in it. It has become something special that I alone possess. It makes me feel special. It’s kind of like living on my own private island. It is still going to take some time but I’m slowly privatizing my 3.4 acres to shield my ugliness from prying eyes. This year I’m planting large quantities of shrubberies around the perimeter. They are fast-growing and drought-tolerant but we’re still talking years before I’ll enjoy my walled garden in peace. Soon the existing barrier growth will start to leaf-out and I can feel a little less exposed. The freak winter storm Texas had a few weeks ago set the spring growth back a bit. I’m so looking forward to seeing things start growing again. I’m looking forward to being naked in the sun again.

My community band has begun rehearsals outside to protect from the pandemic. It’s kind of fun to be back again and do something constructive with others even though I don’t know who they are. It’s my first year with this band after having moved out of the city. I hope to be more approachable this year. It’s not easy for me to change my ways of forced solitude.

My mom has been well enough to stay with my sister on alternating weeks so I get every other week to myself to do as I please. I like having her stay with me for company but I do appreciate my alone time.

Time is still flying by. I thought it would slow down when I retired but the speed of time seems to be immutable. It is accelerating exponentially no matter what. I’m doing my best to maintain my health so I can enjoy it before it goes so fast that the universe explodes. Having a couple of stents put in my coronary arteries has extended my life beyond my expected time. I am doing very well and can gauge my heart health by my walking and running stamina. My recent hike at the park over the rocks, up the stairs, and up the hill without even losing my breath proved that my regiment of eating well and exercising has me in excellent health. I try to walk 1-2 miles daily when the weather is nice enough. Maybe I’ll make it to my desired goal of 80. After that, I have the option for a quick exit.

Today I did a few great things. I leveled out my driveway with my tractor. I did my taxes and expect to receive a $2600 refund thanks to the Healthcare Tax Credit. I laid on the couch and read. I masturbated. I watched some good TV. I doesn’t get much better than that.

Tomorrow I have nothing scheduled so I’ll do as I please again. Who knows what awesome things I will accomplish. Saturday I promised an acquaintance that I would help him work on his deck project and then Sunday I pick up my mom and go to band practice.

I’m enjoying watching the stock market recover from the pandemic. Every 1 percent increase makes me $1100 in my Wealthfront account. We still have a long way to go as the pandemic subsides and the market returns to normal. Bitcoin and Litecoin are also heading upward. My Litecoin investment has already doubled since I bought it.

Well. That about covers it I think. I feel pretty good and that’s all that matters. Life may not be great but it is definitely good enough for me. I hope it is working out for you too.

Oboe – I Still Got it!

I got an email the other day that the Community Band will begin practicing again next weekend. With the Covid Pandemic shutting everything down, I haven’t touched my Oboe in a year now. Yeah, I probably should have been practicing to keep my technique up but I was burned out anyway and glad for the break.

I’ve been playing in community bands since around 2002 I think. That’s like 18 years. Wow! Time really passes by! I needed a break so it didn’t hurt my feelings too much when we had to stop and seek shelter. I really had no interest in even tooting around on it during this time. I was fully in time-off mode.

I also felt that it was pointless anyway. I don’t have any friends or family to come hear me play. The audience is empty as far as I’m concerned. Does a tree falling in the forest make a sound if nobody who cares can hear it? Whatever.

Now that we are going to start up again, I still have reservations against playing. Mostly because I worry my tinnitus will get worse from the loud music. I’ve also become quite lazy. I also don’t know that I want to practice at home with my mom staying with me. Kind of embarrassing.

We are supposed to start practicing outside so I think it would be safe enough. Tonight I took out my oboe and started to honk around on it a bit. It sounded as good as ever. Hmmm. I played through a little of the music I had on hand and it was like I had never left it alone for a year. I guess I’ve still got it. (For whatever it’s worth.)

I’m feeling kind of good about going back now. It might be nice to spend time with others and do something constructive. (For whatever it’s worth.) It’s something worthy to do. OK. You’ve talked me into it.

Coke says to be “Less White”

Wow! Just…Wow!

I would not have believed it myself. This totally sounds like some kind of Fake News but it seems to be true. When I first heard that Coca Cola urged it’s employees to be “Less White” I was sure it was a hoax. No self-respecting HR department would allow such racism.

You can’t necessarily blame Coke for this. The training course was provided by LinkedIn Education so perhaps they are to take the full blame. I don’t know who LinkedIn Education is but I hope they get proper repercussions.

To be less white is to:

  • be less oppressive
  • be less arrogant
  • be less certain
  • be less defensive
  • be less ignorant
  • be less humble
  • listen
  • believe
  • break with apathy
  • break with white solidarity

Can you get much more racist than that? A good test for racism is to change the race and see if it still sounds racist. What if I asked you to be less Black? Would that be bad?

The proper wording for this lesson is “To be less Racist” not “To be less WHITE.” Not all White people are racist. In fact, very few are racist. We stopped being racist decades ago. Please let it go and let it heal. You keep picking at a scab!

Come on people. Reverse racism is still racism. We are supposed to be equal here. Stop making it worse!

I Discovered the Multiverse!

Whoa! Cool! I thin I just discovered the multiverse.

I was sitting out under a tree doing a little naked meditation when I came up with the observation of parallel universes. Yeah, you’re not supposed to be thinking when you meditate but I promise I wasn’t thinking hard. It happened more when I was done anyway.

I noticed that I can jump from one universe to the next either by thought or deed. It’s not what you are thinking nor is it what I had expected. It does prove that I am the Creator after all though. There are infinite universes out there, all are similar to ours but different in some way. They are parallel after all.

There’s the universe where you regular people live your normal, pointless existence. That’s apparently the prime universe C-01. Most people are stuck there.

There’s the universe where I am the only person in existence. (C-142)
There’s the universe where everybody is far away. (C-18)
There’s the universe where people are nice to each other and live in harmony. (C-324)
There’s the universe where I am all uptight and lonely. Very similar to C-01. (C-02)
There’s the universe where I am relaxed and don’t give a shit. (C-83)
There’s the universe where Donald Trump became a Nazi overlord. (C-483)
There’s the universe where Aliens subjugated the earth. (C-12)

These are just a few examples. I don’t have to visit them all. I prefer the one where I am the only person in existence. I think I’m going to spend most of my time there. It is a very calm place.

Those alternative dimensions are difficult to stay in though. C-01 constantly bumps into them like a cue ball on a pool table. Sometimes it knocks them down into a hole. But that’s OK. You just have to reset every once in a while and it’s all good.


I don’t know what’s going on but I can’t seem to concentrate on anything lately. There is like a buzz going on in my head that won’t stop. I’m not talking bout my Tinitus. It’s more of a thinking issue.

I can’t seem to pay full attention to all the things I used to enjoy. I love to read but books seem to just be a bunch of random words and names. I can’t tell what’s going on or who is who. I have so many books on hold right now because I keep switching to a new one hoping to find something that will hold my interest.

I can’t seem to watch movies anymore. It take so much energy to just pay attention long enough to get through one. I end up watching reruns of old things I used to enjoy because I know what is happening.

I can’t even get myself to work on a project. They sound awesome but just forcing myself to get started an then continue is so difficult. I have a lot of half-done projects sitting around.

I think I need a vacation. Yeah, I’m retired but I’m also everyone else’s bitch right now. I don’t have any time to myself because I’m stuck doing things for others. I need to rest.

My mom has been staying with me for the last three weeks straight and I seem to have lost my individualism. Luckily she is finally staying a few days to a week at my sister’s but I’m not sure that’s enough. I know that’s not enough. Plus tomorrow I have to help a friend with his car. I just need to relax.

I’ve placed my phone in airplane mode so I can’t get any calls or texts. Except for helping my friend tomorrow, and taking my mom to town for her 2nd vaccination, I’m offline for requests. Please don’t expect anything from me for a little while.

I think I need to meditate to slow my brain back down. I’m not sure I can even do that anymore. I think I’ll go try and sit naked under a tree and see if I can calm down for a while.

Triple Cabin Fever

I’ve just diagnosed myself with a bad case of Triple Cabin Fever.

I’ve got it three ways and it is starting to try my patience.
1. Bad weather keeping me inside.
2. Corona Virus Pandemic keeping everything closed.
3. Caring for my 90 year old mom.

I think I’m going to bust pretty soon if I don’t get some time off/away. I guess it is quite a First World Malady. What would I do if I was free again? I don’t know. I don’t do much anyway but it is nice to have the option. I’m ready to get naked and feel the sun again. A trip to Hippie Hollow or the Beach would be wonderful.

I would like to do a little Texas sight-seeing. So many places to go.

I’d love to get some landscaping done. I have plans for the property.

One shouldn’t complain too much. It won’t be long before it will be 105 degrees outside and I will be wishing it was snowing again. Can’t we just be comfortable for a while?

I sure wish I had someone to travel with. Mom’s too old. Sister’s too agoraphobic. Brother’s too busy. Friends are too pussy-whipped, incompatible, and stuck in their dead-end-jobs. That’s OK. I am used to traveling alone.

Relax… Time passes. I just hope it doesn’t pass me by.

Are you an Ant or a Grasshopper? Why are you not prepared?

As an unprecedented winter blast rocks Texas, I am sitting warm and comfy in my energy-efficient house and watching the news to see all the grasshoppers whining about being without power and water.

Yeah, that sucks but you’ve had years to prepare and a week’s warning from the weather forecasters. I’ve been on Facebook listening to all my “friends” complain and I can’t help ask them why they don’t have water stored up. Why don’t they have generators? Why don’t they have wood stoves? It boggles my mind because I warned them months before the Coronavirus hit and still they had no toilet paper.

Why are you not prepared??
It doesn’t take much to make sure your basic needs are covered. You just have to get off your lazy ass and make it so.
When shit happens, it’s too late already.
People are freezing to death because they wouldn’t buy a $300 generator.
Whassa matta you?

Now I’m not a hardcore Prepper. I would rate myself as medium-core. I just make sure that my basics are covered for an extended period. You can do that too. One of my best moves was literally a move. I got out of the overpopulated city and built an energy-efficient house on 4 acres out in the country. My power has been on consistently while the city power has been out for days. I have a whole-house generator standing by because another round of ice is coming and things are bound to get worse. I have large quantities of drinking water in storage and a hot tub full of water for other uses like flushing the toilet. I did my storm prep shopping last week. I have plenty of firewood. It’s all good.

You could have done the same but you didn’t. Don’t cry now. This is all your fault. Just don’t let it happen again.

It won’t be long until North Korea crashes our power grid either by EMP or internet hacking so you better get a generator and store up your water and food. I’m going to build a solar-powered backup system shortly so I won’t even need to rely on gasoline.

If you let your family down during this crisis then you should feel bad. Get ready. Now!