Cows in the Morning

Every morning when I wake up, I get to look on the other side of the fence and see cows grazing in the dew-covered field.

I can’t tell you how happy I am that I finally ditched life in sprawling suburbia and traded it all in for open fields and cows. I wish I hadn’t waited 52 years to do it. People suck. They are noisy and frantic. Cows are far better neighbors. They’re quiet and serene. Cows are very Zen.

Republicans for Biden

I’m not a highly political person but I have for most of my life, considered myself a Republican. I even voted for Donald Trump in 2016 because the alternative was Hillary. We didn’t need another Clinton in the white house and we certainly didn’t need Hillary so my only logical choice was Donald Trump who was supposed to make things better. I would have preferred some of the other candidates but that wasn’t an option by the time I got to vote. (Something needs to be done about that.)

In my opinion, he’s only made things worse. He’s turned the office of “World Leader” into a joke. His clownish actions in an office of utmost respect show him to be nothing more than a barely-educated buffoon.

A simple tweet can cause the stock market to crash or soar. I wouldn’t be surprised if they later turn up what is considered insider trading. It wouldn’t be hard to have someone short a stock then tweet something to crash the market and cash in. That’s a lot of power.

He hasn’t done a thing in his 4 years to ensure that I will have affordable healthcare. He’s just made it worse be removing the requirement of everyone to have health insurance. That means there won’t be enough money for people who really need it. I am one of them now.

Almost every single thing he says is an obvious lie. I don’t know about you but I can’t accept that from a president. Just because he wants to believe it doesn’t make something true. That’s a big problem for me.

He has done nothing to bring the Left and Right together. Things have never been so divided. Nothing is getting done. Nothing important is happening.

He has obviously done a poor job of managing the pandemic. Of course, this is a completely new issue that we have never dealt with before so I can’t totally blame him but much could have been done better.

There are SO many parallels with Hitler. It’s really quite scary. If he does not peacefully accept a loss of the upcoming election then we should all be afraid.

Every time he does or says something, he just seems to dig a deeper hole. I feel that all Biden has to do in response is shrug his shoulders, not say anything, and easily win the election.

Die hard Republicans will, of course, vote for Trump but those with a modicum of intelligence might just sway to the other side just to make the madness stop.

I would likely have a difficult time choosing if we had a quality Republican candidate this year but Trump makes it very easy for me to vote Democrat this time. The need for affordable health insurance makes it vital.

A Serious Cat

This is my cat. She is somewhere around 14 years old which I think is pretty old for a cat.

She is very serious. Even as a kitten she really wasn’t interested in playing string or laser pointer. After 30 seconds, she was done.

Until recently, she never had a name. There was not much reason to have a name since as the only cat of an only owner, we don’t call each other by name anyway. I thought of a few names over the years but eventually forgot them. My little cousin recently came up with a good name for her. Luna. I thought that was good because she looks like the moon. It also makes me think of Harry Potter.

She likes cheetos and most everything else I eat. She gives good snuggles.

She’s an inside cat and seldom wanders outside except for a few minutes to sniff around. It’s scary outside. She throws up when she sees a bug up close. She likes to lick my nose.

She’s pretty low maintenance until she recently had a cancerous tumor on her belly. The vet removed it for $1400. It could come back so her time may be limited. We’re trying better quality food and some home remedies just in case it helps.

Luna is a good kitty. She doesn’t even scratch up my furniture or pee on the rug. She’s very serious.

Does changing the angle of solar panels make a difference?

Solar panels are supposed to work best when they are at an angle perpendicular to the sun. I believed it because it is fact but one should always verify facts.

During the summer when the sun is directly above, I have my solar panels adjusted to be almost flat pointing almost straight up. Around September, I adjust them down to follow the falling angle of the autumn sun. This time I thought I might do a little experiment and leave one set of identical panels in the summer position and see what kind of difference it makes.

Array 3 shown above is set to the autumn angle and Array 1 is still set for summer. As you can see there is almost a 20 watt difference in generation. I selected one panel from each array and calculated that changing the angle increases output by 6%. That’s pretty good! Totally worth the trouble to adjust them throughout the year.

My panels are built on ground supports and are adjustable. If your panels are roof mounted then it is unlikely that you can do anything about the angle.

YAY! Lowered my property taxes.

YAY!!! Today was my property appraisal protest hearing and I think it went rather well. When they say, “Hearing”, they mean it. It was kind of like a mini court room with judges and stuff. I expected it to be just me and a guy behind a desk like last time so I was a little freaked out by the formality.

This was the first tax year after the completion of my new house. Last year I was only appraised for the land which they valued at $37,000. Now that the house is done, they reappraised it at $219,000. Whoah! That’s nice if you’re selling but not so nice when you have to pay 1.75% tax on it.

My estimate of the value is closer to $100,000 as that is the actual cost of everything. The appraiser did some research on comparable properties and come up with an average value of $130k to 150k. Better.

I had all my paperwork to back up the costs of building and was sort of ready to lay it out. When they made the offer of $137,245 I was pretty much satisfied since I predicted them to go to $150,000 so I just accepted it and they made it official. That will save me $1400 per year on taxes and put my annual cost at $2500 which is what I predicted in my original calculations. I hate paying taxes but I guess as far as taxes go, that’s pretty much fair. If I hadn’t protested, my cost would have been $3850 per year + rate hikes, etc.

If you think your appraisal is incorrect then I highly recommend going through the protesting process. It sucks but it could be totally worth it.

Next time I’ll know what to expect if I have to go through it again. I’m glad I did it right away instead of waiting a year or so. That $1400 savings adds up each year. In 10 years I will have saved $14,000 which buys me a free year of living expenses. Pretty sweet.

Blog Break

I’m thinking it might be a good idea if I take a break from posting my psychological thoughts on myself. I worry that it is possible that my writings may actually be influencing my thoughts. I have a feeling that the literary prose may be causing me to exaggerate reality for the sake of the writing itself. Since reality is nothing other than perception, false perception is literally changing my reality.

I don’t know if this is true or if it even makes sense but it is certainly possible. The more you talk about being lonely, the more lonely you become. It forms a feedback loop and amplifies until it becomes nothing more than a screeching sound. I may even be doing it now.

For that purpose, I’m going to take a break from personal blog entries. I’ll still do non-psychological writing and reviews. I just think I need to give myself time to properly heal. It’s kind of an experiment. I love experiments. I sure hope it helps.

I will say that I’m doing a deep dive back into inner peace studies. There’s a lot of research to be done there. There was a time when I had it mastered but everything I had learned has now dissipated. This time I’m taking notes. Maybe I’ll share them with you if it turns out well.

Wish me luck…

The Great Wall of Solitude

We all put up a wall between ourselves and the outside world. Some people’s walls are chain-link fences. Others are cinder block or concrete and stretch up to meet the sky.

Just like Pink Floyd, my wall was built brick by brick and after 52 years, is extremely thick and tall.

Today another brick was placed. I posted a truthful and informational friendship resume on a nudist form on Reddit. The majority of the responses were negative. I don’t know what more people want if they don’t want truthfulness and openness. I’m just so confused and lost in my understanding of the human race. People don’t like lies. People don’t like the truth. What am I supposed to do? What is the joke?

As I read the responses, my legs got unsteady and I started sweating. It was a very unpleasant experience to what I thought was going to be the answer to my prayers. My legs still haven’t returned to feeling normal.

For some time I sat on the couch, staring into space wondering if this the end. If my kind of people don’t want me then who does? Most of me wants to give up completely. I can’t take it anymore. But how does one go on without some kind of hope to give meaning to life? I can’t allow myself to just give up. It would mean a quick death. I have to allow for some kind of future.

I need to regroup. I told myself last month that I was going to let it go until the end of the year. Apparently, I was unable to comply. I need to stop, step back, and reconsider what the hell is going on. Where is the problem? What am I doing wrong? Why do I keep doing it? I thought I had the answer but each time I think I’ve found it, the void gets deeper. The wall is high and the void is deep.

Why won’t it just stop and leave me alone? I would rather be floating on an endless open sea rather than be deep down in a hole that is surrounded by a mile-high wall.

My vacation starts again today. No more unpleasantness until next year. We’ll see.

UPDATE: 6 hours later

I met an acquaintance for lunch today. It did wonders for my stupid brain. I feel 75% better. I can be quite dramatic sometimes, huh?

There are lessons to be learned here. I’m not sure what they are but I’ve learned that the internet is NOT an option for solving your loneliness problems. It is guaranteed to make things worse.

I’ve learned that I am creepy. I’ve learned that it is my destiny to be alone. I’ve learned that acceptance is required. I’ve learned not to spit into the wind. Count your blessings. Think happy thoughts. Wait. Wait. Wait.

I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent.
I’m not lonely. I’m independent

Quick Movie Review – Chernobyl

I’ve always been fascinated by the Chernobyl Nuclear Incident in the former USSR back in 1986. I was just graduating from High School and don’t remember being very interested at the time but I do recall watching it happen on the news.

I’ve also always been fascinated by abandoned buildings; especially ones that have not been touched by human hands for many decades. I’ve recently watched YouTube video tours and pictures of the town of Pripyat just adjacent to the Chernobyl nuclear facility. It’s amazing to see what 36 years of decay after sudden abandonment does to a structure. Add on the oppressive bombardment of deadly radiation and there is definitely a special feeling there.

I just recently discovered the 2019 HBO series, “Chernobyl” which is not a movie, but a five-part mini-series that starts right before the accident and follows through the explosion, panic, denial, lies, cleanup, and trial. To make it even more interesting, there is a Podcast that discusses each episode.

This powerful mini-series is extremely well done and the writer/director strives to be as factual as possible which makes it even more exciting. You’ll feel like you are there during the experience.

If you have the opportunity, I highly suggest you check it out. It’s totally worth it! Don’t forget to listen to the podcast as you go.

Time for a new set of rules

I’m tired. I don’t have the energy to try anymore. Sometimes you just have to accept it and now is that time for me. I am alone. I will always be alone. That is the way it has always been. That is the way it must always be.

I feel that I have accepted it deep down and it is kind of a relief that feels kind of nice. I’m officially allowing myself to become the hermit I’ve been unable to avoid. But that’s OK. I’m ready to settle down and settle in. The outer doors are closing with a colossal steel boom. I am now sealed into my own reality and I am happy to be here.

We’re going to need a new set of rules:

  1. Don’t try to reach out anymore. No more Social Media where people make jokes about your feelings. No more discussion groups where nobody responds. Disable replies on the blog. No more wishing for someone to see you when you’re in public. No more joining of groups that don’t do anything anyway.
  2. Other people’s problems are not my problem. No more asking people if they need help. They’re welcome to ask me but I am liable to say no.
  3. Completely ignore other people. They ignore me so why should I be concerned about them? I must not try to attract their attention.
  4. Keep the gate locked and don’t answer the phone unless it is someone you know you want to talk to. Anyone else: Leave a message. If you want something from me, I won’t be returning your call.
  5. Accept invisibility. Take advantage of it to walk unseen.
  6. Do whatever you want. Don’t worry about what other people think.
  7. Take it easy. Don’t stress about the things you cannot control.
  8. Eat well and exercise. You want to be lonely for at least 30 more years.
  9. Minimize the consumption of news. Those people are crazy and their problems are not your problem.
  10. Plan to travel and experience things. Being a hermit doesn’t mean you have to just stay at home.
  11. Read. Books are the best way to live.

Not reaching out anymore might include the end of this blog but I still need some way to release the pressure in my head so it is a medical requirement. I’ll just have to disable all replies so that I won’t be doing it out of the desire to get a response. (Which never comes anyway.)

I don’t know. I don’t see any other way. This could be a good thing. It could be bad. It doesn’t seem wise but there’s no other alternative. If I have to be alone then I need to ensure that there is an explanation for it. I am MAKING myself be alone. That, at least, makes sense. There’s nobody to blame but myself.

I AM SOLITUDE.

Quick Book Review – The Island of Dr. Moreau

I’ve been interested in reading this book for a very long time but it just never seemed to work it’s way into my reading list. I happened to run across it while book searching and thought the time had come.

The Island of Dr. Moreau was written back in 1896 by H.G. Wells. I was glad to see that, even though it is ancient literature, it was still written in a relatively decipherable format unlike many older books that have far too much poetic description for my taste.

I have always been interested in the Human-Animal hybrid situation and was a little surprised to find the method of humanization of the animals to be primitive surgical efforts. Of course, what would you expect from the state of medicine in 1896. Still, it was a decent read though more basic than I expected. I’d still recommend it considering it is such a well-known book.

I was a little taken-aback by the main character’s aversion to the beasts. The response of a Regular Person I suppose. I, personally, would have approached the situation differently. I would have befriended them and lived there happily ever after.

There is apparently a movie made of the book in 1996. I’ve watched the trailer and it appears to be quite the action and horror flick. Perhaps the book was intended as Horror back in the day. It is pretty tame by today’s standards.

This book could be re-written using the science of today which is technically able to do it if we weren’t tragically held back by religious superstition.

I love the idea of genetically combining the human race with animals. Think of all the cool looking people we could have on this planet instead of boring-ass humans who all look the same. If there is currently a secret operation on some desert island that is working to genetically create chimeras, I would really like to be involved just to see the results before I die. If anyone out there is doing this, please contact me. I would like to help. I want a pig-boy son!