I put this week on my calendar to ensure that it was blocked off. I also made sure that nobody could call or text me. It was a whole guaranteed week of uninterrupted me-time where I could rest and reflect and do some serious soul searching.
It was wonderful to be untouched by exterior demands. I was free to do as I please.
I’m not a sedentary person so just sitting around was impossible. I got so many great things accomplished as well as spending plenty of time on the couch.
Overall, my soul searching was partially successful. I don’t expect we are ever fully successful in this endeavor. Perhaps the best accomplishment was my rediscovery of Buddhism. I studied it well a number of years ago but it’s amazing how easily we forget things that are so important. Our daily lives wash those important lessons away like water down the drain.
The main premise of Buddhism is that life is dissatisfaction and we can conquer dissatisfaction by controlling our desires.
Easier said than done when your deepest desire is a basic human nature function. Ah, there’s the rub!
My unfulfillable desire for compatible companionship is part of the meaning of life. That explains why I can’t just let it go. It’s part of our DNA. Part of our programming. It’s our purpose. The desire can be banished temporarily but it will ALWAYS return. That is guaranteed.
I also learned that perhaps I should consider trying harder and be less choosy. There is something to be said for partially compatible companionship. At least it’s something. How to accomplish that, I don’t have the foggiest idea. I have 53 years of self-programming that would have to be rewritten. I should at least cherish time spent with those around me.
I guess if I was serious, I would need help. How does one find that kind of help.
Anyway. Overall, my soul searching week was a positive experience. I have a choice of going either East or West. Both paths are dark and scary. Perhaps I’ll just stay right where I am in the middle as I always have. It’s incredibly painful sitting in my vat of acid but it’s easy. Sometimes the easy path is the best.
I’ll have to do this more often. You really need an extended period of uninterrupted self-time every once in a while. It’s totally worth it. You have to figure out where you are before you can figure out where to go.
Buying Time 